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Vol.
8 No. 10 - Nov. 7, 2003
Football Happenings
(
or... only 13 weeks 'til the Pro Bowl! ) |
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Current Standings at a glance
as of 11-04-2003
|
Name |
W |
L |
T |
Pct |
GB |
1 |
John
Kardel |
75 |
50 |
5 |
.600 |
- |
| 1 |
Mrs.
Cap'n Dom |
75 |
50 |
5 |
.600 |
- |
3 |
Michelle
Brown |
70 |
55 |
5 |
.560 |
5 |
4 |
Dave
Schwade |
69 |
56 |
5 |
.552 |
6 |
4 |
Andy
Halstead |
69 |
56 |
5 |
.552 |
6 |
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In
This Issue:
Current Standings
King
and Queen of the Hill
You know, writing (and I assume, reading) this section of FBH
is much more interesting when there's more drama and lead changes
in the Standings. But this year, three people have decided to
ruin all our fun. For it seems that Johnny K,
Mrs. Cap'n Dom and Michelle B.
have declared this league to be their's and they are not sharing
it with the rest of us. And good for them! If the rest of us
as a group can't figure out how to knock them off their perches,
they deserve to stay there. The way things are going, everyone
else is in a race for 4th and 5th place, at best.
In
Week #9, both JPK and Mrs. Dom went 6-7-1, and their lead got
larger!! How does this happen?? Michelle
goes 4-9-1 and stays in 3rd? Amazing. But a new contender is
rising from the ashes. In the last 2 weeks, Andy "AB"
Halstead has not only survived a trip over Niagara
Falls, but has gone 20-7 (10-4, 10-3-1) to launch himself into
a tie for the 4th place spot with Dave "I might
never not have worn a bra" Schwade who posted
his own 10-4 Week #8 but a 6-7-1 Week #9.
We're
at the half-way point of the season, so really it's still anyone's
game. Can the current King and Queen retain their reign? It
should be an interesting second half!
Division
Winners
Oh
yea. Division winners. We have actual money winners to announce.
And as if they haven't had enough recognition at this point,
JPK and Mrs. Dom have both
won their respective divisions (AHF and El
Sub) for the second time this year. In the Puzzle
division, after Michelle won QTR1, Dave
and AB are in a tie-breaker for QTR2. And finally,
I get to mention someone other than these five in this issue
and congratulate Audrey Vanek on her QTR2 victory
in the Dada Division after husband Dick
won this division in QTR1. I'd also like to mention that Sonya
had the best QTR2 record of anyone besides the King and Queen.
Unfortunately, that and a nickel will get her a hot
cup of jack squat. Keep up the good work anyway, Baby.
And
the Winner is...
Costume Contest Results
{Please
take my comments below with a grain of salt. My personal feelings
got in the way and I let them out in this section. Not the first
time, I know. It's just how I am. It's not meant as an "admonishment"
although it may seem like it. My apologies. Rest assured, my
tongue is firmly planted in my cheek at times like this. ---
Ralph}
This year's winner is... Apathy
OK,
maybe that's not a fair statement. But in it's defense, we did
receive votes from a disappointingly few number of people. To
be exact, only 27 different people submitted votes
this year. When you stop to consider that there are 48 non-fictional
people in FBH, and that on a weekly basis, the PPP usually gets
well over 30 responses, I must confess a bit of sadness on my
part to the poor voter turnout. What's the deal?
Maybe there were too many choices, too many really good entries
can make it difficult to choose just a few as personal favorites.
Maybe having to one-click away to the Voting Page was a deterrent
for some, but that didn't stop anyone last year (and shouldn't
stop anyone). Maybe the voting for Best in Show
isn't what most of you care about, instead being satisfied with
a good chuckle or two upon viewing the contestants. I guess
that's fine. But the measuring stick I use as the "creator/producer"
of this contest to judge the audience response is the number
of votes I get for the costumes. The more votes I get, the more
I know I have done my job of entertaining the masses. It's my
version of The Nielsen Ratings. Since I'm not sitting with you
while you enjoy the Halloween issue, I miss out on that sense
of gratification, so your votes are your best response. Sure,
I got many nice comments from those that voted (lot's of "Nice
work, Ralph!" and the like) and believe me, comments like
that are much appreciated. And I have come
to learn that the Halloween issue is always everyone's favorite.
