Vol. 2 Issue 7 -- October 22, 1998

In This Issue:

Week Seven: Jan or Peter Brady – Here’s the story...
Sometimes You Feel Like a Nut – Mounds of victories for Mikey.
Who the Heck is Gonna Win This Thing, Anyway? – Like I know.
Jets & Tuna: Not Dolphin Safe – The Commish isn’t the only manic Jetfan here.
Free Association – If not absolutely free, then reasonably priced.

Week Seven: Jan or Peter Brady

The middle child faces challenges. Maybe week seven never put on a giant afro or threw a party for itself but, as the middle week of the quarter, it did give us some moments. First, all you "happy homers" took a 9-3-1 record away. We got to witness another no-show by the Cowboys. Jet and Giant victories, featuring that other Brady – Kyle, who chipped in with 5 catches and 2 TDs. We lost another team from the ranks of the undefeated thanks to Doug Flutie.

 It would behoove us to take note that there are only 26 games left in the second quarter. Week eight is a shorty, but there are a few testers to scratch the ol’ noggin over. The Vikes travel to Detroit on the heels on the Lions’ "handling" of the Packers. Denver, always tough at home, face maybe the second best team in the AFC: the Jaguars (this game should tell us a lot about the remainder of the season). Those lovable Jetties host the playoff bound Falcons -- and are early 3 ½ point favorites!? Scum/Pastriots. And, thankfully, we get a rest from the NFC East.

Sometimes You Feel Like a Nut

  Mikey "Almond" Joyce went 10-2-1 to jump to the front of the pack for the first time this year, unseating John "Gozinya" Kardel. Mark "Itchy Jelly" Vanek loaded up on the "home (team) cooking" to move within two games and into a tie with Kelly "Krapeweasels Rule" Howell.

 Proudly, the FBH family now has a .513 overall winning percentage. This is partly due to the success of the favorites and home teams (it’s easy to pick them). To their credit, the guys at the bottom of the list don’t take the easy way out. They pick pretty much every week. Badly, but they are picking none the less. The new "First in Last" FBH-er is Steve "Blue Hen Boy" Ruble, who just hasn’t been the same since the Phillies traded away Charlie Hayes. At least he is preserving a little Schwade dignity, at least for the moment.

Divisional Races

Mookie Division

OK. If the leaders aren’t going to pick this could get boring. Todd and Mark both took the home teams and still lead. Dad did the same and he stayed two back. But there’s plenty of time left for us real competitors.

 Key Divisional Stat: Three of us trail in the quarterly standings by double digit amounts. Time to save it up for the third quarter, perhaps?

Jackie Division

Jeff "Sinful Man" Vanek denies being a yankee. No one’s really mistaking him for Bo Duke either. Whatever the case, he still up by two games but there is a foursome right behind him that wants to play through.

Sadly, last Saturday evening, Kenny got stuck in the service elevator at the Adam’s Mark Hotel and was found forty-five minutes later after he had choked on some bat appetizers. Those bastards!

 Key Divisional Stats: Despite leading the division, JV is in 37^th place overall.

Little Boy Division

Stern continues to be "the word," but Mikey has caught fire and is now tied with Mr. Jeff, who claims to have a picture of 'partner in crime' Sara "I have got to find out what that ‘shackle’ thing is about" Esparza celebrating a Bronco score on his who’s who page. I’ve heard of computer dating before, but this takes the cake.

 Key Divisional Stat: Congratulations to Rob "F-stop" Tringali, Jr. for winning game four of the World Series.

Who the Heck is Gonna Win This Thing, Anyway?

 This NFL season doesn’t look like it will be another case of rounding up the usual suspects come the end of the regular season. Let’s have a look at last year’s playoff teams. The Giants? QB Danny Kanell’s clean bill of health is the only good news so far for the G-men, who don’t seem to even have a handle on the weak-kneed NFC east. Green Bay has looked average as Brett Favre looks bored and impatient. Put him back on the pain medicine. One word for Tampa Bay: Yipes! Detroit did beat the Packers, but that doesn’t say much and the Lions are 2-4. Saint Francis is 5-1 by the grace of a higher power and look very beatable. The Patriots still look like a quality team, and I like their new running back so far. Miami doesn’t have a realistic shot to do much. They are trending downward. The Jaguars should challenge. Pittsburgh hasn’t given anyone much reason to believe yet, edging some marginal teams on the way to 4-2. Kansas City still has Marty Schottenheimer as their coach which is akin to having the Babe Ruth curse in baseball. You like them, but the little spark is just waiting for a cold December AFC match-up to extinguish it.

 New comers? The Jets? I really think they’ll make the playoffs, but what can we expect from there? The Falcons are 5-1, but SF can still toss them around like a rag-doll, so it’s hard to have loads of confidence in them. Plus which, Chris Chandler gets hurt singing the National Anthem half the time, and Steve "Don’t Pay the Ferry Man" DeBerg is not an answer. Unless the question is: "who is the oldest man alive?"

