In This Issue:
The Leaders
– Who’s ahead?
The Laggards – Who’s
behind?
The Level Man – Paul
Kessler, our featured Monkey in the Middle.
The Quarterly Races – One
week to go.
Jet-Mania – Is it real?
Standings Corrections –
The Commish comes clean.
FDR vs. FDRP – Not to be
missed (nor understood, probably)
Free Association – AKA
More nauseating babble from the Commish
The Leaders
It was a mediocre week for most of the
group, especially for last week’s leaders. Below standard 6-9 weeks by Dave
"Why, when I’m at work I use the internet for business purposes, only"
Schwade and Karl "In a strange groove" Wallinger
allowed the rest of the upper quartile to close ranks. Has anyone noticed that three of
the top five spots are held by Schwades? Does it make anyone wonder?
In the same category, isn’t it just a bit amazing that
the two people with the worst overall lifetime records (namely Dave and Ellen
"Mellenhead" Raimondo) are suddenly atop of this year’s standings?
The investigation continues.
The Laggards
The vertically challenged section includes
some of the usual suspects. It is sad that Rich "Uncle Woofie" Brown
and Miss Kimba have to spend their respective birthdays in last place.
Unc Woof went 4-11 to dip into the last place tie and now trails Uncle Ken
(photo) by 17 games in the Nipplehead battle. Steve "Daddy Blue Hen"
Ruble is hoping a pilgrimage to the LBFBHHQ will improve his standing.
The Level Man
Paul "Mr. Nice" Kessler is the
current Monkey in the Middle. Paul is in his third season as an FBH competitor, having
joined through his main running buddy Yogi "Blame me personally for all
website access problems" Yeager. Appropriately enough, Paul’s record
been consistently right around .500 (.497 lifetime and .497 this season). Paul enjoys
sports, computers and travel. His turnoffs are shallow people, being called an
"airhead" and movies in which people are cruel to animals.
Quarter Races
There is only one week remaining to get those hard-to-find
third quarter wins. A recap of the quarterly races, for your reading pleasure.
John Division
Patty "The Un-Schwade" Snider
leads Dave "A Schwade" Schwade by two games and Tom
"Definitely a Schwade" Schwade and Steve "The Very
Schwade" Schwade by 3. (Be aschwade. Be very aschwade.)
Paul Division
Hey ho, Jame-o! The quiet one has snuck
atop the cute Beatle division with fifteen games to go. (Just don’t ask him about his
score, if you know what’s good for you.) This is quite the tight race, though, with Mark
"Glamor Boy" Vanek and Audrey "Get me out
of this house" Vanek only one game back.
George Division
Ken "Uncle Elvis" Brown has the
slight two game advantage over three others (Steve R. and the Reid
brothers), and is favored to stop the Wallinger (5 games back) winning streak at
two quarters.
Ringo Division
Mellenhead’s Ringo division stranglehold is also in
jeopardy, as she is three games behind Jeff "Donkey Boy" Sternberg.
Jeff holds a slim lead over his division mates from the east coast. Rob
"NFLPG" Tringali, Jr. is only one behind, and Doug "I
shoulda gone to Joe Jackson" Manuel and the Juggernaut are
two back.
Jet Mania – Is it
Real?
You know, the Commish has been very mum about mentioning
the Jets and the P-word (playoffs) in the same sentence. Being a Jetfan for many years, I
have learned that underestimation is the better part of emotional preservation when it
comes to the little green men. But am I excited about the prospect of a playoff run? Does
a cat shit in the hallway?
After last year’s 1-15 season, the 7-4 record is as
impressive as it is welcome. But playing the last place schedule, as the Jets are, is
somewhat misleading, donchathink? Let’s look closer. The Jet victories were over New
England (good team), Seattle (ok team), and Oakland, Cincinnati, Indy, Baltimore and
Chicago (bad teams). They lost to New England (good team), Buffalo (ok team) and (ugh!)
twice to the dreaded Scum (ok to good team). (How nice it would have been to have won the
NE game, and maybe the Buffalo game.)
The fact is kids, that the remainder of the season schedule
will prove just what our heroes are made of. Other than finishing the AFC East slate at
Buffalo and hosting Indy, three of the final five games are against NFC Central opponents.
