Vol. 4 Issue 17 -- Dec. 29, 2000
Week Seventeen

Football Happenings
(or "All Hail The New Champion!")

 IN THIS ISSUE:

[ The Week Seventeen Review - It's Over!
[ Thoughts on the New Millennium - The Commish bids adieu.
[ Good Enough For Me And Bobby V. - Ralph makes a new friend.
[ NFL Happenings - Pix to go with your picks.
[ Extra Points - The fastest two minutes in Football Happenings.

The Week Seventeen Review

  The men of the NFL separated themselves from the boys as they vied for playoff berths in the final week of regular season action. Sadly, The Jets proved to be in the latter category, losing their last three games and missing a place in the post-season. It hurt seeing the Jet defense play lights out all season but not getting any help from the offense and special teams. But I digress...

 The hotly contested race for the FBH championship called for a similar scenario; someone to take charge and fulfill their destiny. And someone did. Tommy "Smothers" Shiflett seized the 2000 FBH Championship with a 13-2 fantastic finish to win by a mere two games. Cap'n Dom posted a final week 8-7 to hold on to second place by two games (not bad for a FBH Cadet) over Mikey "No longer the reigning champ" Joyce. Marshall Pete Knapp capped his season with a 10-5 week and finished in fourth place by one game and the AssCommish ran fifth two behind Pete.

  The Dane will hang in a new place next season, in the kitchen of Todd "Love to love ya, baby" Meyer. Perhaps Todd was due for a poor showing this year since he has been on fire since winning the league in 1996. Kelly "Bringing down the Shiflett average" Howell failed to catch Toddy and finished one game above him in a 53rd place tie with Miss Kimba.

 Michelle Brown "Sugar" won the Joe Nieuwendyk free parking prize for 25th place. True, five of us ended in a tie for 25th place, but the rules are specific for these cases, and we know them. Trust us, Michelle won.

 Dutie annihilated the Cardigan competition in the final quarter, finishing 6 games ahead of the pack. Genevieve "What do you have in mind?" Tringali, Jr. coasted to Lemonheads (AKA Les Tetes de Citron) victory by three games. Audrey "Have you met my old friend?" Vanek taught the dada division a lesson, taking the quarter by two games, and Ron "Giant Boy" Hade won the JoeJackson (and home field advantage throughout the playoffs), holding off Chuck "Jimmy Wynn, the Toy" Cannon by one game.

 You know I adamantly defend your rights to take the home teams, but three of The WorldParty divisioneers have taken them all quarter and have ended up tied at the end of the quarter. They are Toddy, Andrew "Jagr" Meyer and Patty "Labelle" Snider. You three are required to keep picking each week in the playoffs until someone wins.

 Best records last week were turned in by two of our Tommies, Shiflett and Bunting with 13-2. Reports say that Tom Schwade was napping on the living room floor at the time.

 The Lemonheads finished with the best overall division record, boasting a .517 winning percentage. The dada division was second with .513 followed by the late-blooming, yet humanitarian WorldParty Division at .509, the JoeJacksons at .508 and finally the Cardigans at .506. Happily, all of FBH was at .510 (6642-6372-378), one of our best seasons ever. Thanks again to the AssCommish who handled those 13,000+ individual picks with his usual aplomb. Phew!

This is Ralph. Go!

 Let's take a closer look at some of the relationship battles, we find an interesting story in the Bob Shupp vs. Mellenhead match-up for the Wayne Chrebet Cup. These two are engaged to be married in November '01, and Bob lead Ellen thru the entire season, until Week 17 as Bob went 5-10 and Ellen went 10-5, giving her the one game edge at the finish line. Neither was any match for Ellen's father, Cap'n Dom who finished 2nd overall. But Ralph won the Shupp Bowl by surpassing brother Bob, brother-in-law Ron Hade, and cousin Jeff Sternberg. 

 Roy finished with Bunting Bowl honors, a 3 game advantage over cousin(?) Tom, and a 9 game lead over his father Alex and sister Dawn (Ruble). Wife Kim was nowhere in sight, though she almost brought The Dane back home.

 Nipplehead "honors" this year go to Uncle Rich Brown, who ran away with the award by losing to Uncle Ken Brown by 11 games. 

 Jeff won the Vanek Bowl with his Top-10 finish, while Dick and Audrey appropriately enough finished tied in 20th place. Steve V. closed an ugly season with a 2-13 Week 17, but was still able to finish higher than sister Kim.

  In the Couple's Corner, besides Mellenhead over Bob, and Roy over Kim, Tommy Shiflett finished over everyone including gal-pal Brandi Snider (and sister Kelly H.), John K. beat Doug in the Biohazard Brewery Bowl, Rob beat Genevieve in the Tringali, Jr. Bowl, James beat Kelly in the Howell Bowl, Matt beat Jill for the Marcus Cup, Will beat Beth for the Wong Award, Dave covered Tom in the Schwade Bowl, while Andrew beat his father Todd in the Meyer Father/Son Bowl.

 In the Excel Bowl, featuring current and former Excel Employees... Pete Knapp (current) takes the crown by 2 games over Ralph (former), 5 games over Jeff V. (former), 11 over Dick (current), 14 over James (former), 15 over Matt Marcus (former), and by 19 games over Mike Forst (former).

 The Business-Access Bowl was won by Roy who topped all others including Becky Tanner, James, Kenny D., Steve V., and Kimba. 

 Mike Hogg has no competition for the FBH Europe Award and won easily. 

 Jim Dodaro lead all 1984 Rutgers University Grads (Bob and Roy), while Mellenhead lead all Females to win the Ladies Bowl. 

