Football Happenings
(or “Comments from The Commish are harder to find than bin Laden”)

In This Issue:

[ Opening Comments – Yes, I’m still here, and I care.
[ Current Standings – Can you believe there are only three weeks to go?
[ Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee – Another edge-of-your-seat thriller.
[ Extra Points – The fastest two minutes in Football Happenings.

Opening Comments
This is Roy, Go!

 My loving FBH Family,
You may be wondering what has happened to that nauseating, if not somehow comforting, babble from The Commish in recent weeks/months. Obviously, the events of the day that have historically served as a backdrop for what we do here, have asserted themselves and are upstaging this season’s football action. However, these events cannot overshadow the essence of Football Happenings; the camaraderie and the sense of togetherness our combined spirit creates.

It seems, in an almost anti-technological turn of events, that my mission this season has been less about e-pontification from the LBFBHHQ and more about meeting and greeting the FBH faithful (AKA “face time”). I dare say I have spent time with more FBHers during this year than any other, and this has tangibly represented the aspect of togetherness that is at the heart of the matter. I predicted that this season would have many interesting qualities, and am somewhat overwhelmed at just how much has happened in these last three months. Being with you physically has amounted to much more for me than what I could have verbalized on these pages. I hope that message got through to all of you, as well.

 It was recently suggested to me that some FBHers pay their entry dues simply to get my commentary, to which I rejoindered, “And you have been getting ripped off on a consistent basis for years now.” Well, if I can suspend the issues with more gravity for just a minute, let’s turn back our attention to our little community and I’ll try to give you your money’s worth.

Current Standings

 In the past, it seems like we’ve often had one frontrunner and the Championship race has been rendered anti-climactic. Not this year. With a mere three weeks to go, we have a real race on our hands. Pete “Afternoon” Knapp looked like a preventative favorite a month ago, but five people are within four games and eight more are less than ten behind.

 Can it be that the current helmsman in the basement is last year’s runner-up Cap’n Dom? Naturally, this begs the question, “which was the fluke?”

 One note, I have decided to wait until the end of the season to send all winnings checks out. This might nicely coincide with some of the “more tardy” entrance fees. Plus which, “The game’s the thing!”

Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee

“The Jets are definitely going to make the playoffs,” shouted everyone’s pal Boobie as time expired in the Jets’ second victory of the year over Miami, giving our boys sole possession of first place in the AFC East with six games to play. I clearly remember scratching the back of my head in wonder as his excited words came through the receiver. Admittedly, however, I could sense the excitement starting to creep in when we held the lead at halftime versus the Pats in the following game.

 One win, two losses and one bye week later, The 8-5 Jets still control their destiny for a wild card slot, but have @Indy, Buffalo and @Oakland on the schedule in the final three games. And now being in third place in their division, there’s not much margin for error. One can argue that they should be able to hold serve vs. Buffalo, but can they at least split the other two games? Sure, The Colts are 5-8, but they schmeared the Jets earlier in the year at the Meadowlands. Ironically, the Jets may have more chance vs. the Raiders. Oakland is strong enough to win the AFC West, but will they be resting key players in week 17 to prepare for the playoffs? In any event, it is standard operating procedure for our heroes in green to keep the suspense factor high until the very end.

 The key long-term question is, “what happened?” It’s simple, Aaron Glenn, the Jets’ best cornerback, went down with a knee injury midway through the Pats game. The defense, which was leading the league in takeaway plus/minus at the time, was forced to abandon its aggressive coverage schemes and utilize a softer zone formation. NE had much more success with its passing attack after that and was able to come back in the second half. While Vinny & Co. have been good about protecting the ball, Mo Lewis & Co. have not been able to create turnovers at the same rate. I think you’ll see a marked improvement once a healthy Glenn is reinstalled into the lineup.

Extra Points

 I do have a couple of rather large news items to address and will use executive privilege and defer comment to a later time on those and, instead, empty my “out basket” first.

I would be remiss without starting with my thanks, and I think I speak for the whole group, to Ralphie, our esteemed AssCommish, who has kept the home fires burning, the mirror fogged, etc. While the text hasn’t changed a whole lot (mainly my bad) the standings have always been fresh and the site enhancements are slicker all the time. Well done, Ricky!

On the heels of another abysmal season of Rutgers Football (AKA the birthplace of college football), something to celebrate. There are now two, count ‘em, two Rutgers QBs in the pro ranks. Joining the former Jet Ray Lucas (it’s still a bit too painful to point out that he has moved to a “certain AFC rival”) is Mike McMahon, the rookie who has impressed since getting in some quality playing time in front of a national TV audience in that Thanksgiving Day comeback attempt versus Green Bay. Last week, Mike used his arm and legs (and presumably other body parts) to lead the Lions to victory in his second “big boy” start, spurring comments that he might take over the Detroit QB spot permanently. RU’s record under McMahon’s field generalship was 8-24. Then again, I don’t know if Brett Favre could have broken into double digits with the rest of that squad. Here’s hoping that McMahon and Lucas have continued success and that helps in recruiting efforts. In fact, if Miami wins the National Championship for the Big East Conference that could help us, too.

Speaking of the Lions, I challenge anyone to think of another team ever that has simultaneously featured QBs from Eastern Michigan (Charlie Batch) and Rutgers (McMahon). As you know, Eastern Michigan is near and dear to my fine in-laws, Dick and Audrey. Let’s hope that the Lions being 1-12 is an unrelated statistic.

All I can say about The Cowboys is they split their series with the Giants. Can you believe I predicted this? Of course, I have no witnesses to this Festivus miracle. I did enjoy Jimmy Johnson’s comment about Jerry “Billie Jean is not my lover” Jones. If Jimmy is smart, that will be his last negative comment about Jerry, because there’s really no sport left in it.

Miss Kimba has announced that she will not attend games at The Ballpark in Arlington in the wake of the Rangers signing pitcher John Rocker. I cannot say I blame her. I also hope Rocker can wise up and see the error of his myopic, fear-based thought processes. However you slice it, it’s a puzzler to be sure. Perhaps Rangers management is thinking that they can earn some extra cash from the inevitable “Rocker vs. Carl Everett locker room Texas steel cage match.”

Great big FBH thoughts and good feelings go out to Margie “Mrs. Sheehy” Forgione as she convalesces from surgery. I understand things are going well and that she’ll be back chasing Ang around with a shellaly in no time.

There goes the neighborhood, what‘s this I hear that Tommy Lee and Pamela are moving to town? Oh, it’s Tommy Lee and Brandi. I thought “Barb Wire” was with that loser David Lee Roth knock-off guy (not to be confused with “That dorky prince of real estate *sshole”)…

Much overlooked Earl Anthony FFB League update -- The final four- non-BCS-format playoffs to determine the League Champion begin this coming week. Will “QB Force One” Wong’s Mark Roth Rules! garnered the first seed with a 12-2 record. His only losses were to Bob (AKA “brown-nosing” the Commish) and otherwise league beetle-bomb DJ Skribble, piloted by Rob “If you’re only going to get one good shot, make sure it’s the big shot” Tringali. Ralphie’s Echo Lanes finished second and will face Defending Champ Ringo the Dog (Commish/Kenny D) in the semi-final. Ambivalence (El Phoney) held the tiebreaker advantage over The Trenton Warlords (El Blondie) thus grabbing fourth place and a date with Messrs. Will and Roth. Good luck to all, and remember, the road to the championship still goes through Ringo’s backyard!

Until next time, from the love-beaded FBH headquarters,
it’s little kisses and Merry Christmas! -- Roy & Ralph A