[ The Week Four Review
- Fantastic Finishes in the Divisional Races!
[ Good Triumphs Over Evil
- Jetlove Runs Rampant!
[ Heidi
2000 - It's the ghost of Jet games past.
[ NFL Happenings
- Ralph describes more pictures of men in tights.
[ Extra Points
- The fastest two minutes in Footballhappenings.
Week Four/End of Quarter One Review
The FBH2000 action continues to be fast and furious. Scoring was up last week, especially at the top of our standings. Like a cosmic dog peeing on a metaphoric fire hydrant,
Mikey "Almond" Joyce re-marked his territory by posting an impressive 12-2 record last week and taking over first place for the first time since last year's championship. Speaking of dogs, The Dane Holder finds himself in fast company as he is part of a three-way tie for second place just one game behind our reigning Champ. Joining
Bob at 35 wins were Cap'n Dom (is the honeymoon over?) and Coach Tommy
Lee.
Last place is currently a three-way tie between former FBH Champs
Todd "Steussie" Meyer and Dawn "Duter Shooter" Ruble and the newly-wired
Pete "That damned Rob Zombie stole my hair style!" Blasevick, who promises a stronger showing now that he is actually picking. Better luck to you in the second quarter kids! I only ask that somebody, anybody, please stay behind me in the standings.
Last week's super achievers (some may say @chievers) were: Bob, Tommy and
Yogi "I want a recount" Yeager (10 wins), Ralph "Trying to get off the schnide" Shupp (11 wins),
Mikey (12 wins) and with a near-perfect 13-1 record was Becky "Non-Mike Magnet"
Tanner. In fact, Becky told our LBFBHHQ staff that, one night last week, she dreamt a crocodile ate her. In the world of dream interpretation, this apparently meant she was due for some good fortune. Congrats to all of you, regardless of your dreams!
Four First Quarter Divisional Winners identified themselves last weekend. They were:
Mikey, who had a quarter-high 36 wins over Bob and The Cap'n by one game in the Lemonheads Division,
Coach Tommy pulled away from the crowd in dada-land, Aimee Mann got medieval on the rest of the Cardigan squadron, and
Andy barely held off a charging Becky with the help of late returns coming from the outlying regions (I know, I know, I'm going to remedy the answering machine issue) as
Jim "Al Gomez" Dodaro and Ken "Cochise" Davis just couldn't muster a week 4 rally in the quietly Beatlesque World Party Division. Well Done group!
We only have one tie this quarter, but it was a spectacular one. Looking to extend his slim one-game, week 3 JoeJackson Division lead,
Yogi went 10-4, but (alas for/happy for) him it was enough to earn a chance to defeat
Ralph, who had 11 wins, in OT. Understandably, Yogi called for an immediate recount. Naturally, when the AssCommish earns 11 wins in a week, the LBFBHHQ Staff at least checks to see if the ambient temperature in hell has dipped into negative Celsius range. All we can say is, good luck to both of you next week, and to everyone in the extra long second quarter!
Good Triumphs Over Evil
Miss Mellenhead asked me to use that headline this week to describe Wayne Chrebet and the Jets last-minute victory over Keyshawn "The Flashlight" Johnson and the Tampa Bay Bucs. When the Jets are 4-0, I reserve the right to feature them in my column every week. So here are some impressions of last week's game.
You know, it occurs to me that Keyshawn Johnson's comments about Wayne Chrebet started as an attempt to get attention and stake out some territory on the team when he joined the Jets. While insecurity has certainly dropped as a factor in his ranting vs. Wayne, Keyshawn's need for attention has not -- it has probably increased -- especially in a
po-dunk media market like Tampa on a defensive-minded football team. The reason he can't let it go is it keeps him in the news. He subscribes to the "no publicity is negative publicity" idea. At this point, the ongoing commentary is less about Chrebet (unless the trash talking is a potential distraction to him) and more about keeping Keyshawn "newsworthy." Ho hum. Sadly, Keyshawn does not play in a world where all that really matters in the end is your team's won-lost record.
By the way, Curtis Martin has been the best player on the Jets since Keyshawn times... Did anyone else notice that Audrey dressed Tampa Bay kicker Martin Grammatica?... I like the Pirate Ship at Ralph James Stadium... I hope they put in a rocket ship in Bob Angelo Stadium... I can tell the Jets are for real, because my superstitious behavior is increasing... Funny thing about being a Jet fan is you never know what's going to happen in the fourth quarter. Still don't.
The best story I heard about last week's game was about its pivotal play.
TAMPA, Fla. (Sept. 24, 2000) - Dan Henning was having his usual night-before-the-game conversation with his boss, Al Groh, Saturday night when he brought up the possibility of calling a halfback-option pass during Sunday's game between the New York Jets and Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
"If the situation comes up for us to use it, what do you think?" asked Henning, the Jets' offensive coordinator.
"Go with it," replied Groh, the Jets' first-year head coach, without hesitation.
Little did either man know that the play, known in the Jets' playbook as "438-ZQ Counter Team," would actually produce the winning points in the Jets' 21-17 victory over the Buccaneers. But it did, as running back Curtis Martin took a handoff from quarterback Vinny Testaverde, stopped and threw an 18-yard touchdown pass to wide receiver Wayne Chrebet.
That story illustrates that the Jets do have a real coach. Al Groh has been more than a surprise. Whenever a new coach is appointed, Jet fans, visions of Charlie Winner and Lou Holtz in their heads, take a collective breath. We should have known Bill Parcells would have us covered. Shame on us!
Heidi
2000
This
is Ralph, Go!
In 1968, when NBC pulled the plug on a Jets/Raiders game in
which the TV audience missed two Oakland touchdowns that won the game for
them, I was only 2 years old. Heidi missed me. It took her over 30 years,
but her ghost found me this past Sunday.
