Webmaster's note: Well, well, well. This week we
have an interesting dilema. Roy has been quite busy with work and life related things all
week, as have I, and so the page is being updated late Thursday night. However, since Roy
was late in getting me his version of the FBH newsleter, I wrote my own version. Upon
finishing off my version, and posting it on-line, Roy then came thru with his own version.
This leaves us with two complete FBH front pages for this week. What to do? WHAT TO DO??
Here's what we'll do... First, The Ralph Edition.
Followed by The Roy Edition. A Halloween Trick, or Treat, however the case may be. Enjoy!
Happy Halloween Everyone!
-- The Ralph Edition --
PENTHOUSE
We've reached the half-way point of the season, as hard as that is to
believe, and we have quite a battle going atop the FBH standings. Karl "Who
is this guy?" Wallinger is once again in 1st place, but he has some strong
competition coming from not only Ellen "LPG" Raimondo, but Angelo
"Where'd he come from?" Forgione. Angelo once again finds himself in a
play-off for the John division quarter with a Schwade boy. This time it's Steve
"Dr. X" Schwade who is trying to wrestle the title away from Ang. Last
quarter, it was Dave "The Phony" Schwade who failed to keep
Angelo from experiencing the glory of a quarter win.
Meanwhile,
it's status quo in the Paul and Ringo Divisions as Karl and Melonhead
(respectively) are repeat winners. But alas, a newcomer on the scene, "Pistol"
Pete Knapp has taken the Paul Division as Miss Kimba, who lead
for the last few weeks, pulled up lame with a 4 - 10 week. Forgiveness goes to the lovely
Kim as she made up for her poor performance by putting her heart and soul into this year's
Dallas Mayor's Gala. The pressure she's put under each year helping to organize this
fund-raising event is usually enough to make her forget how to pick NFL games. This year,
it even straightened her hair.
Outhouse
While
Patty "Pass the toilet paper" Snider has seemingly taken
control of the bottom of the FBH standings, Dave "Is there room in there for
two?" Curtis is now pounding on the door with his legs crossed. With a
paltry 21 - 41 2nd quarter, capped with a 4 - 10 week nine, Dave is establishing his own
style of mediocrity by cutting in line in front of Steve "Hey! I was
next!" Ruble. Please remember to leave the seat down, gentlemen.
Monkey in the Middle
This weeks Middle Man is Andy "Floor Rita" Halstead,
"AB" as he's known to most. Andy lives in Upstate New York, and also lives in
fear of computers. We let Jeff Vanek, who knows AB best, tell us his
favorite AB story... "...After a rousing Happy Hour at a Dallas club
("Confetti") Andy came home and decided that he wanted to get a little
"higher" by scaling the wall of his 2-story apartment. After noticing that we
hadn't heard from him in a while, we heard a noise outside the apartment and saw him
standing on the roof of the complex. We had to coax "Spiderman" down, luckily
without incident..."
All In The Family
Let's take a quick look at some of the Family
races...
The Schwade
Boys are doing the family proud this season by holding the Number 4, 5, and 6
spots (Dave, Tom, Steve) and are showing their Dad how it's done as Bob Schwade
is stuck down in a tie for 17th place.
Hey Babe! Nice Ass(Commish)!
This is still Ralph, GO!
$$$ Troy Aikman got his bell rung for the 5th
time in his career last Sunday. While he stood dazed on the sidelines, the announcers went
on believing the initial reports that he had sustained a strained neck. But I've seen Troy
on "Queer Street" before (and I don't mean in Greenwich Village) and even I
knew he had suffered another concussion. In fact, I think the entire Cowboys team is
suffering from some sort of brain disorder. Or is it possible that maybe the Cowboys
aren't a "great" team, but just a "good" team? Sorry, bite my tongue!
I'll be pelted with debris here in Dallas for thinking like that.
$$$ Jets and Giants both in 1st place this
late in the season? Really?? What next... maybe an expansion team will win the World
Series?
$$$ Speaking of which, kudos go out to the
Florida Marlins for taking even less time than the '69 Mets in which to win their
franchises' first World Championship. It took the 1962 Mets seven years, and now the 1992
Marlins only five. Can you say, Free Agency?? Amazing what money can buy these days. Call
me partial, but the '69 Mets was a far bigger miracle.
$$$ Additional kudos go out to the Cleveland
Indians (and Marlins) for giving us a Game 7 that turned the 1997 World Series from a dull
one into one to remember. Pity the poor Indians, who still haven't recovered from Willie
Mays' catch of a Vic Wertz 470-foot fly ball back in 1947.
$$$ And we must welcome the newest member of
the FBH family! As of this writing, James Howell (tie 33rd) and wife Kelly are awaiting
the arrival of their second child, a girl, Jayden. We know the sex and the name, and I
assume she arrived today, but I'm awaiting confirmation of this blessed event. Congrats!!
$$$ Follow-up to last week's newsletter...
