Vol. 4 Issue 7 -- Oct. 12, 2000
Week Six

Football Happenings
(or "We Always Get There Eventually")

IN THIS ISSUE:

[ The Week Six Review - Neutrality Rules. 
[ Put The Horse Back In The Stable! - A coming-of-age story by Bob.
[ So It's Root, Root, Root for the Home (and Away) Team - Huh?
[ NFL Happenings - A quick look around last week's NFL games.
[ Extra Points - The fastest two minutes in Football Happenings. 

The Week Six Review
This is Ralph. Go!

  In a season which welcomes our first European citizen to FBH, it is somewhat appropriate that our current leader is overseas, currently spreading the word of Don Shula to the Swiss. Dave "never more a Dane than now" Schwade has somehow found his way to the top of the leader board, even while being forced to remain neutral while on Switzerland soil. Another 0-0-14 week could put Dave out of reach.

 Possibly even more appropriate, while the world looked to the land down under for this summer's most important athletic competition, the standings in our own run for the Gold appear to have been taken straight from the S.S. Poseidon. What is usually a "Who's Who In Last Place" list is now making the rounds with the first class passengers. Ralph "Lauren" Shupp, Pete "11-2-1" Knapp, and Tommy "Can you hear me?" Shiflett must have found a hole in a fence somewhere and snuck into the party where Cap'n Dom "DiMaggio" and Mikey "Who are these strangers?" Joyce are typically among the honored guests. A bad Monday afternoon decision is all that keeps Bob "Switch to Tampa" Shupp from joining the mosh pit that is 2nd place.

  Those of us on American soil who were forced to take sides in last week's NFL contests who did particularly well were Pete with his amazing 11-2-1 record, while Kenny D. and John "Magic 8-Ball" Kardel both clocked in with 10-3-1 efforts. 

 The divisions are all up for grabs with a couple weeks left. If I'm not mistaken, Quarter #2 has five weeks in it. I will get confirmation on this by next week. The aforementioned Mr. Kardel's 3 game lead in the JoeJackson division is the widest in the league and the only one worth mentioning here. Good luck to all!!

Put the Horse Back in the Stable!
This is Roy. Go!

 Those who know me well, know that my friendship with Bob Shupp goes back farther than any other in my life (as Petie Giannobile and I haven't spoken much over the past 20 years). (Incidentally, Happy Birthday on the 13th Petie, wherever you are and maybe I'll see you at the 20-year class reunion.) This week, I am especially pleased that Bob has shared one of his well-crafted compositions with us. It's a coming-of-age piece of a boy from New Jersey coming to grips with what it means to be a winner. Enjoy. [Editor's note, he wrote this over a week ago]

This is Bob. Go!
 The Jets are undefeated so far. I am tied for first place in our Yahoo fantasy football league, and I just won both of the Fantasy Baseball leagues I compete in. "Mets" now equals "playoffs". Wayne embarrasses Keyshawn before a national TV audience. And to top it all off, I am in first place in the FBH standings! What is happening here? As I am always reminded by Ellen not to celebrate prematurely or I'll risk disaster, I will stop here. Here's why:

 For those of you not familiar with what has now become the famous "Horse in the stable" comment, I'll fill you in. Two years ago, Ralph "Asscommishie" Shupp and I were able to assist my photographer pals Rob "Where'd that kneecap go?" Tringali and Brian "What the hell is FBH?" Yablonsky on the sidelines for the Jets' 1998 AFC Championship game versus the Broncos in Denver. What an opportunity for us green-bloods! As you all recall, it was an intense hard-hitting game. Vinny completed his first 10 passes, yet the Jets went to halftime with a precipitous 3-0 lead.

 In the second half, Blake Spence blocked a punt at the Bronco two-yard line and moments later; Curtis Martin plunged over to make it a 10-0 third quarter lead. All of this happened directly in front of Rob and me. We were in the back of the end zone at the time. I was a mere ten yards away from heaven. The thud of the blocked punt resonated in my gut the way a giant sub-woofer from a crankin' car stereo feels when you're in the back seat (think Alpine, Van Halen, circa 1983), and man it felt great! 10-0! Second half! Elway looking ready to retire at any minute!