But when I see that only 27 people took the time to chose a
favorite or two, it makes it seem that half the members of FBH
couldn't care less. (Although that's a statistic I choose not
to believe.)
  Anyway,
with that being said, we do have a winner! Each year, as I put
together the outfits, and in the days following as I go back
and review my work, one or two clear-cut favorites come to the
top of the pack, one or two that I KNOW will be the big vote-getters.
And this year was no exception. I guessed them both. With 14
votes, the winner is... STREAKER BOB
!!!
Siegfried
& Roy received a healthy dose of votes as well
(11 votes) to finish a close 2nd Place "behind" Bob.
Taking 3rd Place is Tom Schwade (and friend)'s
Underwear Ad with 7 votes. Personally, the
one I'm most proud of is Siegfried & Roy. The look on Roy's
face in this photo is just too precious as he poses with his
two true loves. Rumor has it that Becky Tanner quickly made
that picture her PC's desktop wallpaper, which welcomes visitors
to the Business Access offices. Way to go, Becky!
Here's
how the voting turned out:
Bob
Streaks: 14 votes
Siegfried & Roy: 11 votes
Tom's Briefs: 7 votes
Scott Connor/Ken Brown: 6 votes
Dave's Push-Up Bra: 5 votes
Charlie's Angels, Dada CD Covers: 4 votes
Star Trek Cap'ns, Julio Blasevick: 3 votes each
JV Mariucci, AB's Niagara Fall, The Matrix: 2 votes each
Ralph Woods PGA Tour, Alex Shula's Socks, Goat-Boy Wong, LeBron
Jame, Mellenhead's Tennis: 1 vote each
Discouraged,
yes. Determined to do this again next year? Absolutely! Thanks
to all those who voted, and we'll see you again next year!!
A
Tale of Two Cities
Dickens talks some football
 It
was the best of times; it was the worst of times. One of my teams
is 6-2; the other is 2-6. One team seems headed toward making
the playoffs; one seems headed toward watching the playoffs.
At the midpoint in the 2003 season, Dallas’s
winning record is as surprising as the Jets’ losing one.
Based on records alone, it’s not hard to pronounce one
team as far superior.
The Cowboys: Apparently, new coach Bill
Parcells didn’t take a taxi from D/FW airport to Valley
Ranch; he walked across Lake Lewisville. Coach Bill’s
application for sainthood is on Jerry Jones’s desk.
 But
let’s analyze his miracle. First, he laid down the law.
Second, he got rid of the roster problems and the potential
trouble makers (yes, you can include Emmitt here). He then brought
in some of his “guys” to set an example to the younger
cats. He continuously is looking for an upgrade (AKA “churning”
the roster).
Most of all, he instituted a basic football
sensibility to all three phases of the game; old-fashioned,
basic meat and potatoes, lunch pail stuff. Control the line
of scrimmage. Run the ball effectively. Don’t make mistakes
in the passing game or on special teams. Know why you’ve
lost in the past and eliminate those issues. Value a field position
game. Have the conditioning to be a factor when games are won
and lost in the fourth quarter.
This is not miracle work; this is simply
old school football.
This philosophy works especially well
in today’s NFL where parity reigns and stars are spread
among teams thanks to the salary cap. Who is making plays for
Dallas? A 23-year-old QB, a no-name offensive line, and a hard
hitting, underrated defense. From a personnel standpoint, all
this team did was plug a couple of holes in the off-season and
stayed fairly healthy in the first half. They have played solidly,
found a way to stay in all the games this year, and have been
able to prevail on the razor’s edge more often than not.
The Jets: Apparently, all hell has broken
loose and the Jets are one of the NFL’s dog teams.
 But
let’s analyze this debacle. Last year, the team gets off
to a slow start, then finds its franchise QB and rallies to
win its division. Hopes are high for 2003 as the offense is
designed around the new golden boy. Success breeds attrition
and key offensive linemen, and their top WR are lost to free
agency. Then, disaster strikes. The QB sustains a serious injury
just as the season is about to start. The backup QB has talent,
but the plays don’t fit his style and the offensive personnel
on hand were brought in to run the other guy’s scheme.