Thoughts on the New Millennium

  True, next Monday will be very similar to next Sunday. The sun will rise and set as usual. The hands of the clock will make two full laps as always. But 01/01/01 will be the first day of the twenty-first century and the third millennium, and in that way it will be different from any time we have experienced.

 I realize it's a bit of an artificial deadline, but the symbolism of bridging to the future is too much to ignore. It's a time that urges us to leave the past behind and become part of something new and remember that the actions we take today will be felt at the end of this new thousand years.

 So we are responsible to mankind to perfect our individual acts; to live honorably. To let go of fearfulness and embrace the possibilities the future contains. To look for the similarities deep within each other and not the differences only apparent on the surface. Not to store up hate, resentfulness and negativity, but rather to become conduits of positive energy, spirit and love.

 I wouldn't presume to write a couple of paragraphs and give everyone the answers to life. Everyone has their own journey to make. All I'll say is anything is possible. We all have the power inside of us to fulfill our wishes and live the way we want to live.

 Just wait, the new millennium is going to be a blast. 

Good Enough For Me And Bobby V.
This is Ralph, Go!

  So I'm standing at the baggage carousel in Newark Airport after my flight to NJ for Xmas, chatting with my parents who came to pick me up and waiting for my suitcase to arrive. When what to my wondering eyes did appear,  a certain baseball manager I've been cheering for all year. Seeing him out of uniform and with no baseball cap or blowing bubble gum, I had to ask my parents to confirm that it was indeed Mets Manager Bobby Valentine, standing about 1/4 of the way around the carousel, waiting for his luggage. He must have been on my flight from Dallas but I didn't see him when I got on the plane. They, too, recognized him, and I spent the next few moments trying to figure out a way to meet him without being obvious about it. 

 You see, I've given up many years ago on getting autographs when meeting celebrities. I have found that while many would grant such an autograph, they probably don't like doing it. Plus you need to have a pen and something to write on to be efficient. So instead I settle for a handshake. Celebrities respect that. It's a simple gesture, but a genuine one. And it takes about 2 seconds of their time, much less than the annoyance of an autograph. Besides, a handshake is a more personal "memento" of the occasion than an autograph, I feel. 

 But I digress... back at the carousel, I'm standing a few feet to the left side of the baggage conveyor belt, but the carousel is moving to the right, meaning I'll see my bag as it comes out, but it will go all the way around before I can get it. Luckily, Bobby V. is standing 1/4 of the way around to the right. As I spy my suitcase appear and hit the carousel, I form a plan and put it into action. I told my folks that I'd be right back, then started around behind the crowd to the right, following my bag thru peoples legs, and timed it perfectly so that my bag and I arrived where Bobby V. was standing at the same moment. I stepped in, now shoulder to shoulder with my target, grabbed my suitcase with my left hand, turned to my right, and sticking my right hand into his midsection to shake, looked him in the eye and said, "It's a pleasure to meet you, Sir."

 It took him by surprise. He didn't have time to brace himself for a long-haired crazy looking fan to approach him. To him, I was just a guy grabbing my suitcase who didn't know who he was. He said something like, "Oh thank you," but I was so caught in the moment he could have told me to screw off and I wouldn't have heard him. With suitcase in left hand, I patted him on the back with my right as I told him, "You gave us all a lot of thrills this season, I just want to say Thank You."

 He smiled and said, "Thank you, Sir." And that was it. I walked away with a huge grin my face, and walked back over to where my parents were. The smiles on their faces showed me that they witnessed the whole thing. Another successful celebrity sighting. 

NFL Happenings

Lions knock someone else out of the playoffs, themselves.

Crazy finish in New England.

Falcons sure to be home for the holidays.

Extra Points

This is The Commish. Go!

[ Last week also wound up our sister league, The XFL. Ringo The Dog led by Kenny D. and The Commish was crowned champion after crushing Boobie's Natural Grass in the playoff final by a score of 118.11 to 63.77. The boys of Ringo wish to thank Marshall Faulk, Daunte Culpepper, Ahman Green and the rest of our players and congratulate the rest of the XFL managers for a great season.

[ It's interesting that there are two playoff teams from each NFL division. This symmetry is symbolic of the evenness of the competition that could provide the most exciting run to the Super Bowl in years. The pre-season favorites are in, but most (Indy, Rams, TB) just squeaked in, some needing help on the final week. Every team has its particular strengths and weaknesses - there is no clear "dominant" team. Be prepared for an unusual match-up in the championship.

[ Congratulations to The Giants who have earned the title of "Best team in New York." Do us proud.

[ Thanks go out to Tom Schwade for the concept and the pictures for Mikey's wedding story last week.

[ If you guessed that the team with the best record with the spread was The Pittsburgh Steelers (11-5-0), you were very right. If you guessed the Arizona Cardinals (4-12-0), you were very wrong.

[ If you don't already own all the World Party albums, there is reason to rejoice. They have been re-released with videos. Look for them in the import section from Seaview Records.

[ Thanks for being part of our cyberfamily for this, our fifteenth season (and fourth on-line); we were glad you joined us. The LBFBHHQ staff is already cooking up more ideas for next season, increasing capacity and staying on the leading-edge of technology. If they figured out a way to get me to write this stuff on time, they must be doing something right. We hope to see you all back next season, and bring your friends. All are welcome. Apart from those three from the WP division, everyone is hereby excused until next September.

[ Extra special thanks with Jimmies on top go to Ralphie, our esteemed AssCommish for all his awesome work bringing it all together. We love you AssMan!

Until next week, from the love-beaded FBH headquarters,
it’s little kisses, little kisses, and ciao ciao! -- Buntman, et. al. A