Local CBS was kind enough to air the Jets/Buccs (Keyshawn/Wayne Show) and I
was able to watch from my own couch. Things looked bad late in the 4th for
my Jets but they scored a TD late to make it 17-14. They kicked off, and the
Buccs had the ball with under 2 minutes left, planning to run out the clock.
A Jet defender lay injured, and CBS cut to commercial. Then...
STATIC!!!!!.... my cable goes out!! ..."No!! Ok, it looks like
they might lose, but at least let me see it!!"... Heidi had
arrived. But this is the year 2000! And we are blessed with the Internet.
Without panic, I quickly found the Jets Radio call that is broadcast live
on-line each week. With the TV full of 'SNOW', here's the first words I hear
of the radio feed... "...they hand to Alstott, and he fumbles!! The
Jets recover!!" My jaw drops with shock. I scream at the TV some more,
check the bedroom TV to make sure that one was out too, and return my
attention to the Jet radio announcers... "Hand-off to Curtis, he's
gonna throw a pass... he's got Chrebet in the endzone... TouchDown!!" I
leap out of my chair and dash around the apartment in complete shock, static
blasting out of the TV, and snow on the screen. I find the phone and after
several attempts I manage to dial Roy's number to make sure what I had just
heard had really happened. While he confirmed that it had, my TV screen
cleared as the cable came back on, in time to see the final seconds tick off
the clock. Heidi had only spent about 10 minutes in my TV, but even she
could not deflate my joy over being 4-0, and beating the new Mouth of the
South.
This is The Commish. Go!
[ It may not be as big a media event as when Mikey "Almond" Joyce portrayed a lecherous schoolteacher in
"Placas," but check out the article on Dick Vanek and his company Excel Computer/Meridian Data in this month's Business Solutions Magazine.
http://www.businesssolutionsmag.com/Articles/2000_10/index.htm
[ Notes to Terrell Owens in the wake of last Sunday's "celebration" on the midfield star at Texas Stadium. (1) The only reason your team is not 0-4 is you played the sorry Cowboys last week. Now is not the time for being ostentatious. (2) That is about the most classless move I have ever seen, and I'm from New Jersey. Hey refs! Where was the flag for unsportsmanlike conduct? You can't take off your helmet celebrating a TD, but you can do that? A few well-placed yellow handkerchiefs would have nipped that whole thing in the bud.
[
Here's what John Kardel has to say about the Owens play:
"...and what's with this run to the star and pray to god thing? I think guys should be allowed to
celebrate anyway they want, however I also think an opposing player should be allowed to knock your head off if you do. You score a
TD, you want to dance, fine. You'll just run the risk of dancing with a pissed- off defender named Moose who will want to lead and put your head through the ground..."
[ Thumbs up to Emmitt Smith and George Teague for standing up to
crapweaselosity, and to SF Coach Mariucci for sitting Owens for next week's game as punishment.
[ Danza.
[ Dallas seems to have a sudden soft spot for current and former Eagles running backs, having surrendered 200+ yard rushing games to Duce Staley in week 1 and Charlie Garner in week 4. The good news is, The Cowboys don't have Ricky Watters and Seattle on their 2000 schedule. The bad news is, Arizona just signed Wilbert Montgomery for the week eight rematch.
[ Why do teams punt when it's 4th and 5 on the opponent's 35-40 yard line? Invariably the ensuing punt goes into the end zone and the net effect is 25 yards. You don't get that many opportunities to score. I say, either go for the field goal or the first down. Even a deep pass getting picked off on the five yard line is a better result than bringing it out to the twenty.
[ In case you missed it, Rams WR Torry Holt had 3 catches for 189 yards last week. That's a 63.0 yard average!
[ Chris Berman doing NFL PrimeTime is the personification of living your Dharma (one's purpose in life).
[ We understand from the comments page that
Paul "Unconfirmed Bachelor" Kessler has been married in Djakarta. No word on if his new bride's name is, in fact, Sara Lee. We are expecting commentary and pictures from Mr. Yogi in the near future and we will forward them to you as they become available.
[ This week's LBFBHHQ Happy Birthday wishes go out to
Matt Bashaw (Oct 2), Angelo Forgione (Oct 3), Ron Hade (Oct 4). If we left someone out, it's probably because they have not filled in their census form!
[ Sorry I didn't write more this week, I was too busy buying a 12
piece placesetting set of Dan "That Prick" Marino commemorative plates from www.collictiblestoday.com. I'll make sure only to "fake spike" them.
[ This week's music thoughts are half from The Commish:
1. Fountains of Wayne "Utopia Parkway"
2. Eels "Daisies of the Galaxy"
3. Miles Davis "Kind of Blue"
4. Talking Heads "True Stories" "Speaking in Tongues"
5. Innocence Mission "Glow"
and half from The AssCommish, via e-mail:
Since you've mentioned a couple fav's of mine in your weekly Music List on FBH, like Hooverphonic and Beth
Orton, I thought I'd share with you a couple bands in a similar vein that you should check out...
OLIVE - 'Extra Virgin' is a couple years old, 'Trickle' is more recent, both excellent albums. Chick singer, electronic grooves. One of my "desert island" bands.
ESTHERO - 'Breath From Another' is quite good. She is a chick singer, electronic grooves. Couple years old.
EVERYTHING BUT THE GIRL - Sure, you know the name. I was never into their older stuff. But last year, when 'Temperamental' came out, I downloaded it and gave it a try. Quite good! More electronic and less ethereal than their typical work. Tracy Thorne has one of the best voices going.
(Esthero and EBTG sit side by side in my alphabetical CD rack.)
That is all...
NFL Happenings
