Vol. 4 Issue 13 -- Nov. 29, 2000
Week Thirteen

Football Happenings
(or "If it's not Scottish, it's CRAP!!")

IN THIS ISSUE:

[ The Week Thirteen Review - Including third quarter results.
[ The View from the Castle - Give us an article, we'll make an issue out of it.
[ All Things Scottish?? - Ok, most things Scottish.
[ NFA Action - You'll figure it out.
[ NFL Happenings - It may not be hurling, but we like it.
[ Extra Points - The fastest two minutes in Football Happenings.

The Commish's intro...

This week, we are pleased to have comments from Mike "MacJetfan" Hogg direct from the rugged nation of Scotland. In his honor, we've dedicated this issue to Scotland, and all things Scottish. No background is necessary as Mike will tell you what you don't already know. But first, my twa guineas...

 The first thing for me that comes to mind about Scotland, after memories of being there about 10 years ago, is a little story. Seems Queen Elizabeth was presiding over the opening of a children's wing at a hospital in Edinburg. The ceremony concluded early, so Her Royal Highness decided to visit patients in the other parts of the hospital. The Queen entered one room and asked the occupant how he was doing. In response, he bellowed, "O my Luve's like a red, red rose, that's newly sprung in June."

 Elizabeth was a bit puzzled but continued on to the next room. When she asked the patient in that room the same question, he said "O wad some Power the giftie gie us...To see oursels as ithers see us!"

 At this point The Queen turned to the hospital director and asked, "Is this the mental ward?"

 "No Your Majesty," the director answered, "It's the Burns unit."  

The Week Thirteen Review

  This week's FBH motif aside, a certain degree of normalcy returned to the NFL last week. (Translation: Teams I thought were going to win generally did.) We had some excellent scores, notably 11-3-1 by Angelo and 10-4-1 by Kenny D., Willy W., Dicky V., Jimmy D. and The Commish, and no one did worse than 5-9-1. Thanks to The AssCommish's newest addition to the standings, I can also report that Dick and I were last week's big gainers, each jumping 7 places in the standings.

 We all may be getting tired of it, but Tommy "Lasorda" Shiflett still leads, but his recent mini-slump has reduced his advantage to 2 games. Cap'n Dom is in second place and Mikey "Happy, Happy, Joyce," Joyce and Scott "Dennis" Conner are tied for third.

  All of the divisional races ended on schedule without the pageantry of overtime. Jame-Bobby Howell and Mikey shared the honors with league-best 35-22 records, Jame taking the dada division by a whopping 5 games and Mikey overcoming Cap'n Dom by 2. Angelo "Green Bird" Forgione brought some respectability to the WP division, edging Jim "You're not going to cut off my bird" Dodaro by one in a thrilling race that went all the way down to last week's MNF. Scott's secret informant got out of detention in time to help him go 9-5-1 and squeeze past his Cardigan divisional rivals as Aimee Mann's 0-2 Thanksgiving Day auto-picking was the difference. Mike Forst (at second base) gambled by changing his week 13 MNF pick and defeated John and Paul (where have I heard that combo before?) to capture JoeJackson glory.

Congratulations to all the winners and good luck to everyone in the final quarter and the stretch run.

The View from the Castle....
by Mike Hogg

  As the first European to join in the fun that is Football Happenings, I thought it would be appropriate to let you have the Scottish perspective on sports and related US matters.

 Firstly though, how did I get involved in FBH?

 Briefly, I visited New York last October (1999) and prior to that I was looking for tickets for an American Football match. Emailed Ralph (via his website - a stunning piece of Jets propaganda!) who put me in touch with his brother Bob, who kindly agreed to let me have tickets for the Jets/Colts game, who subsequently invited me to join FBH. Simple, eh?

 Incidentally, no one back home believed me when I told them that the preferred beer in the parking lot was Bass Beer. Why are you sending all the sparkling, tasteless Bud, Rolling Rock, Miller over here then?

 Anyway I am as surprised as anyone with the luck I have had in FBH so far! Give it time!

Baseball

  So my beloved Giants did not make it past the first round of the playoffs, but the Subway World Series certainly made the papers over here. This is something very rare. Baseball is looked upon in the UK as a peculiar game. Indeed, some of my friends call it "rounders" and very boring - they simply cannot see why I like it at all.

 I got into it in 1997 when a new terrestrial channel on TV (we have 5 now, you know!) started showing games live. The timings are awkward, to say the least, but there truly is nothing finer that watching a tape of a live game with the remote in one hand and a large beer in the other.

 The Yankees are relentless if nothing else. Who else could have came into that series with such a (for them) poor season record and win so comprehensively?

NFL

 And so to the sport of FBH.

  The NFL started showing over here in the early 80's and this, remember, was pre Internet times. We would get the highlights of a game 1 week after (on a Sunday) it had actually been played, with a round up of the action from around the league!

 The real reason I liked the Redskins first was that they played in maroon and white - just like Hearts, my real football team. Oh and we all agreed over here that John Riggins was certifiable!!!

