Vol. 2 Issue 8 -- October 30, 1998
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Booooo!! |
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Two Minute Warning – Mike who?
Trick or Treat – You may be surprised at this year’s crop of goblins.
More Costumes - Who is that masked man?
‘Een: Hallowed or Hollow? – I’ve been at this all day and it could go anywhere.
Free Association – I’m free. And freedom tastes of reality.
And throughout the page, well
take a look at how some of our
FBH members are celebrating the occasion!
Hopefully you have conserved some of your timeouts, because we’re in the final minutes of the first half. After next week’s fourteen game schedule, the byes are outta here and the rest of the season is back to the fifteen game full slates, just like the good lord intended. So strap your helmet on tight, and if you can’t get it into the endzone – get out of bounds, for the love of Mike!
Every one of the divisional races are close. Week nine should be fun, fun, fun! What with the marquee matchup of the Packers vs. the Forty Niners (when’s the last time you remember SF as an underdog?), both undefeateds visiting upset minded squads, and sweaty palms for the bitter NFC East battles, how can you lose?
Before I forget, last week had its share of excitement. We had a couple of near-perfect efforts in week 8. First, the Monday Night game played Jimmy Qualls to Genvieve Monet’s Tom Seaver (Monet: That’s what I want) as she ended 11-1. Cap’n Rich (AKA "The Racquette Rocket") was undefeated during Sunday afternoon action before ending 10-2. Ellen "Faux Mrs. Commish" Raimondo also had the fine 10-2 mark last week.
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The neighborhood kids are out and about again. Look, there’s little Mikey "Superman" Joyce, the little bastard with the 62 wins. He’s still on top. And here comes that nice John "Teletubby" Kardel who is two games back in a three-way tie with Cap’n Rich and First Officer Kelly, who apparently coordinated their halloween fashions this year.
Sadly, it happens every year. The older kids come out late and act like a bunch of punks. Hey, aren’t you too old for candy? What is that? A roll of toilet paper! Give that to me, Mister! Our last place group looks like nothing but trouble, led by Steve "Ruble Without a Cause" and the Schwade Sisters, Frenchie and Pinky (Dave & Steve). |
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Divisional RacesMookie Division
I was only kidding about the picking, last week guys. Nevertheless, we have a knock-down-drag-‘em-out fight for the division between Todd "An iron in every state" Meyer and Alex "The Old Yankee Craftsman" Bunting.
Key Divisional Stat: Overall winning percentage is up to .515, despite having 4 of the bottom 7 competitors in the standings.
Jackie Division
Apparently, Mike is a Forst "to be reckoned with". A strong 9-3 effort helped the Golden One take over the lead one in front of Jeff "Tougher Than the Rest" Vanek and Kelly Kelly.
Sadly, last Monday, Kenny was driving near Prestonwood Country Club when an errant tee shot made by a local politician struck the car he was riding in causing the gas tank to ignite and explode on impact. Those bastards!
Key Divisional Stats: This is the tightest division, with only 7 games separating first and last for the quarter.
Little Boy Division
Little Mikey has been consistent, almost calculating in his recent assent to the top of the overall and LB divisional quarterly standings. Let us not forget the work of Jeff "Where are those Avalanche fans now?" Sternberg, who vows never to give up without a fight (unless the lighting is bad or the beer is warm). He and Mellenhead, who used her awesome week 8 record to climb right back into it, are just one game back.
Key Divisional Stat: This division has the largest spread from first (Mikey: 32 wins) to last (Dave: 19 wins) this quarter.
 Dick (M) & Audrey (M) Vanek |
 L. to R.: Angelo (Potsie), Roy (Richie), Kim (Mookie), Steve R. (Fonzie), Ralph (Mouth) |
 Kim & Roy as Kim & Roy |
 Ellen & Bob as Kim & Roy |
First of all, you may want to know what exactly an een is. It’s short for evening, as far as I know. Hallowed means holy or sacred. The original name for Halloween was All Hallowed Even. This monicker proved too cumbersome and did not look good on greeting cards, so it was changed. And, if I may continue to spout off unconfirmed facts, the name Halloween signifies the evening of all Souls’ Day, the day before All Saints’ Day. So this one night bridges the gap between all the earthly folk and all who fall into the "other" category. Well, this seems to be some pretty serious ground to cover in only one een.
But do we really consider the departed or get otherwise dipped in spirituality when the end of October rolls around? Nope, not the majority of us. But then again, pretty much every holiday has lost much of its spiritual focus to commercialism and the ever quickening pace of everyday life.
For a change this year, come Saturday, I think I’m going to spend some time thinking about the spirit that binds humankind together. About how that spirit connects us to everyone else in this world and how we are essentially unique versions of the same model of animal – just with a different mix of emotion or perception or situation. Then, on Sunday, I’m going to remember the spirits who aren’t here physically, but who live on this earth through us, the people they influenced. And then I’m going to watch lots of football and eat leftover candy. Happy Halloween everyone.
This is the Commish. GO!
[ It’s the rare home/home series between me and Angelo "Bird-Man" Forgione this weekend. First, the Scarlet Kniggits host those ornery Temple Owls on Saturday. Then the Eagles/Cowboys at The Vet. (Hey Ang. I just realized that your pro team is the "Green Birds")
[ A footnote to Ralph’s well-worded Jet essay from last week. Joe Willie Namath did not have a winning record as a Jet starter, however, he did not have a losing record either. He was exactly .500. Somehow, this fact puts some justice behind my just-better-than break-even historic FBH record.
[ I have a story about the AssCommish’s trip to see the Jets last week, but it contains "pouncing", a tight end, intoxication, and a public men’s room, so I don’t feel comfortable relating it here. (That could read: "pouncing a tight end while intoxicated in a public men's room" -- AC)
[ Call me nutty but I have a theory that NFL referree Jerry Markbreit is actually Moe Howard’s son. If true, this explains a lot. Still looking for the connection to Curley Lambeau, Larry Czonka and Bob Schemp, though.
[ You can see that your LBFBHHQ staff spent most of its production time on the visual aids this week and less on the writing. It’s a trade-off. The inane blather should resume next week in full force.
[ The brooding Dr. Benton as John Shaft. Right on!
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Until
next week, from the love-beaded Football Happenings headquarters,
it’s little kisses, little kisses and ciao ciao!
Buntman A
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