IN
THIS ISSUE:
[
FBH
Recap
– And a
Dave shall lead them.
[
Realignment
or Bust
– As usual, I prefer bust.
[
NFL Happenings – Ralph finds what all those other NFL photo guys
have been up to.
[
Extra
Points
– The fastest two minutes in footballhappenings.
FBH Recap
As
a group, we showed some improvement, however, thanks to the string of
close games, most of us hovered around .500.
Things
tightened up a bit at the top of the standings as Dave “Fabulous
Phoney” Schwade and Mikey “Almond” Joyce backslid a
bit. Some words of
Commishionary advice for Dave: Picking
backwards will get you only heartache and pain.
Mikey also would like to remind the field that Almond Joy is the
one with nuts.
There
is a four way tie for last place. Two
of our current cellar dwellers are rookies:
Scott “Nothing is my average” Conner and Dave
“37” Baker, so that is understandable, almost preferable.
Jody “Frosting on the Beater” Posey is mired in a
serious sophomore jinx, again unremarkable.
And for some reason I cannot think about John “Titends”
Kardel and not be reminded of how cities tend to win championships
in several sports in clusters. He is the antithesis of that theory.
We had
two more ties last week, although I am not clear on which games they
occurred in. There were
three 8-4-2 showings (Michelle “Tied for second if no one
noticed” Brown, Ardis “Machine Gun” Kelly and Alex
“Painting Lougainis” Bunting.
Steve
“Giant Structure Building Steve” Ruble leads the Mooksters, Joe
“Top 15 athletes of all time” Nieuwendyk and Paul “Sunny
Boy” Kessler are tied in the Jackie race, and Doug “Pepe”
Manuel. The FBH staff
is working on confirming that Manuel was on the Brochures.
Realignment
or Bust
The
announcement that Houston has been awarded the 32nd NFL
franchise has rekindled the flames of football fans who decry the lack
of geographical correctness exhibited by the current divisional
arrangement. The anti
positionists stand ready with their rivalry preservation platform.
In conscious memory, the NFL has not seen fit to make any
divisional changes except for through addition of expansion teams.
Is
realignment really necessary? Should
rivalries be preserved? I
must say that I lost something when baseball’s team shuffling meant
the Mets would be henceforth separated from the Cubs, Cards and Bucs.
Imagine if Tagliabue & Co. moved the Sea Scum outside the AFC
East. Despite the fact that
we Jetfans have had to suffer with Dan “that prick” Marino
for 17 seasons, watching the Mia/NE game lost something when he was not
playing last week due to injury. That
reminds me, I should go out and get him a get well gift, maybe some
Isotoner gloves or something.
Does
it offend me that Atlanta is in the NFC West and Arizona is in the NFC
East? Not really.
Besides, the way teams move around, why bother re-racking every
couple of years? Plus,
aren’t ratings better when teams are from different areas of the
country?
However,
if I had to realign the divisions, here's one scenario I would propose:
You
will notice the sleek 4x4 design in each conference.
This feature has the added bonus of eliminating the Wild Card in
favor of four division winners.
I say this while the NFL powers that be will be thinking about an
8-team playoff with 4 wild cards.
This setup maintains most of the long-established rivalries.
While some rivalries will be interrupted, (Dallas in the NFC
West? Shriek!!)
some will be increased (they already have a decent rivalry with the
Niners, for example).
Of course the other NFC East matchups will be missed, but
Tennessee/Houston is a natural.
Some optional improvements could be made
by changing the division names (perhaps, Mookie, Jackie, etc.) or even
the conference names (like The Wallinger Football Conference, The Xuxa
Football Conference). There
was another alignment I liked, however, it included moving the Sea Scum
to the NFL Europe, but I guess that wouldn’t be good diplomacy.
[
It always sounds so stupid when someone else picks the Bengals.
So why do I continue to pick them myself?
[ Don’t forget the KC/Hravins game on Thursday night this week.