So the passing game sputters and, as a result, the running game
suffers. More pressure is put on the defense and special teams
and weaknesses start to show. The linebackers start looking
their age. A starting DB gets hurt, then the pro-bowl DE. Games
they found a way to win on that razor’s edge last year
go the other way.
Fact is, when you compare 2002 and 2003,
the Jets are not playing that differently; the Football Gods
are just blowing things in a slightly different direction.
As far as critics who claim the 2003 Jets
are in the bottom third of the league’s talent pool, they
must have missed last week’s game when Chad Pennington
was smoothly running the offense that was designed for him and
how much better everything, including the running game, looked.
Give us a healthy Chad from Day 1 and I believe we're right
in the playoff hunt today.
Very
recently, the Rams and the Patriots turned 4 and 5 win teams
into Super Bowl winners in one season. NFL teams are all so
very close talent-wise. The winners get on a roll and their
confidence soars. Guys you wouldn’t give a plugged nickel
for last year, start showing up big-time. The losers just can’t
seem to buy a break and the rot sets in.
P
on the PP
Look Ma! I got my own Column!
For this week, at least, I've moved the P on the PP section
up to a more prominent place because we've gotten a couple weeks
behind and we also have some unfinished business to attend to.
That business being the World Series Prediction winners. (Actually,
calling them "winners" is a stretch, since they don't
actually win anything. But recognition here was promised and
thusly, being delivered.)
As
you know, The Florida Marlins shocked the world (well, parts
of the world anyway) and took the 2003 World Series in 6 games
over the Yankees. Only 4 people here predicted Marlins in 6
and here they are: Doug "Met-Boy" Manuel,
Roy "Born-Again Met-Boy" Bunting,
Matt "Marlin-Boy" Marcus, and Yogi
"Yankee-Boy? No way!" Yeager. Congratulations
to each of these four for guessing it right!
Close-but-no-cigar awards go out to Marlins in 5 guessers
(Tom LeDuc, and Dick and Audrey), Marlins in 7 guessers (Ralph,
Boobie, Kenny D., AB), and JPK who boldly predicted Marlins
in 4 games. Now THAT is a true Yankee-hater!
Two
weeks ago, we asked you who/what was the biggest surprise of
the 2003 season so far. This one was a bit of a no-brainer,
Dallas with a 5-2 (now 6-2) record getting 21 of the 34 votes.
Coming in as the 2nd biggest surprise of the season was John
Kardel and his stint at the top of the FBH Standings
(7 votes). Arguments can be made for either side, but for me,
THIS is the biggest surprise so far. Dallas has a new Head Coach,
and a completely new attitude for 2003. John, as far as I can
tell, has the same coach and the same attitude as ever. What
makes this year different for him? No one knows. Maybe it's
time for FBH to begin testing for steroids.
Last
week, we asked for your opinion on why there was No Question
for last week. This one was actually a trick question, since
the question of why there was no question is really a question.
Confused? Me too.
The
answers to choose from were:
"Too
Busy with Costumes": 2 votes
"Can't Think of a Question": 4 votes
"Just being Selfish": 7 votes
"All of the above": 14 votes
So
which answer is the most correct? Good question. Was I "too
busy with the costumes" that I didn't have time to come
up with a question? Not really. That's the lamest of the excuses
offered. Sure, a lot of time went into the production of those
costumes, but it's not like the PPP questions are making Nobel
Prize winners scratch their heads, deep in thought.
Was it just that I "couldn't think of a question"?
That's more accurately the case. I never intended for the PPP
to become a weekly feature. In Week #1, I had some questions
I seriously wanted to ask and get the group's opinion on. It
got good response (better than this year's Costume voting) and
so I thought it would be a nice thing to try every week. By
putting it right there on the Pick Page, it did two things.
First, it encouraged people to just pick an answer while they
were already in "Picking Mode" and not forcing anyone
to go to a separate page to voice their opinions (since tests
prove that most people won't take that extra step to answer
a poll question). Second, it made it easier for me to retrieve/tabulate
the answers to a poll if they were included with the Picks.