Wayne Chrebet did in fact spend the first half of Monday's Packers/Patriots game at Bob
Shupp's apartment, surrounded by at least 18 friends and family members, as well as Wayne
Chrebet Sr. He signed autographs, refused carbonated beverages, and fended off dozens of
questions from Steve Schwade. He even took the time to chat briefly on the phone with the
AssCommish, who couldn't afford the $1500 on short notice to fly up for the occasion. But
enough of my babble... here's Bob himself to describe his evening with an actual NFL
Player...
"Wayne Chrebet came over to my apartment to
watch the Monday night football game this week! Am I the first member of FBH to have an
active player come over to watch an NFL game? Probably so. He was being paid by Tops
Electronics to do so, but, did Circuit City ever pay Nate Newton to show up at the
Buntings? How about Wal-Mart, or Best Buy? I guess not, since Roy actually had to PAY for
his 27" Sony. (I won a TV and Wayne Chrebet in a store contest.)
When Wayne and his father (Yes, he brought his dad,
Wayne Sr. with him) walked in, my brother-in-law Ron Hade thought he was another one of my
friends. Wayne Chrebet is a 5'10" wide receiver of the first place New York Jets. His
story is as much of a "hard work pays off" story as you'll find in professional
sports. He was recently featured along with Elway, Favre, Troy and Marcus Allen on the TNT
special, "Before They Were Pros".
Wayne played for Hofstra, a Division II college
that is also the training camp site of the Jets. Upon his graduation, Wayne and his dad
sent highlight tapes to all 30 NFL teams. Only the Jets and the Bengals replied. The
Kotite Jets of '95 were thin at W.R. so when Wayne played well in camp, he was able to
stick around awhile, eventually making the team. The Jets first game that year was in
Miami (I was there, by the way) and after the 52-14 Dolphin route, the Miami sports pages
had a field day bashing the New York team that had to limp home. On my flight back to
Jersey I read a column that not only poked fun at my Jets, but used Wayne Chrebet as a
whipping boy, a way to illustrate the Jets lack of talent compared to their almighty
Dolphins, calling him "Sherbet or Treebert or, it doesn't matter what his name is, he
won't be around in the NFL for long anyway." Damn I wish I saved that column! It was
that article that not only justified my anti Dolphin behavior, but made me a Wayne Chrebet
fan. (By the way, 6 weeks later Wayne had a TD in a Jet win over those Dolphins)
That was over 2 years ago, and Wayne has since
become one of NY's notable sports stars. His ability to catch pass after pass has helped
establish him as a favorite target on 3rd down. The "little guy from Garfield"
now gets double coverage on 3rd down on a team that also includes the #1 pick of the '96
draft, whose book "Throw Me The Damn Ball" referred to Wayne as "Kotite's
teachers pet" and "the team mascot". His book comments have propelled Wayne
to anti-hero status, one who puts up rather than one who should just shut-up. Way to go
Keyshawn. Go into any sports store in NY or NJ and you'll find racks of #19 Jets Jerseys.
Next year they'll stock #80 jerseys, and they'll be gone. Quickly.
He stayed until half-time and apologized for not
staying longer, but the bye week schedule meant an earlier Tuesday than normal. Team
meeting at 8:00, weight room at 9:00 AM. While he was here he signed 4 jersey's, 5
photo's, 3 hats, a Jets "fan guide" with his picture on the cover, and a bag of
peanuts. His father revealed that he once lived on Westfield Avenue in Roselle Park. When
asked about fantasy football, Wayne replied 'I'm a bargain'. He was pleased when I told
him we drafted him on our team after Rice and Pickens, but before Joey Galloway. Two
Cranford Cops and my neighbor Bill stopped in for autographs. He told me that the photo of
him being chased by Dolphins (on the FBH page- Click
here!) showed him looking up at the scoreboard as he ran so he could see the guys
chasing him from behind on the live video feed, and he could protect the ball better. He
wouldn't accept a beer or a soda while he was here, preferring only a non-carbonated
beverage. (I didn't have any) He answered everyone's questions in a voice that could not
be heard beyond a few feet.
His most uncomfortable moment came when I asked him
to talk to AssCommish Ralph on the phone to ridicule him for his possession of a Keyshawn
jersey. Instead, he asked Ralph what number jersey he had, and when Ralph replied, Wayne
said "I can't talk to you anymore" and handed me the phone as he jumped up out
of my lazy boy chair. He noticed the picture of Roy that I have on the wall that depicts
our hero posing with fish heads in front of his eyes (crab bait). 'Oh man! That's
disgusting... but funny'. He posed with us for a group shot taken by his father before
left.
