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IN
THIS ISSUE:
FBH
Recap – Cramming for midterms.
The Pleasures of “Bad” Football – The Attack of the Killer
Match-up.
Halloween Contest Results -
It's not unusual to be loved by everyone.
NFL Happenings – The Assman cometh.
Extra Points – The fastest two minutes in
Football(happenings).
FBH
Recap
 Apparently
my comments about the Giants really gave you Giantfans competitive
spirit. Hade, Tringali,
Uncle Ken, Dad(?) All
within the top twelve. Break
‘em up! Has Uncle Rich converted yet?
(He did have a league best 11-3 result last week.)
However, staunch Cowboy fan and last year’s champion Dick
“I liked Switzer” Vanek is now back in the middle of things.
And Miss Kimba is so hot right now – look out!
If
the season ended today, Kelly “Cleveland Rocks” Howell would claim
the “Thank You World” prize for 25th place.
If she can balance that hairdo from last week, she should be
exactly in the middle.
Will “The Commish blows more than I
do” Wong must have put all of his mental energies into beating Buntman’s fantasy football team, The Hoppy Lads, last week as he
fell into a three-way tie for last. Will joined two very confused individuals,
Bob “I rule all
fantasy sports leagues except FBH” Shupp and Scotty “I dunna how
much more sheh can take, Cap’n” Conner.
Uncle Rich’s 11-3 performance is
already a matter of public record.
Outstanding Citizen Awards also go to Guy Tringali, our
defending Champ, Yogi Bear, and Sexy Boy.
With Ralph going 10-4 and Dane tied for first, the end is
obviously near.
The
Mookies are lead by Steve “Puddin’head” Ruble with 34 2nd
quarter wins. Uncle Rich
is two back. The rest of
us have a lot of catching up to do in one week.
Paul
“Sara Lee” Kessler has only 32 wins this quarter, but that is good
enough to be Mayor of Jackieville this week.
Arch rival Yogi, Kimba and Niewy are three behind.
Giantboy
has to hold off Doug “Noriega” Manuel for one week and he’s down
to a one-game margin. Unless,
or course, we have OT. We
usually have at least one.
The
Pleasures of “Bad” Football
Subscribing
to the NFL Ticket means that one is not only assured of seeing their
favorite team’s game each week, one is assured of seeing every game,
even “classics” like the Saints/Browns.
Sadly
this week meant either watching a blow-out involving good teams or
watching a close game involving “Bad” Football.
A close game involving bad football usually means a low
scoring, low executing, contest roughly resembling a bunch of guys
trying to catch a greased pig at the county fair.
The
four teams that competed in last season’s conference championships
have been losing with regularity this season (or is that winning with
irregularity?). The Jets
are a particularly poignant example for me and others like me.
Let’s not necessarily mistake this with BF.
You can tell when a team who is not winning has a general clue.
They are well-practiced. They
have an overall game plan.
In
BF, defense has the advantage. This
is not because they are making plays.
It is more like they are observing ineptitude by the opposing
team’s offense. There
are lots of broken plays, one yard gains and losses, bobbled snaps and
incompletions. It roughly resembles life as a civil servant.
Because, God forbid, someone should actually catch a pass,
because tackling him becomes a serious adventure.
This is not always a problem though, as he is more than likely
to lose the ball (by fumble or ill-advised lateral), run out of bounds
or the wrong way, or have his efforts negated by a penalty.
The defense usually scores more anyway.
Last week in overtime, the Giants finally wised up and gave the
ball to the Eagles. Shortly
afterwards, Michael “Still ticked I didn’t get to go to Bob’s
Apartment” Strahan rumbled…bumbled… – you know the rest –
for the clinching TD.
As much disdain as I have for
justification, I was watching the Saints/Browns because Ricky Williams
is a Hoppy Lad and, despite losing because of the play, I was glad to
see the first win by this incarnation of the Browns.
I guess it wasn’t that bad at that.
Halloween
Contest Results
by Ralph
 First off, I extend my thanks for the kind
words of praise for last week's issue. If y'all had half as much fun
viewing it as I did making the costumes then my mission was
accomplished. I spent only a couple late nights putting them all
together, with the concepts for each coming to me as I worked. I would
have a costume photo side by side with the person's photo, cut out the
head, drag it over to the costume, then giggle like a schoolgirl for 5
minutes. I figured if it made me laugh, it would make others laugh.
I can claim responsibility for all of them, except one. Our
winner, by quite a large number of votes, was Tom (Schwade) Jones,
the brainchild of Mr. Roy. I must admit, when Roy sent this one to me, I
peed my pants. And each day when I would see it again for the first
time, I'd wet myself again. For those of us who know Tom, we could not
have picked out a better costume, or pose.
Secondly, I am
overwhelmed by the number of votes we received for this contest. Last
year, on a whim after the page was basically finished, I decided it
would be cool to let everyone vote for their favorites. That week, other
friends and family members (non-FBH'ers) saw the costumes and asked if
they too could vote. I got 32 votes total.
This year, seeing an opportunity to spread the good word of FBH to
others, I invited anyone and everyone to vote, and vote often. I know I
would have had a hard time narrowing my vote down to just one. This also
helped spread the votes out across all the costumes. Sure you may have
loved Mr. Jones, but also got a kick out of Bob as Sam Adams (2nd Place
Finish), or Jar Jar James (3rd Place), or any of the others. This might
explain the obscene total of 84(!) votes I received as of 3pm Wednesday.
Thank you all!