 So this leaves us with Minnesota and Denver. Both are 6-0 to this point and the victories haven’t been cheap. But it seems kooky to even mention this as a Super Bowl match up. Doesn’t it? Take a closer look.

 The ViQueens have a deep offensive unit. They have been winning with their backup QB, Randall Cunningham in the lineup. You have got to like Rob Johnson, though, once he gets healthy. Relying on Randall is asking for trouble, but as a backup…looks pretty nice. Big question on "O": can Robert "The Cure" Smith stay healthy? A big question given the past couple of seasons. The defense is good enough. Will we ever see the Vikings in the big game again, Papa? I think so.

 Riddle me this. Who is going to go into Denver and win in December? This year? Nobody. The Donkeys are clearly the best in the AFC. Unless some really weird series of events happen, you can pull out the Elway jersey for your Super Bowl party again. I know, it’s easy to pick the front runners and there are big ifs on players staying healthy. But it adds up. Too many other teams are just good, and not exceptional. But what do I know, I took Cincinnati over Tennessee last week and lost by about 40 points.

Jets and Tuna: Not Dolphin Safe

This is Ralph, Go!
 Can someone please explain the Jets to me. They go out and take care of the hated Scum and "that Prick" Marino rather handily. They then fail to show up against the mediocre Los Angeles[?] Rams and made me wonder where this season was heading (at 2 - 3 and facing a trip to Mass.). But then, a wonderful trend continued to blossom. This was the 3rd installment of Tuna Bowl and the Jets wore their glass slippers. (Wait, shouldn't that be "Tuna Ball" then? C'mon people, work with me here...) It seems that the silly Patriots take their semi-annual affair with their former head coach way too seriously. Bledsoe talks about how he was so anxious for the 1st meeting last year that he didn't play well because of it... "but I'm ready this year", he proclaimed before last Monday night's Foxboro Gala. And also, to show how much they didn't miss Curtis Martin, they handed the ball to their new rookie RB so much that Bledsoe forgot he could throw passes. Well Drew, your fairy Godmother is waving his magic wand over a new team these days, as the Jets took Tuna Bowl III in wonderful fashion in front of a nationwide audience, making it 2 of 3 in the series so far, and I couldn't be prouder.

  Leading the charge is my new-found hero, Vinny Testaverde. I never thought I'd be chanting "Vinny, Vinny", after watching him during his not-quite spectacular days as a Hurricane, Buccaneer, Brown, Hraven, and whoever else he may have played for. But as the ONLY Jet QB ever to go 3 - 0 in his first three starts, and as Glen Foley resides in the 0 - 3 for the season doghouse, you can bet I'm practicing my best Vinny chant.

 And speaking of Jet QB ineptitude: saw this stat during the Monday Night game... thru their history, only 2 Jet QB's have a winning record!! And one of them went 1 - 0 for the Titans! Does that even count? (Only 4 members of the Jets '68 Championship team were members of the Titans. For 10 Points, name them.) And the one Jet QB who somehow managed to survive a full Jet career with a winning record? Pat Ryan, who played on some crappy Jet teams thru the 80's. But even knowing the sad Jet history as I do (7 winning seasons in the 30 years since 1968), this fact still amazes me. Richard Todd? Ken O'Brien? Nope! Matt Robinson? Joe Willie Namath??! Not even Namath has a winning record? For shame! Boomer Esiason? Tony Eason? Glen Foley? Nope! Al Woodall? J.J. Jones? Nope! Amazing. I could go on and on...

Free Association

 This is the Commish. GO!

[ Hey, Break up the Kniggits! If you didn’t hear, RU beat Pitt 25-21 despite being 25 point underdogs. Tulane is next. C’mon: Let’s Do the (Green) Wave"!

[ Quote of the week from Jody Posey: "god bless those lions....for helpin out tha lazy people of tha world. :)"

[ Follow up to the Jung article. I decided to trust my dream and take the Hravins. What I forgot was Jung said that dreams were the opposite of reality. DOH!

[ The LBFBHHQ staff is looking for a few good opinions. (Actually, as usual, we’ll take any opinions.) The Point/Counterpoint featuring The Commish vs. The AssCommish gave us the idea to have an FBH-er take a side about an issue they care deeply about and verbally spar with one of us. If this sounds good to you, let us know and we’ll set it up.

[ WELCOME BACK JOE NIEUWENDYK! Star of the game in his first game back with a goal and an assist.

[ Interesting that the NFL admitted that the referees called not one but two mistaken holding penalties against the Colts’ secondary in their near (aka should have been) upset of Saint Francis last week. The blown calls negated two apparent interceptions. Ouch! Looks like the Colt front office needs to brush up on their Mafia connections.