Vol. 2, Number 14 December 11, 1998 In This Issue: One, Tahoo, Tharee. <<Crunch>> Tharee. – Last licks coming up soon.Overall Standings and Divisional Races – How’s your fourth lookin’? I Thought My Friend Was Refereeing – Going with the flow. Bob To Brave Scum, Dave – It’s another one of those weeks, I’m afraid. Free Association – Including an example of too much free time on one’s hands.
Last week’s lackluster match-up's were indeed a portent of the general malaise that gripped the picking performances. Lots of sub-.500 rounds. And just when I was planning my big move, too. Well, 9 back with 3 weeks to go almost calls for shooting the moon: 15-0. A couple of us came close last week. Wicked 11-4 scores for a couple of hip dudes from the east coast, Ron "Juggernaut" Hade and Angelo "Sheehy" Forgione. It’s gonna be a small miracle if we don’t end up with ties at the end of the season given the logjam at the top. Dick "Mr. Diamonds" Vanek is back in town following some slippage by Mr. "JPK" Kardel and Ms. Jean-Benet, who took the 4-11 collar. We mentioned Angelo’s 11 wins, we didn’t mention Dave "Scum Boy" Schwade’s 5. You have got to hand it to Dave. Like the true professional he is, he really knows how to put those real losing weeks together at the end, just when he needs them most. You can always count on Dave to suck. Hey, it’s too early for this yet. You can deduce that Ang and Ron are leading their divisions and, whatsiz(?), "Pistol" Pete Knapp has jumped out with 9 in the Jackie race. Sadly, last week, Kenny was the cowboy offense, and was pronounced dead in Nawlins. Those bastards!
Fans. Teams. Referees, themselves. No one is happy with the state of officiating, and the game’s integrity is on the line. I really believe the fans want the better team to win without any help (or hindrance) from the referees. If you don’t believe me, ask a Jets fan how he felt about the "win" over Seattle. The players want to let their performance stand for itself, except for maybe wide receivers who whine for pass interference. Referees certainly want to do their job well. The problem is the system is set up for failure. Watch one game and you can tell the Refs need help. This is no knock on them; they prepare as hard for games as the teams do. The game has just become too fast and today’s players are too big and strong and it’s still a huge field. The NFL needs instant replay, there’s no other way. In fact the question should be, why don’t we have instant replay now? Have you seen a hockey game lately? Questionable goals are quickly reviewed by a dude upstairs and players and fans accept the rulings with little fuss. They don’t review holding penalties, just scores. To paraphrase the official reason IR was voted out: The game will lose its "flow". To paraphrase the Commish: "Quack!" The reality is the "flow" is gone. It did not return after IR was nixed. In fact, it got worse. Now, referees huddle after any close call so we still have delays. The maddening thing is, we have the hated delays and we don’t get the right decisions! How is this better? What this country needs to do is step back, take a chill pill, and let technology be our friend. The last time we had IR was 10 years ago. Technology is much better now than it was then. And it will continue to improve, but we have to begin to use it first. If we do, I believe that eventually: Voila! The flow will be back and, with the help of science, grown men will be able to differentiate a helmet from a football. Then, everyone will be happy.
This is Ralph, Go! Thanks Roy, but we've all seen enough ranting about the Scum, so instead I'll take this time to mention that FBH will be well represented in Miami on Sunday night. Bob "Go green or go home" Shupp, Dave and Rob "NFL Photographer Guy" Tringali, Jr. will all be in attendance. For Mr. T, Jr. it's business as usual as he'll be working the game. But for Bob and Dave, it's much more. It's classic Jets-Fins as the two battle for 1st place with only two games left to play afterward. For Bob, a lifelong dream to see the Jets win the AFC East (they never have), and for Dave another chance to prove his phoneyness. You see, Dave is a Jet fan for 14 of their 16 games each season. He hides behind this facade in an effort to supress his true man-love for Dan Marino, and Don Shula. While Bob could well be the biggest Jet fan I know, Dave is the biggest Dolphin fan. This is a fact not fully understood by even some of Dave's closest friends. Why, the poor Miss Mellenhead Raimondo, who's known Dave for several years, was fooled by Dave's act so much, that she recently asked Bob, "Who would Dave root for?" at Sunday's game. The Phoney had her hoodwinked! How could she not know of Dave's devotion? One more reason we call him, the Phabulous Phoney. As for me, there is no other team in sports whom I take a bigger pleasure in defeating, than the Scum. No Mets rival, hell not even the NY Rangers!, and no other NFL team has been a bigger thorn in our collective Jet sides. My all-time favorite game in which I was in attendance? 1986 - Jets 51 - Miami 45 (OT). Dave was there, sitting next to me, rooting for the Phish, being a loser. And of all the Jets loses thru the years, none hurt more than those to Miami. And Dave was usually by my side for those too. Rooting for the Phins, still being a loser, and also a Phoney.
Heated Rivalry Seeing Jimmy’s hair provokes thoughts of scumminess. Clock starts: "Prick, Prick, Prick" This is the Commish. GO! [ Remember, any FBH ties at the end of the regular season (i.e. week 17) will be broken, sudden-death style, using the playoff games, week by week. For example, the first weekend of the playoffs (wild card weekend) will contain 4 games. Whoever among the originally tied FBH-ers wins the most games that week, wins the tiebreaker. If there are still tied competitors, we go to the next week. In the event of a three (or more)-way tie, competitors must keep winning as much as their rivals to continue the next week. (For example, tied person A, B and C. Week one, A goes 3-1, B goes 3-1, C goes 2-2. A & B advance to week two, C is out.) [ We came across this gem on the Jets Newsgroup this week. Thought we'd share it in the spirit of Jetness...
[ In response to the AssCommish’s previously published comments on the NFL’s overtime format, comes this from an interested party:
[ Happy 10th birthday to Audrey "twinkles" Vanek. That’s 10 with FBH, the rest we had nothing to do with. |
Until
next week, from the love-beaded Football Happenings headquarters,
it’s little kisses, little kisses and ciao ciao!
Buntman A
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This site created on 4/29/97
It’s crunch time in the NFL and the FBH.
Three games left for the teams vying for the playoffs and three weeks left for our little
band of competitors to crown a champion. Nothing’s for certain, but it looks like we
will have a new king or queen of the hill as defending champ Ellen
"Bob’s Girlfriend" Raimondo is well back in the pack.
Earlier this week, I spoke to
a guy I know who is from Seattle and he said that NFL Refereeing grand poobah, Jerry
Siemen, called Seahawks coach Dennis Erickson on Monday to apologize for the touchdown
call on Vinny Testaverde’s now infamous fourth and goal sneak, saying that apparently
the linesman thought the QB’s helmet was the ball. Well, that makes it all better
then.
The Commish would hate for all you out there in FBH-land to start cringing
in expectation of a verbal bile-spewing every time you see a Jets/Sea Scum game scheduled
for the upcoming week. So, in the interest of even-keelness and feel-goodness, this week,
I will offer not a flaming arrow, but a Japanese poem of my own composition. Ralph gets to
do the ranting.