Ellen and I walked him out to his car, and he told
us how last year he went out to contest winners' homes every Monday night. His dad said
that one time it was a house filled with gay guys (not that there's anything wrong with
that). Good thing he brought his girlfriend along that time. I made some joke about them
asking Wayne about the Center's position... This year he was surprised when he saw a Tops
electronics ad advertising the contest for this season, although he was not contracted to
do so. They agreed to give him a laptop if he'd agreed to do one this year, since they'd
already promoted it. We were lucky to be the one. He again apologized for leaving at
halftime, although I knew he was only obligated by the contest to do so. He leaves
Hackensack by 6:15 to make it to Hofstra by 8 AM. As they got to the car, we shook
hands and they said they enjoyed their visit to my apartment. (We were all happy, after
all the Patriots were on their way to losing to Green Bay.) I wished him well with the
rest of the season and as I walked away I said 'stay healthy'. Wayne turned and said
'thanks'. I know he meant it..." ---- Bob Shupp -- 10/30/97
Until next week, from the seperate apartments of
the
Shupp Brothers, it’s little kisses, little kisses and ciao ciao!
Ralph A
-- The Roy Edition --
Who's Too Hot?
…And at halftime, the score of the game most of
you have been watching is Wallinger College
67, David & Patty University 47. Over to you Jim.
Thanks Jack-o…That's
right sportsfans…your globetrotting rock star types seem to have the amps turned way
up in the first half of action here! But first, around the league with Jack-o…
Ok Jim. Week nine was a week for the veterans. Coming in at
9-5 this week were Angelo "Green Cheese" Forgione, Dick
"Hip of the Family" Vanek, Ralph "This is an Obvious
Misprint" Shupp, and the one cadet among the group, Pete
"Cat" Knapp. I am both stunned and amazed to report that the Buntman
found ten breadcrumbs. But the BMOC last week was Ron "Who's not a Friggin'
Juggernaut?" Hade who reached into the pie and pulled out an 11-3 plum.
Who's Too Cold?
And stuck with Greg and Bobby in Sam
the Butcher's meat locker are Patty "Marcia"
Snider and Dave
"Peter" Curtis, a chilly
20 games back. Maybe if Dave gets a few more wins we'll put his name on the webpage
picking pulldown menu.
Who's Just Right?
This week's Embassador of the Middle is someone who
really captures the spirit of being in the middle of a large group. Someone who, at this
halfway point in the season, really captures what staying close to someone else is all
about. My friend and yours, A. B. "Whitey" Halstead. He's
cuddly, he's bouncy. He's like a rubber ball. A big red shiny rubber ball. One that you
used to play with in the house, even though your parents told you not to. You know, the
one you had in your jacket pocket the day you committed arson at a local area golf course
with Bruce "Marcel" Rollman. But I digress.
Andy is the consistent presence in every life. The
important, steadying influence in times of trouble. You know, that no matter how bad
things got, A.B. would be there for you. Say you were running from the feds. On the road
for say the better part of three weeks. You're tired, you may or may not have a gunshot
wound, and you just need a place to hole up for a few days. And you find a way to get to
A.B.'s place in the middle of the night. He would let you sleep in his barn. And after
work the next day, he'd probably even take you out for wings.
Quarter-mania
Last week ended the second
quarter, so we have some more winners to announce.
John
Angelo and Steve "Deborah Norville's
Boy Toy" Kryzwade are in the
John. Divisional sudden death runoff that is. Ang pulled off the impressive "gain
three games in one week" manoever.
Paul
It's 1964 all over again with Peter,
Paul & Kim topping the charts with "If I Had a Hammer (I'd hammer the rest of the
division)." But only Pete did the victory dance in the end.
George
He wants to say "Good
Morning!" but he doesn't know where to start. It was very close indeed, but
Sherri "Sherri Coco-pop" Matis was probably working too hard and
Michelle
"Mrs." Brown was
definitely concentrating on other things, as the aforementioned rock guru upped his
quarterly record to 2-0.
Ringo
Ellen "Chrebethead" Raimondo is the other competitor who has also won two quarters,
with a pool-wide best 36-26-3.
Hello ESPN
Thank goodness ESPN has taken over
the Sunday night games. TNT easily provides the worst NFL coverage. It's like the corp
execs at TNT said, "Let's make a pregame show as boring as NBC's (or when Brent
Mussburger used to do the MNF halftime, remember?) but with color analysts who, instead of
being dead, can't speak intelligibly, and for the play-by-play, instead of John Madden,
let's get Niles Crane. If they were smart, they would let Vern Lundquist and Mark May do
the games, and get rid of the other guys.
It's funny to imagine that I'm
rooting to hear Joe Theismann.
