Usually, by the time the final week of the FBH season
rolls around, everyone has a pretty good idea who the winner will be. However, no front
runner has emerged this year, and as a result, we have the most exciting finish in our ten
year history.
Dave "No one can prove that I am picking
backwards" Schwade and Ellen "Mellenhead" Raimondo
are in a dead heat; tied with 120-95-10 records. Only one game back is Steve
"Doctor X." Schwade. Also hanging around is Karl "My hands
were shaking so much, I could hardly hold 
my eyebrow pencil"
Wallinger, three behind. The others are beyond being called darkhorses, they now
need a miracle.
Remember, any ties will be broken in sudden death fashion
in the playoffs.
The John Division has all but clinched the best record,
however, the Ringos have been peaking of late, and have broken the .500 mark. The
divisions to watch, however, are the Paul and George, who have winning percentages of .475
and .477.
Final Week Coma
The agony is almost over.
Entering the final week, Rich "Primy Babe" Brown has a four game "advantage" over
Dave "My FBH season is reminiscent of the Cowboys season"
Curtis, Alex
"I used to be a contender" Bunting, and Miss Kimba in the race for that last place money.
Shock The Monkey
This is Ralph, Go!
This week's man (and we use the term loosely) in the middle is John
"Three huh? That's odd" Kardel. Famous stories about him center around
bizarre traditions (especially around holidays), road trips, homebrewing, and
mispronunciation of the names of NY Rangers goaltenders. Recently he became soul mates
with Joe Jackson (the musician, not the shoeless baseball player). John has embarrassed
more than a few talk show hosts on WFAN, the 24-hour sports talk radio station in NYC, by
acting as an educated fan, and then asking the host's opinion of players such as Hugh
Jardon, Dick Gozinya, and Pat Magroin. John can light up a room simply by turning on a
lamp. (He may also be the only person who appreciates that silly little play on words.)
This is John's second time this year being
the Monkey Boy. Unfortunately, the words "consistently average" and "middle
of the road" would not at all describe his dynamic persona. The words "dynamic
persona" don't even describe his dynamic persona. I've been friends with him since
age 12 and figure to be friends with him well after we both leave this Earth. And if I can
just hold on to my three game lead on him in the FBH, I can enjoy several months of not
having to hear him brag.
And yes, he has slept in the LBFBHHQ.
Quarter Races
This is it. Remember that all ties
will be broken in the playoffs. We will be in touch if you are involved.
John Division
Aforementioned Steve
Schwade will be duking it out with Todd "Just don't mention the Vikings" Meyer.
Andy "Change should
remain in the jar" Halstead is
lurking two behind.
Paul Division
Dave Curtis and
Miss Kimba continue their match play. Dave is up by one hole with
one to play. Oddly enough, they're both also fighting for last place overall. Who told
them that the lowest score wins? But there are four others who are two games back, so it
is really anyone's quarter.
George Division
Michelle "Sea Scum fan" Brown continues to hold on to the final quarter lead, still
ahead of Matt "Cougar Power" Bashaw and Steve "Auto
Pilot" Ruble.
Ringo Division
Dave Schwade may be leading as of late, but the early favorite for MVP has to
be Ellen. She is co-leader with Ron
"Giant Boy" Hade.
Free Association
This is the Commish. GO!
[ In the interest of timely standings reporting, please understand
if the comments are a little light this week. As always, we'll have more fun and games on
the web page later in the week.
[ What about those Jets! Could they be more exciting? Last Sunday
was indeed a beautiful day to be a Jet fan. The FBH braintrust watched all the NFL action
at the mobile command post. It was thrilling to watch the Jets thumping away on TB and the
Sea Scum being routed by the Colts simultaneously. I don't know what was more beautiful,
Otis "My Man" Smith's TDs, Leon "OJ" Johnson's returns or Jimmy
Johnson fuming about all those 31 second quarter points
[ Dispute in the LBFBHHQ. The Commish and the AssCommish disagree on
an NFL rule. Following a safety, the team that surrenders the safety is allowed a free
kick from the twenty yard line. If the team elects to punt, can it recover an onsides kick
if the receiving team does not touch it first? Can anyone help with a definitive answer?
This is Ralph, Go!
a
Roy is mistaking the ACT of punting a
football with the play known as "the Punt". The rule states that after a Safety,
the scored upon team must kick from their 20 yard line. It's a free kick, just like a
kickoff. But unlike a kickoff, the kicking team may NOT use a kicking tee. That gives them
the option of either punting the ball, or having someone hold the ball for the kicker (ala
a field goal). It's still a kickoff, for all intents and purposes. The receiving team
cannot rush the kicker like a normal punt play, just like they can't rush on a kickoff
play. Once the ball goes ten yards, it's a free ball, just like a kickoff. I've even seen
a team once kick an onside "kick" after a Safety. Roy is claiming that this
would not be a legal play. I say it is. The debate continues...
This is the Commish. GO!
[ Last week's Phi/Atl game was the tenth tie we have had this
season, a record for FBH. Yeesh!
This is Ralph, Go!
a
Fit To Be Tied:
They say a tie is like kissing your sister. Well now that we have achieved an FBH record
with 10 ties this season, I thought it time to tell a favorite little anecdote of mine. It
was the late 80's, and my brothers and I were at a Jets - Chiefs game at the Meadowlands.
In the 10 years before, and all the years since, our sister had never attended a Jet game
with us. For whatever reason, she went that day. The game went into overtime, and finished
in a tie. To test the theory that a tie is like kissing your sister, Steve, Bob, and I,
all kissed her. Irony can be pretty ironic sometimes.
This is the Commish. GO!
[ Congratulations to Matt Bashaw's Cranford Cougars "D" team which finished its
season 9-0. Awesome job!
[ The time is (at least) now to send in those FBH dues. There are
some prizes to be awarded next week. Please do not risk public scrutiny. This means you
Audrey. And we are dispatching the AC back east to do some collections.
[ As Ralph will be in NJ for Christmas, the website will not be
updated until his return (some time around New Year's). We will at least try to get some
kind of posting done to announce the winners. Rest assured that we will call you if you
are involved in a tiebreaker. (AC: We will be back, however, with an FBH season wrap-up to
start the new year, and more thru the playoffs.)
[ Speaking of Ralph, I would like to pass on my personal best wishes that he
will be able to join the .500 club in this, his seventh, attempt. He currently stands at
108-107-10. Good luck, man.
This is Ralph, Go!
a Thanks
Roy. I got my fingers crossed.
This is Both Of Us, Go!
[ Happy Christmas wishes from the entire FBH family. We cherish you
all and hope good things are in the air for you.
