Vol. 2, Number 17 December 30, 1998 In This Issue: 1998 Recap – Hey, this is the last time you have to listen to this stuff.Final Overall Standings – A big check for the Big Czech. 4th Quarter Divisional Races – Winners declared, some surprises. Final Cowboy Commentary – See 1998 recap. Final Jet Commentary – See 1998 recap and Final Cowboy Commentary. Thanks From The Commish – Kudos, attaboys and warm fuzzies for all. Final Thoughts – Now it’s time to say goodbye to Jed and all his kin... Free Association – With lots of free time coming up.
This year’s NFL season was punctuated by individual achievements, controversy and somewhat of a shift in power among the teams as some were resurgent and several of last year’s playoff entrants went home early. The refs caught a lot of flack (some justified, some not) and let’s all hope we don’t have anything weird in the post season (AKA let the teams decide the winners). As a whole, it was a good season for the largest-ever FBH field of 44 competitors. The group ended up with a combined record of 5270 - 4938 - 352 (.516 winning percentage). That’s 10,560 individual picks; cool huh? The Jackie division, on the strength of having three of the top four finishers and five of the top ten, was the dominant group, ending with a .523 winning percentage. The other two divisions ended in a virtual dead heat with the Mookie prevailing over the Little Boy by .512623 to .512356. Twenty-eight hundredths of a percent is pretty close, in fact, it is less than one game!
...who finished with an overall record of 133 - 99 - 8 (.573) to claim his first championship by two games. Before this season, Dick’s 10 year FBH career was fairly nondescript. A .496 lifetime average, one third-place finish (1992), one last place finish (1989) and many middle-of-the-pack seasons. Little did we know that he was developing the steady style that allowed him to become the first FBH-er to win an overall title without winning a quarterly race on the way. Consistency was the key, as he had only two poor weeks (5-10 in wk 1 and 4-8-1 wk 6), four 10-win weeks (including a 10-2-1 week 3) and lots of 8’s and 9’s. Historically, that’s what it takes to win. And it couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy.
Third place was not yet determined at press time. Going into the playoff tiebreaker were Mike Forst "At Second" and John "You Can’t Call Me to Tell Me If I’ve Won" Kardel, each of whom had logged 130 regular season wins. Gents, please continue to submit picks to the AC. We will publish the results when they become final. Was there really any doubt about who would come home in last place? You may know him as the only FBH-er who makes even Ralph look like a clairvoyant. He owns the worst overall lifetime winning percentage in FBH history (839 - 970 - 47, .464 winning percentage). In his eight seasons, he has finished in last place three times (1995, 1996, 1998) and in second-to-last twice (1992, 1993). The man is a pro. He is Dave "The Phabulous Phoney" Schwade. One of the notable features of this year’s FBH, has been its surprising lack of tie-breaker activity considering the number of entrants. The fourth quarter was no exception, as all the divisional races were completed within the allotted time. Congratulations to all the winners! Mookie Division That being said, Angelo "Green Bird" Forgione and Michelle "Dolphin Friendly" Brown did technically end up tied for the MQ4 race, however, their 35 wins was also best in the wild card race. Therefore, you can call either one the winner here and the other the winner of the wild card race. Key Divisional Stats: 1996 FBH Champ Todd "Sugar Bear" Meyer boasted the best record in the division…Based on his forty-second place finish, Uncle Ken will receive the 1998 Nipplehead Award in a ceremony on January 2nd in Rocky Point, NY. Jackie Division Looks like "Penguin" Pete Knapp got mental scurvy (arrrgh!) on his sea voyage to the Antarctic, succumbing to a 5-10 final week which allowed Jeff "Dr. Zaius" Vanek to squeeze by him for the upset. Miss Kimba also gained some ground, but ended up a game short. Sadly, last week, Kenny disappeared and is presumed dead… Unclear on Those bastards! Key Divisional Stats: Although Dick and Jody had better overall seasons, Mike F. was the only person to repeat as division winner this season…Dick wins the first "Excel unspecified prize for the specified goal" award. He will receive it once I figure out what it is. Little Boy Division Ron "Juggernaut" Hadecompleted a strong finish with a league-best 37-win fourth quarter, good for a four game victory in the LQ4 race. Key Divisional Stats: The Shupp contingent boasted a .515 winning percentage to top the Schwade clan’s .507 mark…Ralph continues to be the longest running FBH-er never to have won anything (no, not even last place) – 8 seasons and counting.
Please see the Mookie Division explanation.
That being said, and with the knowledge that the 1998 Cowboys were the first NFC East team to win all eight divisional games this year, why aren’t the ‘Boys getting their props? This team has the best playoff pedigree of any active team – they’ve been there and know what it takes. They may be a bit older, but it wasn’t that long ago. True, a rookie coach taking a team all the way seems a bit of a stretch. But this team was two 13-12 losses (to Oakland and Chicago – with Jason Garrett at QB) from a 12-4 record, which is nothing to sniff at. They have looked lethargic at times (especially on offense) and were rung up by the Broncos and Viqueens (both on national TV) but they win often. I, for one, will believe in this team until proven otherwise in the playoffs.