Taking Stock at Midseason
You
know, it's a good thing for the rest of the NFL that the Cowboys can't score touchdowns,
because they'd be 8-0 right now. Despite all the red-zone problems, Dallas' four losses
were by a combined 12 points. Call me crazy, but last week, they really looked like they
were coming together on offense. Nothing would please me more to hear people down here
saying "I knew the offensive problems were just temporary." If you stop and
think, the defense and special teams have been good enough to win games, maybe as good as
ever. But Ernie Zampese is going to be out of a job if he doesn't get things shakin'. Take
the points!
I have reserved any lofty talk about
the Jets playing more than 16 games this season, and will continue to do so. But the
groundswell of support is almost visible. The last place schedule is attractive. The
special teams are strong. The defense has been aggressive and there might be a glimmer of
hope on offense that boasts a decent, if not good, front line, and good skill players. OK,
maybe O'Donnell is a bit inconsistent. And can anyone really rely on Glen Foley? I know
you want to.
Are the Giant Boys for real? A 6-3
record? Atop the NFC East? Danny Kannell? The coach is, what, a gym fossil? But the Giants
haven't been good since Eric Hipple played for the Lions. Who can argue with that?
AFC Stream of Consciousness
Jimmy "Blowhard" Johnson has been pretty quiet in
south FLA. This probably means he doesn't have anything. NBC would be all over that stuff.
Denver. Something inside me wants to see the Broncos do it before Elway gets too old. I
know I have been picking Jax, but if the Jags have to go to Denver for the playoffs again,
I won't be optimistic. Pittsburgh showed something beating the Jags last week and are now
6-2. Drew Bledsoe has got to figure out how to stop throwing interceptions when the going
gets tough. But you have to love Pete Carroll. KC? Marty. 'Nuff said. Buff? quack!
NFC Stream of Consciousness
Goodness me oh my, if the Packers
didn't look super awesome on Monday night. They looked good enough to repeat. Coach
Holmgren's decision to give them a full week off looked sagacious at first blush. Saint
Francis hasn't played anyone yet. Hell, the participants in a Shea Stadium parking lot
nerf ball game could come in second in the NFC West these days. Look for Dallas to kick
the stuffing out of those lollygaggers this week. Touchdowns and everything. Take the
points! Tampa Bay? Not yet. Minnesota? You admire them, but I'm left thinking that they
would rule in the AFC, but not here. Philadelphia? You say, "They beat Dallas. They
beat Green Bay." True, they have the capacity to play kookoo nutty and beat anyone.
But can they do that for three games in a row? They haven't shown me that yet. Carolina?
Whaaaaa?
Free Association
This is the Commish. GO!
[ First and foremost the society page.
Miss
Kimba's annual gala was a tremendous
success. Just think of it. Buntman and the Mayor. Throw in Chief O'Hara and you have the
beginnings of a pretty decent episode.
[ A special cosmic welcome from the Commish to
Miss
Jayden "Dando" Howell, who
joined the human party earlier today (October 30, 1997). Miss Howell weighed around 8-4
and was 20+ inches long, and with the dark hair already. Good luck sweetheart. I hope you
achieve everything you dream about. Mommy, Daddy, and big brother Terrell
"Turtlehead" Howell are also doing well.
[ I heard a nasty rumor that the Kniggits went to OT last week? Huh?
This week, the Owls. My friend "green sleeves" better hope his teams brings its
game.
Until next week, from the love-beaded Football
Happenings headquarters,
it's little kisses, little kisses and ciao ciao!
Buntman A
WEEK TEN REVIEW
(LINES SUBJECT TO CHANGE)
| Favorite |
Points |
Underdog |
| @9ers |
7 |
Da Boys |
| @@lanta |
3 |
Rams |
| @Mmm Buffalo |
2 |
Sea Scum |
| @Panthers |
3 |
Joakland |
| @Denver |
9 |
Sea Hawks |
| @Green Day |
10 |
Loins |
| Jackson5 |
NL |
@Tuxedos |
| @ViQueens |
1 |
Pats |
| @Mighty Mighty Jets |
5 |
Hravins |
| Eagles |
4 |
@Arizona |
| @San Diego |
PK |
Bengals |
| Tampa Bay |
4.5 |
@Indy500 |
| Washington |
3 |
@Chicago |
| @Kansas City |
3 |
Stealers |
Open Date: Giant Boys, 'Aints
OTHER GAMES OF INTEREST
| Favorite |
Points |
Underdog |
| @Temple |
9.5 |
Rutgers |
| @Miami-Fla |
41 |
Arkansas St. |
This site created on April 29, 1997
This page archived on Nov. 6, 1997
Site design by Ralphworld
As for
the Buntings, Roy (tie 9th) and Dawn
(tie 25th) are waving bye-bye to Alex (tie 27th) as they prove that
Father doesn't always know best. As for Kim, well, she's not doing too well in the Vanek
category either.