It is 9:45PM on
Tuesday 12/28/99. Kim and I enjoyed a fine game of golf this
afternoon including the new nine holes at Grapevine (FYI: Sid still
blows). As I sit down with Curtis Mayfield on the stereo (RIP Curtis), to
compose the penultimate FBH of the season -- and the final one of the 1900’s
– Miss Kimba is busily inputting "to dos" for this
Saturday’s party into her palm pilot. If any of you haven’t heard, we
are hosting a "Thank God The World Isn’t A Smoldering Heap"
party on January 1, 2000 at 8PM in the Love Beaded FBH Headquarters. If
you would like to join us, and haven’t already talked to us, or need
directions or other questions answered, email Kimba at k.bunting@worldnet.att.net.
And don’t worry, Ralph will be in New Jersey.
Hundreds of picks
in the books for 1999 and it all comes down to this. [Go Ralph!!]
Hi, my name is
Ralph and I will be your guide thru this portion of the newsletter. This
is a very special issue, in that I am creating it from a remote locale, a
first in FBH history. I'm enjoying the holidays in NJ, and I'm currently
in the bedroom of brother Bob. I spent some time in Times Square on
Wednesday, being smart and getting the hell out of NYC well before the Y2K
panic strikes. And if the world doesn't come to an end at Midnight
Saturday, I will be attending the final Jets game of the season on Sunday.
And although I am 1500 miles from home, I STILL managed to make MY picks
this past week, so what's YOUR excuses??
First Place:
Don't get me started on the evils of the "Home Team Defaults"
for Non-Pickers. I have been over this silly rule with Roy thru the
years and he has yet to budge. Let's take this past week as an example
of why the current rule blows. 16 people failed to make the effort to
actually pick the games this past week. Understandably, it was a tough
week with the Xmas holiday and all, but by not bothering to pick they
brought home an 11-3-1 record. Considering the best record produced by
someone who DID pick was 10-4-1 (Rob "I know three French
words" Tringali, Jr.) I can hardly believe that 16 people
actually deserve an 11-3-1. Add to this the fact that the man who was
ahead prior, Steve "Home Defaulters Suck" Ruble by 3
games is now 3 games BEHIND going into the final week because of a pair
of Home Defaulters. (Granted, his 5-9-1 performance didn't help any.)
And if you look at the standings, you will see that 8 of the top 11
people failed to make picks in Week 15. And one of the people in the top
5 has not made an actual pick since week 8!! Is this fair?? I think not.
Where is the motivation to make an actual pick?
Last Place: Now
here is a true FBH'er... Bob "I make picks every week, damn
it" Shupp has a stranglehold on the Dane Award for 1999. He is
the only one of us not to reach the 100 mark in wins yet and is a full 5
games behind the next worst picker. Keep up the bad work Boobie!
Right now, Pete
"What do I win for 25th place?" Knapp is
in line for the 25th place "Free Picking" award. But
this is likely to change. Just how can one try to come in 25th?
Divisions: In the
Mookie, Home Team Defaulters ("HTD's") rule the roost over Dawn
"Making an effort to pick" Ruble by one game going into
the final week. The Jackie Division finds more HTD's controlling the
leader board, and thusly none deserves mention here. Ditto over in the
Little Boy portion of FBH.
[Back to Roy...]
Cowboys/Giants:
The Biggest Game of the Season
I don’t know if
it’s Y2K worries or somebody got a case of bad rolls, but evidently,
when the powers that be asked which teams wanted to make the NFC playoffs,
no one responded. Perennial playoff building block Saint Francis is
staying home this post season, ending their string of 7 consecutive
playoff appearances. As of Christmas morning, it appeared that you could
add The Dallas Cowboys (AKA "The Team of the 90’s") to that
list after they were victimized by the lowly Nawlins Ain’ts the day
before.
But what a
difference two days make. Apparently, Jerry Jones signed Lazarus on
Saturday night because, by Sunday afternoon, Cowboy hopes were
miraculously rekindled after a far-fetched combination of losses by
several conference rivals. Incredibly, the 7-8 ‘boys still control their
own playoff destiny, needing only to win Sunday over the Giant boys at
Texas Stadium (unconfirmed at this point whether or not God will actually
be watching through the roof). The G-men need slightly more help. The
following playoff scenario is from www.NFL.com:
New York: Can clinch
playoff berth with EITHER a win AND EITHER a Green Bay loss or tie OR with
New York beating Green Bay and Carolina in best net points in conference
games (currently New York -56, Green Bay 0, Carolina -18) OR a tie AND a
Green Bay loss AND a Carolina loss.
This looks like the
kind of game the Cowboys are destined to win, doesn’t it? You know,
rumblin’ (3-0 start), bumblin’ (losses to Philly and Arizona),
stumblin’ (losing a "must win" to NO) but they get over the
goal line. Remember that great Emmitt Smith performance the last time
Dallas ended the season against the Giants? I do. It was January 2, 1993
and Kim and I were listening on the radio as we drove up the New York
Thruway. Dallas won its second straight Super Bowl that year. Emmitt has
been the best player for Dallas in this era, and giving up a fumble on the
losing play last week did not sit well with him. Expect Number 22 to show
up on Sunday with a vengeance and will the Cowboys to victory.
Haven’t
I Told You About Ray Lucas Yet?