[
Atlanta QB Chris Chandler is the only football player who is
permanently listed on the injury report as “questionable” – even
while he is in the game.
[ The Commish extends special greetings our two Jetfriends from
Scotland. I know who is
on the bottle of Jet tequila, but who is on the bottle of Jet Scotch
Whiskey?
[
It seems that CBS is playing it conservative when it comes to its
pre-game show. Theoretically
the network is using this approach in an attempt to give the AFC more
respectability. If so,
then why do they have Jerry Glanville?
[ Leslie Visser has got to be a huge sport.
I just saw her interviewing Lawrence Taylor on the sidelines of
the Giants/Cowboys MNF game. Some will recall LT’s overly “friendly” approach the
last time they were in that situation.
[
Noticed this bit of ineptitude on our picking as a group this
past week: Of 42 people who consciously (we assume) made picks, only 6
correctly took the Giants over Dallas, and another 6 correctly picked
Denver over Green Bay (only Kenny D. and Ms. Kelley took
them both!). While official stats of this nature are not
kept, I can assure you that 6 of 42 is historically pathetic. {Ralph}
[
You think the Browns are bad?
Rutgers gave up 62 points last week.
That makes a total of 120 in two games.
You have to go back to ’83 to find a higher two game total. That would be 1883, when the kniggits surrendered 135 in two
weeks, including a 98-0 massacre at the hands of Yale.
This week’s unique event?
How about surrendering not one, not two, but three special
teams TDs! And the hits
just keep on coming. RU
QB Mike McMahon will have season-ending shoulder surgery this week.
[
That said, Rutgers alum Ray Lucas is apparently the Jets starting
QB. Ray had a solid
performance marred by a late interception and rather unceremoniously
suffered an ankle sprain on the game’s final play that will keep him
out for 3 to 4 weeks.
[
Speaking of the Jets, Bryan Cox has been a huge contributor and
all the while working and playing well with others.
It sure looked like he had Colts QB Payton Manning intimidated
last week. Then again, I
can be intimidated by a loud referee’s whistle.
[
The Vikes’ woes continue as Randall is benched in favor of Jeff
George. Whaddiyawannabet
the Minnesota brass wishes they had kept Rob Johnson?
How much time has Cunningham got left anyway?
Isn’t this the scary lesson of mortgaging the future for a
chance at winning today (also known as “The Wimpie Approach” as
in: I’ll gladly pay you
next season for a championship today) that the Vikings supposedly
learned during the Herschel Walker trade?
[
FFB Notes: Well
before Sunday’s 6 FG performance, I knew that Olindo Mare was the
man to take at kicker. But
there’s just no way. Wish
you took more Rams during the draft?
Or any Rams, for that matter?
Marshall Faulk is the latest Ram to hit the weekly jackpot with
181 yds and a TD. CommishBoobie won the closest match of the past week
over FBH Photo Guy by 44.78 to 42.81.
Boobie has the top point total despite losing Terrell Davis for
the season and now Jake Plummer for 6-8 weeks.
Well, losing Plummer may actually help.
Biakabutuka watch: no
TDs, 1 fumble. Note: Morten
Anderson is 5-5 in FG’s since I cut him.
[
Thanks to everyone who sent
in their entry fees and to everyone who will be.
Also, thanks to Kenny “Sammy” Davis, we have a new
database that should make the AssCommish a very happy boy, if he can
make it work :-)
[
Although Roy has made clear his feelings for the 1999 Mets, I
must take a moment here to congratulate them on an incredible
post-season effort, and to thank them for bringing me closer than ever
before to the dream of a Subway Series. I'd much rather be watching
NLCS Game 7 tonight, instead of making this page. But, in a year that
also saw the Jets come within two quarters of a Super Bowl, I can't
help but think that some dreams are never meant to come true. Which is
not such a bad thing, because it allows that dream to continue. And
for me, continue it will. {Ralph}
[
Words to live by from The Dalai Lama: “Character is Destiny.”