 How would I celebrate the Jets' second greatest win of all time? I had my prized Namath jersey on underneath another layer of clothes so I could become a Joe Willie Superman and run rampant with triumph on enemy turf at the sound of the final gun. I even had the press credentials around my neck to legally be there! No threat of arrest by stadium security. 

 Not only that, I had Super Bowl tickets awaiting me back home if the Jets won! I even had my kid brother Ralph there, who can blame me for dragging him into life as a suffering Jets fan all these years. Redemption! He gets to share in the ultimate joy now too.

 Not so fast... After the extra point made it 10-0, I turned towards Rob and exclaimed, "Put the horse back in the stable; there'll be no galloping today!" 

 The Broncos have this white horse that is ridden across the field by a Bronco cowgirl after any Bronco score. The horse and its rider had been still the entire game. They even had a blanket on his back due to the fact that he hadn't moved yet and it was chilly. There they were standing idly by next to us at the back of the end zone while Curtis Martin and Bob Shupp were celebrating. 

 Not long after my pronouncement, the Jets stopped catching the passes, and the kickoffs for that matter. Elway decided he could still throw long with success. Fumble! Another fumble! Disaster! That damned horse galloped and galloped the rest of the game! By the end of the fourth quarter, it was frothing from the mouth. I did it. It was my fault. Dream over. "Put the horse back in the stable... It's tired as hell!"

 After the game while guarding the camera equipment for several photographers who had to go chase Elway around on his victory lap, a thousand or so Bronco fans, while on their way out of Mile High Stadium, verbally abused me. That was the cherry on top of the Crow Sundae.

 So as I enjoy my recent run of good sports fortune I will remain quiet. I will not taunt or exclaim anything. I'll get excited only after the battle is won. Not convinced? Who was with us during the playoffs in 1988 when, after the Mets ahead in the series with Dwight Gooden pitching "lights out" ball got ahead of the underdog Dodgers at Shea Stadium, we decided to call random LA phone numbers to start yelling, "Mets! Mets! Mets!" at whomever answered? Remember what happened next? Mickey Hatcher, Mickey Hatcher...I won't even bring up the Marino fake spike play. Yes, I was there too. Don't even get Roy started on that one. I will remain humble!  --- Bob

So It's Root, Root, Root for the Home (and Away) Team
This is Roy. Go!

 When I moved to Texas in 1986, getting to see my favorite New York teams playing on a regular basis was nearly impossible. It's funny that now that technology has put all the most current sports information is at my disposal, I don't care. In fact, I'm writing this while The Mets face The Cardinals in game 1 of the NLCS.

 It's not news that I have held the favorite team of my childhood in contempt for the last couple of seasons. My dislike for the current manager of The Mets is well documented. I watched him torture The Texas Rangers' fans and players for almost ten years, so I've had enough of that act. But when NY brought in players from former archrivals, and hired a megalomaniac to run them, it gave me pause to consider what loyalty was about. And you are talking about someone who stayed with them post-Seaver. It's not about the players and obviously, it's not about the uniforms either.

 So I found myself scanning this season's MLB playoff roster for a group to root for. Atlanta - When I liked The Mets in the early to mid 90's, they were top rivals so I can't root for them. St. Louis - Ditto, just substitute mid 80's. San Francisco - Well, Dallas has a good rivalry city-wise there and the Giants left NY in the 50's, so forget them. Yankees - Yeah, right! Seattle - No good. Main rivals of Texas Rangers to this day. Oakland - Beat Mets in '73 World Series. By the time I figured out that I no rooting conflict with The Chicago White Sox, they'd already been eliminated.

 I guess it was then I realized that if you stick around long enough and have a good enough memory; you can have a reason to hate everyone.

 So here I was sitting there watching the pre-game show for tonight's game, wondering whom to root for. Ok, the second I saw Whitey Herzog I knew rooting for St. Louis was right out. So, detachment remains the watchword at the moment and that is making all the difference.