All together now:
J-E-T-S JETS! JETS! JETS! I could not be more proud of The New York Jets,
especially of their first year QB Ray Lucas. Tell me, just how sweet it to
defeat the arch-rival (and all-evil) sea scum not once but twice this
month, thereby putting their playoff aspirations into critical condition.
Super Ray outplayed antagonist Dan "That Prick" Marino before a
national TV audience (and perhaps Danny’s last home crowd), throwing
three TD’s in Monday night’s 38-31 victory. It was funny to hear the
ABC announcers reporting flashes of "The old Dan Marino" when it
mostly looked like an old Dan Marino.
"It’s the
best win of the year for us" said Jet Grand Pubah Bill Parcells.
After starting 1-6, the Jets have pulled it together to go 6-2 over the
past two months. They can complete the moral victory by finishing 8-8 with
a Week 17 win over Seattle at the Meadowlands, but, in the long run, it
may be more desirable for our green-clad heroes to lose next week. Whatzis?
The Commish rooting agin’ the Jetties? Before you git a rope, let me
explain.
No matter what any
of us do, our beloved Jets will not be making the 1999 playoffs, so how
much does another win really matter. A loss would drop them to 7-9, and,
if NE can figure out which endzone is theirs (a big "if"), they
may win (a bigger "if"), thereby finishing ahead of New York.
This would give Jets’ 2000 playoff hopes an early boost thanks to a
cushier "last place" schedule. But there’s something much more
in my little plan.
The three teams
vying for the final AFC wild-card slot are Seattle, Kansas City and Miami.
If Seattle and KC win, they are in, as one will win the AFC West and the
other the wild card. The Jets host Seattle next Sunday. Remember last year
when the Jets "beat" Seattle (and kept them out of the playoffs)
thanks to Jet QB Vinny Testaverde’s football-shaped head. The Jets have
an outstanding karmic debt to Seattle, and now is a good time to settle
that score. If Seattle wins and KC holds up their end of the bargain, the
scum go home early so Jimmy can spend more quality time with his family as
he had planned, and Danny can get on with his retirement party.
But back to Mr.
Lucas. His development is this disappointing season’s silver lining. For
the same reasons a team with "nothing to lose" can be a
formidable opponent, Ray has had time to develop with less pressure to
win. It is also my theory that the better Lucas does the better for the
Rutgers football program from a recruiting standpoint. Speaking of which,
I thoroughly enjoy the symmetry in the fact that RU won the first college
football game and a Rutgers QB won the last pro game of the 1900’s.
Things
That Make Me Say: "Hmmmm"
Yippie Ki Yea! For
Dick Vermiel and all, however, when I hear the pundits handing the SuperBowl to 13-2 St Louis, I have to say "Whoa Nellie!" True
enough, Kurt Warner has been the surprise of the season and Marshall Faulk
is the NFC MVP, becoming only the second player in NFL history to have
over 1000 yards rushing and receiving in the same season. But whom have
they played? Their wins came over Baltimore, Cincy, Cleveland, Giants, as
well as a sweep of the sad NFC Western division (Atlanta, SF, Carolina,
and NO) – not a playoff team among them. The only games against playoff
teams were the only losses, to Tennessee (24-21) and Detroit (31-27).
Jeff George.
Tennessee downs
Jacksonville for the second time this year behind a resurgent Steve McNair
as the Jags, now needing a win next week to ensure home-field throughout
the playoffs and/or the AFC Central title, lose their main man Mark
Brunnell for at least a week. Who’s the favorite now?
Supposed powerhouse
Indy barely defeats Cleveland with a last-second field goal. Just who is
expected to win this thing? Call Marty Schottenheimer!
[
Wonderful
headline in the DMN last week regarding Mavs GM Don Nelson’s
penchant for finding "talent" abroad (none of whom ever seem
to work out): "A 7-9 Korean? Quick, hide those Mavericks
passports."
[
After
reading his last public comments (which will not be glorified by
reprinting here), let’s hope Atlanta Braves RP John "Off
His" Rocker makes a New Year’s resolution to stop being quoted
in the media. Didn’t he learn from the infamous 1998 David Cone vs.
The L.A. Dodgers incident? Or, for that matter, the extra-infamous
1983 Bob Shupp vs. Floor incident?
[ Dave Schwade:
"I want this to be Marino's last season." Bob Shupp:
"Not Me! I'm just beginning to like him. Jets have beaten him
four in a row, that prick."
[ Don’t
forget to go to www.NHL.com to vote
for Joe Nieuwendyk for the North American All-Star team.
[ FFB
update: The four team playoff started last week and the results are
in. The first seeded Bonecrushers, led by Kyle "Blondie"
Paterson downed Will "asdfasdf" Wong and The Cobra Sting on
the strength of that Randy Moss TD pass. Blondie will meet Rob
Tringali, Jr. in the finals next week, as Rob’s team defeated the
slumping Section 122, Row 37 squad captained by Boobie Shupp on the
strength of 3 TD plunges by "The Edge" (that’s the Indy RB,
not Bono’s buddy) and a whopping 471 yards passing from Washington
QB Brad Johnson. Good luck gents!
[ Patty
Snider sends the following via email: "Send our love to your
families and the FBH friends that I know (it’s gotten kinda big).
Love and Peace, Patty and the kids.
[
We will
see you right here next week, unless we meet in the hereafter before
then. Carpe Diem! Love and beautiful dreams to everyone.