Call it superstition, but the Commish has a steamer trunk-load of reluctance about discussing the upcoming AFC playoffs. Perhaps my youthful braggardism has been supplanted by quiet middle-aged confidence. One thing is true, detachment is playing a major role this year. Do I feel the Jets have what it takes to win the title? Yes. Do I think that they are the only team in this category? Hardly. The best a fan of any playoff team can hope for is an effort to be proud of, a "we gave it our best shot". Hopefully, this will bring victory. Certainly, it will bring pride and honor. Good luck to everyone in the playoffs!
The upcoming off-season will give the LBFBHHQ staff a chance to make some programming improvements and update statistics and other information. Whether or not we actually take advantage of this opportunity is an altogether different question. If updates are made, the AC will advise via email. This break in the action also gives you guys time to be creative on your end. We can scan photos, post rambling treatises, etc. Get us stuff and we’ll do the rest. For those of you who expect to experience FBH withdrawal, the FBH "patch" is now available to slowly wean you from football and tide you over until the end of the summer. (Suggestion: As a temporary "fix" until your shipment arrives, mix equal parts Guinness, World Party, and Performance Fleece.) In any case, please enjoy your time away from us and, until we meet again, please carry our good feelings and esteem with you. You can wear them like invisible jewelry. And don’t forget, FBH looks good on your resume. This is the Commish. GO! [ As the final week of the season has now concluded, now would be a good time to send in those (past) dues. The LBFBHHQ has received all but seven entries, and the Commish would greatly appreciate not having to pick up the slack for too long. If you are unsure if you have paid, we will be happy to confirm. FBH 3104 Somerville Lane, Carrollton, Texas 75007. [ The AssCommish will be updating the lifetime standings, etc. during the offseason. As a preview we announce, much to our collective chagrin, the new lifetime wins leader is Yogi "Beer! Beer!" Yeager with 1252. Second is Jeff V. with 1247, third is Audrey "Medical Monkey" Vanek with 1243. [ Miss Kimba and I are looking forward to our upcoming East Coast swing for New Year’s Eve and playoff game (featuring the Cowboys/Cardinals and "Flutie and the Blowfish") watching. We’re informally calling it the "Commish finally writes the final FBH on time victory tour." This Is Ralph, Go! a I've done the math, and after 8 years, I'm 0 for 68 in the money winning categories. Here's a breakdown: 8 years = 32 Quarters, 8 chances to finish 1st, 8 chances to finish 2nd, 8 chances to finish 3rd, 8 chances to finish Last, and this year - 4 chances to win a Wild Card. That's 68 opportunities to score some cash, and I've come up empty on every one of them. I suck. |
Until
next time, from the love-beaded Football Happenings headquarters,
it’s little kisses, little kisses and ciao ciao!
Buntman
Site design by Ralphworld
This site created on 4/29/97
You’re surprised. Ralph is beside himself. I’m flabbergasted.
Nevertheless, here it is: The final FBH! And before the playoffs
begin! Astounding! Unprecedented.
Second place was won by Jody
"Butch" Posey in his maiden FBH season, finishing at 131 - 101 - 8
(.565). A solid effort turned in by young Butchy that saw him at or near the top of the
leaderboard all season. Perhaps working for Yogi has taught him the
humility and patience needed for success in a grueling FBH campaign. We’ll look
forward to next year and see if Jody can stave off the sophomore jinx.
The demise of the NFC East has gotten much press this season.
Admittedly, this subject has received its fair share of my ink this season. However, in
the final analysis, the division actually stands up fairly well. With no doubt, the AFC
East, with four playoff teams, boasts the best records. Beyond that, would you be
surprised if I told you that the NFC East was second? The division sent two teams to the
playoffs (Dallas and Arizona) and had a third place team finish 8-8 (Giant Boys) and a
fourth place team finish 6-10 (Skins). Other than the mighty AFC East, no other division
compares.
OK, before anyone starts foaming
at the mouth talking about portents (like the upcoming Super Bowl is number XXXIII –
The Jets won Super Bowl III – or that the game will be played in Miami – the
site of the 1969 contest – or past Bill Parcells trends, etc.) let’s take a
moment to love the Jets for what they have given us all year: A real team. Jet teams
"you could count on" have been few and far between, and this season’s team
may be the best since the ’68 Champs. This alone is cause for a large cosmic yippee!
First and foremost, thanks go to all the FBH-ers for being
part of the pageantry, even to those who took the home teams more than occasionally –
especially to those of you who sent in pictures, news items, comments and
suggestions… Naturally, huge Commishythanks go to Ralphie for his
technical devotion and creative input… Miss Kimba for story ideas,
constructive criticism, the big monitor, and for letting me win… The cats (Mookie,
Jackie and Little) for lending us their names this season and for reminding me to get
enough sleep… Yogi (@BearTech.com) for the use of the web and mail
servers… The "Hard Copy" FBH-ers for their patience (with me and the US
Postal Service)… The Jets for having a season for the ages…The Cowboys for
showing guts… Direct TV for every game in the universe… Kenny
for his (marginally successful) picking despite getting killed off every week… Karl
for the FBH soundtrack… The lady at the Sunshine Store in Deep Ellum for the love
beads…The guys at Grapevine Municipal Golf Course for the 13th hole (Uh
oh, Sid’s drunk again)…To the complex sentence (where would I be without
you?)... To anyone out there who is trying to make the world a better place and to those
on the voyage of self-discovery… to past FBH-ers (we’d love to have you
back)… and to whoever invented Deviled Eggs.