This Sunday, the Jets host the ViQueens, then finish the season vs. Tampa Bay (home) and
Detroit (away).
Realistically, a 10-6 record will be needed to get into the
playoffs. This means beating Indy, which should(?) happen, then winning two of the other
four. This will not be easy. The teams we play at home, Minn and TB, have 8-3 records and
are tied for first in their division. The teams we play on the road, Buff and Detroit, are
known for playing well in their backyard.
A win this Sunday would be huge for Parcells & Co. It
could mean reclaiming sole possession of first place, as the Scum will be playing at New
England, and you have got to figure that the Pats are due to win one. So, what of this
week’s chances?
Minnesota is 8-3, with their only losses to Tampa Bay
(home), Green Bay (away) and Detroit (away). Other than sweeping the Bears and beating
Arizona, the Vikes have beaten ok to good teams (Buff, Phila, Carolina, TB, NE). The Vikes
need this game as badly as the Jets do, as they are in a three-way tie for first (with the
Bays.)
So how the heck are the Mighty Jets favored by a field
goal? It seems to me that the Minnesota defense is pretty strong and no one is
particularly thrilled with Neil O’Donnell starting in place of the injured Glenn
Foley at QB (with the possible exception of Dennis Green). My advice to all Jetfans is to
root hard and hold on tight!
Where Do I Stand?
We know that you know that we are not always in the know,
ya know? Your hard working, if often misguided FBH staff has been advised of, and has
corrected, several standings discrepancies. The first, and most egregious, error concerned
the week 11 Jets/Scum game. Many of you were credited with a win, when you lost, and
vice-versa. (This pertained to inquiries from several, including Dick and
Jeff S.) Individual corrections were made to Paul’s
and Alex’s scores because Ralph had your picks when
I did the standings, so you were assigned the home teams until he could send me your
actual records. This meant that Paul temporarily got 7 wins in week 10, which was later
corrected to 3 wins, and Alex got 7 wins for week 11 which was later corrected to 9 wins.
(This is also the case for Ron Hade this week.) Also, because of a
problem with my formula, Todd Meyer had a few more wins than it showed,
but that is now corrected. We will continue to try to avoid these things, but feel free to
let us know if you suspect something’s up. (FYI: We continue to work ‘round the
clock on this "Schwades-are-winning" thing.)
 FDR Facts |
 FDRP Facts |
* Was President for 12 years. |
* Went to France 38 times. |
* Wore pince-nez
eyeglasses to correct nearsightedness. |
* Wore fashion-colored shades to
protect (bug) eyes from harmful glare. |
* Known for his fireside chats. |
* Known for his fireside chaps. |
* New Deal. |
* New clothes every day. |
* Met the Queen |
* Was the Queen. |
* Rumored affair with Lucy
Rutherfurd. |
* Rumored affair with Ms.
Szabo. |
* "The only thing we have
to fear, is fear itself." |
* "I ain’t
callin’ you no King." |
* Pearl Harbor response. |
* "Typical Shupp
response." |
* "Rockets Red Glare." |
* "Earth, Sound &
Fire." |
* Had aides. |
* Had AIDS. |
Free Association
This is the Commish. GO!
[ FBHer on TV
Alert! Such the eclectic group we have here! Mikey "Almond" Joyce,
one of our L. A. residents, is an actor when he is not doing the corporate gig at Ernst
& Young. In addition to starring in several plays, he has been in motion pictures,
recently in "My Fellow Americans" with Jack Lemmon and Jim Garner (he is
prominently featured in the White House tour scene). On Tuesday, November 25, Mikey will
be on "Placas" (the Spanish version of "America’s Most Wanted")
as a Spanish teacher who invites one of his students home for a little "private
tutoring." Check it out on Telemundo.
[ Rutgers
just missed out on a bowl bid. Obvious bowl coalition payoff.
[ I was just
spouting off about the great games of yesteryear last week when we were treated to two
great finishes: the end of the Denver/KC game and the great Cowboy comeback. Now if we
could only see some of those great Jet victories like we used to…
[ Birthday
confetti is flying for Miss Kimba (the big 3-0), Dutesky
(32) and Uncle Rich (-11). Here’s a big ol’ soul kiss from the
Commish wishing all of you a great year.