HERE'S THE FINAL
TOTALS:
TOM JONES - 17
BOB "SAM ADAMS" - 9
JAR JAR JAMES - 8
MELLENHEADS - 7
JEFF "TONGUE GUY" - 7
SEXY BOY RALPH - 6
EVEL GENEVIEVE - 6
MIKEY & ARDIS - 5
ROY NIEUWENDYK - 4
DAVE VADER - 4
WILL "ROLO" WONG - 4
QUEEN KELLY - 3
POKE`JOHN - 3
DICK & AUDREY - 1
Hopefully that adds
up to 84. This wasn't the most scientific of polls but I think the results
are clear... Tom Schwade IS Tom Jones reincarnate.
As you can see, everyone got at least one vote. I can only assume
by this that some of you voted for yourselves (Dick? Audrey?). Which is
fine. Avoids the embarrassment of not receiving any votes. Which
looked to be the fate of Will Wong, who was held scoreless until
a late run to stuff the ballot box came this afternoon. Will got all 4
of his votes in the span of 2 minutes. Either he likes his costume a
lot, or he did some last minute campaigning. :-)
Maybe next year,
I'll spend more than a few hurried nights assembling the costumes.
Imagine the possibilities! The mind boggles.
NFL Happenings
 
Tim Couch
and the Browns celebrate their "first" win,
while Ditka (middle above) can only watch in horror. |
Green Bay is embarrassed by an old
friend on Monday Night Football. |
Super Bowl Preview??? |
Deion has one of his patented punt
returns
only to be tackled at the 2 by the punter,
then gets toasted late as the Cowboys stumble in Indy. |
Extra
Points
[
Most significant event of the past two weeks: Jeff and Anne
Vanek became parents for the third time, this time to Baby Daughter
Haley Rose. The new bundle
of joy also makes Audrey and Dick Grandparents for the third time and
Kimba and Roy Aunts for the fifth time.
(Note to self: In future, try to have more nieces and nephews than cats.)
[
Solid results for Halloween contest – congratulations to
Ralph for all of his hard
work. Apologies for not having a picture of Ardis.
[ FFB
Update:
What a crazy pair!
Ricky and Bobby are at it again leading the Leon
Hess Memorial League, both with 6-2 records.
Their week 14 match-up looms larger each week.
[
Best
and worst teams vs. line – Best: Rams 6-1 and (shhh!) Giants 6-2
followed by Indy (5-1-1), Chicago (5-2-1), Detroit and Washington (both
5-2). Worst:
Cincinnati at 1-7 (phew!), with NO and Les Jets at 2-4-1,
Arizona and GB at 2-5, and Saint Francis
at 2-6. FYI, supposedly
hapless Cleveland is 4-4.
[ Two weeks ago, I got slapped for not taking the Cowboys, last
week I got slapped for taking them.
[ Do you realize what a long season it is for me if the Kniggits
don’t win the annual RU/Temple game.
Angelo gets hoot-hooting on me.
You get the picture. But
giving up over 50 points again? To
a basketball school? Were
we playing the basketball team? 0-8
never looked so pathetic going into a 15 point underdog situation vs.
Navy. We couldn’t even
beat the Village People while they were performing “In the Navy.”
I’m guessing they recorded while the “Don’t ask, don’t
tell” policy was in effect.
[
The
following response to Kenny “Managing Expectations” Davis’s
scattershooting comments from the Halloween FBH issue comes from Kelly
“The Sci-fi Babe” Howell:
“The
reason Mark McGuire was dressed so casually (according to Bob Costas)
was that his luggage had been lost and he did not have his suit for the
event. Now, as Jame pointed out, if you are Mark McGuire and walked in
to any suit retailer, they would lick your feet and love it if you
asked. We believe he could have found someone to alter a suit for him in
a pinch. However, when Bob Costas talked about this he did say Mark felt
horrible and wanted the fans to know what had happened so that it did
not appear as he was making any negative statement about America's
Pastime.”
The Commish reminds us that Mark McGwire does not have the “Bluest blue eyes in
Baseball.”
[
Kelly
also had these comments about last week’s FBH:
“Fantastic
job with the Costume Contest. Have
you guys always been this awesome? (note to self: submit new picture for
FBH). Have a beautiful day
and thanks for the fun filled web site.”
Which
prompts another reminder to keep those photos, comments and biographical
information coming. (If Ralph can find time away from being awesome
he'll post anything we get.)
[ You read it here first: The
Falcons are back.
[ I have only begun to ponder the Juan Gonzalez trade, and by next
week, it will probably be the Juan Gonzalez tirade (by me). Talk at you then.
Kenny Davis
gets into the act once again...
-
Did anyone see Lorenzo Neal of the Oilers, I mean Titans, Sunday, when
he blocked three, that's three guys, on the same play? It was a
sweep left for Eddie George. I'm still wondering why George
doesn't get more yards with this guy blocking for him. -
Did anyone catch the interview with Skins' owner Daniel Snyder on the
Fox pre-game show? When I saw they had him live I said 'this ought
to be good'. I was hoping maybe Jim Gray would interview him.
I couldn't write it down fast enough, but his quote regarding the
media's perception of his treatment of Norv Turner was something like
"That's a perception, uh, that's a reality that's really a
perception". Huh??? We perceive you're an idiot Mr. Snyder.
Or is that a reality? -
Best moment of the weekend games - Derrick Mayes catching a touchdown
against his former Packers team at Lambeau, then pretending to do the
'Lambeau Leap', stopped short and gave the crowd a Curly Howard shuffle,
complete with fingers waving under his chin! Nyuk, Nyuk!! -
Sad to have to keep doing this, but here's to the memory of Walter
Payton - there's a guy who everyone should use as a role model.
And in case you missed it, last respects to Max Patkin, the original
'Clown prince of baseball'. If you ever saw him, he was the king -
and predecessor to all mascots. Check out the movie 'Bull Durham'
some time, he had a couple of awesome routines in it.
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