 Without worrying about the outcome, I find myself rooting for players to achieve, to outplay the other guys. "Winning Ugly" doesn't appeal to me as much anymore, even if it's my team doing the winning. I'm rooting for the nobility of the sport at a time when there seems to be a serious lack of it. Seeing players who realize that enjoying the victory because of what it meant to you is much more rewarding than lauding it over your fallen adversary. Witnessing athletes almost surprising themselves by achieving beyond their expectations is art.

 Seeing one team rise above a worthy opponent through skill is much better than watching someone else's mistake turn your team from losers to winners. Would the legacy of the 1986 World Series have been nobler if, instead of dodging a wild pitch before hitting that twisting, bewitched grounder to first, Mookie Wilson had lined a three-run homer into the right field bullpen on the 0-2 pitch? Absolutely.

 I suppose, in a strange way, I almost find myself rooting for both sides. Focusing on the positive emotions I'm feeling from the enjoyment of the game leads to a richer experience for me.

NFL Happenings

Deja Vu all over again. Jets lose to Pitt for 20somethingth time.

Eddie George takes it, and gives it.

Keyshawn fumbles. Miami recovers to beat Bills.

Not sure what the deal is with either of these.

Extra Points

This is The Commish. Go!

[ The pictures from Paul "French Horn Hat" Kessler's wedding are in, and geez, would I like to hear about the ceremony. The wedding clothes are exotic and beautiful, and the day must have been unforgettable. Of course, the LBFBHHQ staff wishes Paul and his new bride Uchi a wonderful, prosperous and happy future together.

[ Hello to Mrs. Mellenhead (Ellen's Mom and Cap'n Dom's first mate), frequent visitor to our website. We started thinking about the name, and won't Ellen be Mrs. Mellenhead after she and Bob get married? Or would Bob be Mrs. Mellenhead? In a way, aren't we all Mrs. Mellenhead? Maybe we should say hello to all the Mrs. Mellenheads out there and just leave it at that.

[ I probably won't see you beforehand, so don't forget that the Miss America pageant is on Saturday, October 14.

[ Surely you heard that a British Columbia judge found that former Boston Bruin (and Dodaro favorite) Marty McSorley's actions against Vancouver Canuck Donald Brashear (i.e. he clubbed him over the head with his stick during a game) equaled assault in the eyes of justice. Some say McSorley's 18-months of probation was a slap on the wrist since no jail time was involved. Some say what goes on during a hockey game is outside the jurisdiction of the courts. I say the judge saw McSorley in court looking like Scott Thompson from "New Kids In The Hall" and figured prison would be a bad idea.

[ We apologize for last week's FBH being a bit late. Just like in the pool itself, we can't always predict what's going to happen on any given week.

[ Thanks to everyone out there who has been actively sending in guest columns; they have been great! We hope to hear from everyone out there as the season progresses. 

[ The LBFBHHQ welcomes its most recent pilgrim Will "I usually don't play this well" Wong. We hope that a drink from our waters compels you to further success this season.

[ Give yourself 10 points if you, like our resident expert on such things, Ralph, you realized the Sea Scum were wearing white pants instead of aqua for the first time in 5 years last week.

[ This week's albums to know and love:

1. Stereolab - "Emporer Tomato Ketchup" "Cobra and Phases Group"
2. Joan Osborne - "Relish" "Righteous Love"
3. Lyle Lovett - "Pontiac" "Joshua Judges Ruth"
4. Paul Weller - "Paul Weller" "Wild Wood"
5. 10,000 Maniacs - "In My Tribe" "Our Time in Eden"
6. Cocteau Twins - "Heaven or Las Vegas"
7. The B-52's - "The B-52's" "Cosmic Thing"
8. Elvis Costello - "This Year's Model" "Armed Forces"
9. Jamiroquai - "Travelling Without Moving"
10. Echo and The Bunnymen - "Echo and The Bunnymen"

Until next week, from the love-beaded FBH headquarters,
it’s little kisses, little kisses and ciao ciao! -- Buntman, et. al. A

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