In what is proving to be one of the tightest contested seasons in FBH history, Week 5 is approaching fast and there's no clear cut leader, or leaders. Making up one half of our current 4-way tie for first, is the husband and wife team of Will and Beth Wong. Proving it's still anybody's race, Will scored a nice 11-3-1 Week 4 to jump from 20th place to 1st place, joining better-half Beth at the top of the charts. Also making an unscheduled appearance in the top spot is Tom "Maybe it was this move" Schwade and Kyle "Blondie" Paterson, both of whom brought home 9-5-1 Week 4 performances.

 Boobie prize of Week 4 goes to Ron "Juggernaut?" Hade who was the only person to bring in a 4-10-1 offering.

 With 11 people within one game of the overall lead, and 15 people within 2 games, we're seeing a new era of parity (or is it parody?). Whatever it is, the Home Team defaulters look like strong contenders as well this year, with Homers going 33-22-3 so far.

 Finding their niche as this seasons cellar-dwellers, are Johnny Boy Kardel, Mellenhead, and yours truly, Ralph. Just remember kids, "it's cooler in the basement".

Divisions!

 Amazing but true, this season's divisions have been put together, and we have only 2 of the 5 divisions with outright winners of the QTR1 prize money. Moving over to the Cardigans is just what the doctor ordered for the aforementioned Tom "Walk this way" Schwade (pictured above) who is now considered paid-up thru the 1999 season. Joining Tom in his new home are brother Dave and new daddy(!) Mikey Joyce.

 The only other division to crown a QTR1 winner is WorldParty, proving itself to be a true World Party in appointing FBH's only non-American citizen Mike "if it's not Scottish it's Crap!" Hogg as their early leader. Congratulations Mike, now you don't have to figure out how to send us U.S. Dollars to cover your fee. Smart man.

 Tie-breakers are the name of the game for Week 5 for the rest of the divisions. Lemonheads finds Team Wong battling with Blondie Paterson for the right to not surrender a fee this year. JoeJackson is up in the air between Chuck "Toy" Cannon (who blew the cash with a 6-8-1 Week 4) and Paul Kessler, while dada is a girlfight at the top between Brandi "Alexander" Snider and Miss Kimba.

 Good luck to all the tie-breaking folks in Week 5. Winners to be announced here sometime in the future.

State of the NFL

 So many unanswered questions after 4 weeks of NFL football. Is San Diego that good? Is Washington that bad? What's up with Minnesota? And Tennessee? Can St. Louis go undefeated now that they have a defense? Will the Jets ever stop the run? How good is Baltimore? But most importantly, which team has the Worst roster of QB's?

 That last one is the easiest to answer. I can't recall a time when an NFL team had arguably the worst 4 Quarterbacks in the league on their roster at the same time. Sure, plenty of teams have one or two bad QB's at once, but the Dallas Cowboys have cornered the market on bad QB's. Where to begin? Quincy Carter, Jerry Jones' draft rookie sensation is probably not good enough to start for this year's Georgia University Bulldogs, let alone an NFL team. Too bad for him he's got hamstring problems and might be bench warming for a few weeks. Behind him, is sophomore Anthony Wright. I can't say anything bad about Anthony, but what's it say about a guy who can't beat Quincy Carter out of a starting job on a team with 4 bad QB's? Third on Dallas' depth chart is Clint Stoerner. Who the hell is that? Didn't he once beat the Redskins on Thanksgiving in the 70's? No wait, that was Clint Longley, never mind.
 And just when you didn't think the Cowboys could fit any more clowns into it's QB Clown-mobile, along comes the Todd Marinovich of the 90's and beyond. I speak of course of Ryan Leaf. "Head-case" does not nearly describe the mess that is this guy. Somehow projected along side Peyton Manning when the two came out of college a few years back as the next big thing. While Peyton is making a Hall Of Fame career for himself in Indy, Leaf toiled aimlessly in San Diego, fought with reporters, played like shit, threw interceptions, and basically just made a huge ass of himself. Now with injury troubles to go with his personality troubles, he found himself auditioning for a job in Dallas a few weeks ago. This after the Boys unceremoniously released Tony Banks. Banks accepted the league minimum to play for Dallas in 2001, after being told he would be the starter for the year (presumably while Carter and Wright learned how to throw an NFL-style ball), knowing that this would be his audition for the rest of the league and could land him a job somewhere else in 2002. But then, Coach Jerry Jones pulled the plug on that experiment, and sent a pissed-off Banks packing, on his way to become the starter for the league's Other worse team, the Redskins. But then Leaf failed his physical (bad throwing wrist) with the Cowboys and was sent back home. A month later, he seems to have made a miraculous recovery and was signed by King Jerry this week.
 My heart goes out to my now-suffering neighbors in Big D, who would gladly have a Concussed Troy Aikman calling signals back there than any of the Four Stiffs they have to choose from now. Welcome to NFL obscurity, folks. This is where the rest of us were during the Cowboy glory years. What goes around, comes around.

  How long will the old '72 Dolphins have to wait this year to break open the champagne when the last undefeated team goes down? Maybe not much longer. The Rams are for real, but still the only team not to lose a game yet so far at 4-0. Defense was what was seriously lacking from last year's version of the Rams, but this year finds them much improved in that area. As long as Kurt Warner stays healthy, with the various choices he has at receiver, as well as Faulk in the backfield, look for another Super Bowl appearance from the boys from Saint Louie.

 Is Doug Flutie the answer to Chargers prayers? Could be. While I've never been a huge Flutie supporter, the guy has proven talent and has the ability to win games. Plain and simple. He might never bring home an NFL crown, but he's going to make the fans in southern California pretty happy for the next couple years. TCU product LaDainian Tomlinson could be the real deal at RB too. Watch for more big things from him.

 I take great pleasure in seeing rich, know-it-all owners fall flat on their faces when their team sucks eggs. Jerry Jones used to sit alone on the top of that perch, but he's happily joined by Dan Snider in Washington. Man, the Redskins stink! What happened to them? Last season was supposed to be Their year, with a bunch of free agents and "superstars", but they are totally "wheels-off" this season. Jeff George at QB? Am I the only one who believes this guy will never, EVER, win anything? He's got to be among the leagues most over-rated players. What does it say about a team who now has at starting QB the same guy (Tony Banks) who couldn't make the league's worst QB roster? I'd like to see the return of Joe Theisman to the Skins huddle. If for no other reason than to get his ass out of the broadcast booth. (Maybe Paul McGuire can come back as his Center.)

 And what of my Jets? Just as there are glitters of hope, there are also glitters of despair. At 2-2, the season is young and hope abounds in old favorites like Curtis Martin (off to another fine season) and a young receiving corps headed by our pal Wayne. But Vinny is still trying to get a grip on the West Coast Offense, and the Defense has not decided to stop the run yet. If not for several key turnovers, the Jets are 0-4. They scored only 10 points against New England, but won because they forced turnovers deep in their own zone, after allowing the Pats to march downfield. Same thing happened in Buffalo last week, where they surrendered 36 points to an 0-4 Bills team that literally handed the Jets 4 of their 6 TD's. And now here come the East leading Dolphins into the Meadowlands for Week 5. True, the Jets have won the last 6 meetings between these two, including one of the two best NFL games I've ever witnessed, last year on Monday Night. (The other being the Jets 51-45 OT win over Marino-lead Phish in 1986.) The Jets rank last in the NFL against the run, yielding 164 yards per game, and Lamar Smith had 144 yards and a touchdown in Miami's win over New England last week. J-E-T-S ??

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