 Of course I have matured (!) somewhat since then and I now follow the Jets. Sunday's game was shown live here (9pm on a Sunday night is a bit much!) and although it was not the most engaging game, I did enjoy the Jets putting one over, again, the "Sea Scum".

 Where exactly does this rivalry emanate from?? Aren't the NY Giants the local rivals? How about a Jets V Giants Superbowl in 2001??!!

U.S. Elections

 I have to be careful what I am saying here, but the European press are having a field day!! The only point I would like to make however is that the word "chad" is of Scottish origin!!!!!!

 Och Aye, the noo!!!

All Things Scottish??

Sheep, Sheena, Sheep

Scotch: In a dispenser, or on the rocks.

Young Sean, Wax Sean (w/Audrey), Old Sean

Movie Rob Roy, Real Braveheart, Movie Braveheart

Nessie, Annie, Scotty, Jackie, Montie, Willy

Scottie Dogs, Bagpipes, Tam

NFA Action

Haggis

This is about NFL action, I just called it NFA because I recently heard someone mistakenly use the term "National Football Association" which evokes thoughts of players holding hands in the huddle while singing "Cherish" and interviews that go like this: "How would you describe the conditions out there today, Gary?" <<Singing>> "I think it was just a bit Win-dy!"  But I digress. By the way, these comments have nothing to do with Scotland.

 I figured the Scottish issue needed some distinctly American flavor; so let's talk football. Here's what I think of the current state of the league:

The Saints and the Eagles are in first place. Can the apocalypse be far off? You do have to hand it to both teams; they have been tough, especially in the wake of injuries to their star running backs and, in the case of NO, their starting QB as well. The keys to their success have been a solid defense, and a soft division. Yes, say what you will about the NFC East, but Arizona and Dallas are easy wins and the G-man and 'Skins are beatable.

Speaking of the G-men, Coach Gym Fossil says he is tired of defending their record against charges of a weak schedule. He's right, a win's a win, but the "other" Meadowlands team has stumbled versus quality opponents. At 8-4, Giant fans have to be thinking playoffs, but what will they do @Minnesota? Stay tuned.

The pundits are licking their wounds as their predicted NFC Championship rematch between TB and Les Rams is looking shaky. Apart from the Rams' injuries and often-abject inability to stop their opponent's offense, the other reason for this situation is TB has found themselves in 3rd place in the NFC Central, behind the surging Daunte-led Vikes and the under-appreciated Detroit Lions, and battling for a playoff berth with the aforementioned suspect Washington.

The AFC home-field advantage is currently held by Oakland? But even Coach Fossil would have a hard time defending their weak schedule. Even Denver is 8-4. We have 50+ people in FBH and I think we could at least split home/home series with Seattle and SD (especially if I wasn't allowed to QB and someone told Kim that Ricky Watters was dissing Business Access). They did win in NO, but that was the game Ricky Williams went out, so not indicative. Frankly, I don't expect to see them in the AFC Championship game. Then again, Rich Gannon has shown flashes and reputations have to be made sometime.

Tennessee has not hit their stride yet, boasts a 9-3 record, and still has rematches with Cleveland and Cincy left in their final 4 weeks. The other scary team in the AFC Central is Baltimore, who boasts a very strong defense and running game. They also have the spark and new QB Trent Dilfer appears to know where to find the end zone.

The AFC East is a huge dog pile again. We talked about easy schedules, but those loveable Jetties don't have one this year. They are in 2nd place and own the tiebreaker vs. the scum (who are one game ahead but they aren't for real), but have to finish vs. Indy, Oakland, Detroit and Baltimore, teams with a combined record of 34-15. But have you ever seen a team with more heart? I would never presume to say these Jets are facing an impossible task.

NFL Happenings

Extra Points

This is The Commish. Go!

[ Rutgers finished its season last week 3-8 without its head coach. The three wins came at the expense of Villanova, Buffalo, and Navy (and we hear it wasn't actually Navy but the Village People singing "In the Navy," which isn't exactly the same. Well, there's always next year.

[ We haven't talked much about the fantasy football league that Boobie runs, The XFL, which is entirely unusual since my team is currently in first place. Ringo the Dog is 11-2! My co-pilot Ken Davis and I are very proud, but somewhat dismayed that our only two losses have come at the hands of Ricky's team called Marcia! Marcia! Marcia! (Punctuation added).

[ Happy Anniversary to Jeff and Annie and to Mr. & Mrs. Commish, who celebrated on the 28th.

[ To learn more about Scotland try this site .

[ Loch Ness Monster Home Page .

[ Haggis "is typically served on Burns Night, January 25, when Scotland celebrates the birth of its greatest poet, Robert Burns, who was born in Ayrshire on that date in 1759. During the celebration, Burns poems are read, and the haggis is addressed by a member of the party, ceremonially, in the form of verses from Burns' poem, 'Address to a Haggis.' A typical meal for Burns Night would include Cock-a-Leekie, Haggis with Tatties-an'-Neeps, Roastit Beef, Tipsy Laird, and Dunlop Cheese."

Until next week, from the love-beaded FBH headquarters,
it’s little kisses, little kisses, and ciao ciao! -- Buntman, et. al. A