Was I "just being selfish" and holding out on the
group? While this was my favorite answer, and I was glad that
many of you recognized the sarcasm of such an excuse on my part,
this wasn't really the case. As I mentioned, I never intended
this to become a weekly event, so I have no pre-prepared questions
at the ready to use. I got lucky and was able to come up with
a few topical questions early in the season, but it's getting
harder and harder each week to come up with anything of interest.
Then again, FBH is a "fly by the seat of my pants"
type of operation, and trying to come up with interesting things
to discuss on these pages is a weekly ritual. You'd think I
be used to that by now. So maybe I was being a bit selfish when
I failed to make an honest effort on last week's PPP.
The
final answer: "All of the Above" got the most votes
and is probably the most accurate of the answers to choose from.
I was too busy, too selfish, and too stupid to come up with
a legitimate question last week. I plead Guilty to all the charges,
your honor. Slap me on the wrists and sentence me to another
8 weeks of PPP questions.
Thanks
to all those who participate in my silly little poll each week!
Moss takes the loss vs. Green Bay |
Carolina crashes again, 2nd loss in a row |
How good is Seattle? |
How bad is Oakland? |
| 
Flutie makes the boos go away
|
Baltimore takes down the Jaguars |
A somewhat
kooky end to a well-played Giants/Jets game for us Dallas-area viewers.
(Congrats to the G-men and their supporters, by the way.) Just as
the battle of New York went into overtime, the local Fox affiliate
switched to the Cowboys/Redskins game. Fortunately, the Sunday Ticket
had my back and lifted their blackout. Ralphie was not so fortunate.
No I wasn't, Roy. I did have the where-with-all to call Bob on his
cell phone, knowing he was in attendance at the Meadowlands. He
did his best to walk me thru the entire OT with his play-by-play
while the signal cut in and out and the crowd roared over every
play. The Giants missed FG attempt was very exciting, while the
Jets blocked FG attempt was very confusing. The ending, just flat
out sucked.
I’m very saddened that Rutgers lost its Big East rivalries with
Virginia Tech and Temple this week. I know the Hokies went to the
ACC, but what happened to the Owls?
The new NFL Network is on, but I haven’t watched it enough
to have drawn a conclusion. So far, all I’ve seen is ex-players
doing analysis and roto-geeks mumbling over fantasy stats. I’ve
got to say the players dress much better. Hey, at least they iron
their slacks.
Those of us without DirectTV will just have to hold our breath before
ever seeing the new NFL Network. Not one single Cable Operator in
the country has signed on to add it to it's current line-up :-(
An extra special huzzah for our faithful AssCommish’s fine
work on last week’s costume contest. Becky already has Siegfried
and Roy as her desktop wallpaper.
In
a non-football related story: I didn't see this happen live or mentioned
on ESPN but I was impressed by it none-the-less. Bill Guerin of
the Dallas Stars scored two goals in the span of 2:07 in a game
last week. What makes this interesting is that he spent
2:00 of that time in the Penalty Box. It seems he scored
a goal, and then punched a guy on the other team, taking a penalty.
He sat in the box for 2 minutes, came out, received a pass, and
scored again in :07 seconds. Gotta be some sort of record.
I have purchased a new Cowboy jersey (it looks like the Troy Aikman
comeback isn’t going to happen) and have selected…drum
roll please…Number 31, free safety Roy Williams…
and I must say, the moment I pulled it over my head I started looking
for someone to hit.
Since
Roy did the right thing and purchased a "Roy" Cowboys
jersey (I insisted he choose between Roy Williams, Lee Roy Jordan,
and La'Roi Glover), I have to make my next Jets jersey a "Ralph"
jersey. That means Ralph Baker or Ralph Clayton will get their first
royalty check from NFL Properties. (Two points to the person who
can tell me what numbers those guys wore.)
Have you ever tried a Nutrageous candy bar? They
make a Snickers look like some punk-ass treat. To quote Teri Hatcher,
“They’re real…and they’re spec-tacular!”
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