Current Standings
Can we start over again?

 I've always said that picking games in the first few weeks of the NFL season is just a crap-shoot. It's too early to know if last year's powerhouses are this year's weaklings and vice-versa. (The same could be said for FBH.) Because the NFL pre-season is not in the least bit a reflection of what's to come, all we have to go on is history and hunches (and that Cincinnati and Arizona are terrible). Yet, the bigger question might be, why is Jason Taylor trying to kiss Vinny Testeverde?

 To illustrate this early season craziness, Week #2 of 2003 saw one of the worst performances in FBH history as eight (8) different people had double-digit loses. But Week #2 also saw one of the leagues best performances, as eight (8) different people scored double-digit wins. This in a week that included a game that NONE of us could possiblly get wrong (the Tie).

 Go figure.

  When John "Don't call me Kordell" Kardel posts a league best 12-3-1, it's time to check to see if maybe the judges aren't being paid off or something. And when Dave and Roy both go 10-5, public outcry for a Recall can be heard all the way to California. But as if to justify the results, the leaders after Week #1 scored 10 wins each and now Jeff "C. Montgomery" Burns and Michelle "Encyclopedia" Brown share the top spot.

 Further proving that the world is flat, two of last seasons top finishers, Mark "Itchy Belly" Vanek and Danny "Half-Point" Andren posted scores of 3-12 and 4-11 respectively. Ouch. And winner of the "Crash and Burn" Award of the week is Becky "Sun" Tanner, who with her 3-12 dropped 31(!) places in the standings. Double Ouch! At least Danny can now shoot for the "Worst to First" Award, while Hope "that I can get out of last place" Vanek readies the basement for her next visitor.

 With only two (2) weeks remaining in the First Quarter, we promise(?) to have the Divisions worked out before Sunday's games. With 48 participants this year, it looks like we'll go to 4 divisions of 12 each. While that slightly decreases the odds of winning a QTR, it should ultimately raise the final rewards (one less division equals $100 more in the "booty"). Check the Current Standings page later in the week as I hope to have Quarterly standings available once the division details are worked out.

 Can't wait to see what Week #3 brings. Good luck to ALL of us, because we ALL need it.

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Are You Ready For Some Karma?
A Monday Night Shock(ey)

 Lisa “Thanks for all your help, coach Fassel” Guerrero’s malapropisms aside; Monday Night Football is off to a rollicking start. The Redskins edged the Jets in the Kickoff 2003 Party and defending champion Tampa Bay spoiled the Eagles inaugural game in their new digs last Monday. Even if play quality has varied at times, at least we haven’t been asked to endure any blowouts so far this year.

 (An aside on Ms. Guerrero – it’s not a good sign when I find myself wishing Eric Dickerson were doing the sideline reporting. Despite what must be rigorous instruction from MNF brass, Lisa looks as ill suited for the job as a Star Search spokesmodel would. As we viewers are used to either steak or sizzle, expect an increase in either football acumen or décolletage in coming weeks.)

 Last Monday’s game was no exception. By all rights, it should have been a lopsided victory, but for the visiting Cowboys not for the favored Giants. The G-men really showed their pedigree by climbing back into the game in the second half, even taking the lead with a late TD, two point conversion, and go-ahead FG with 00:11 remaining. But the planets must have really been in alignment for Dallas. A kickoff out of bounds, a 25-yard sideline pass and a 52-yard FG later, we’re headed to OT where Dallas outplayed NY in all three phases of the game and came away with a 3 point win.

 Was it fate or inattention to detail? Secondguesser question #1: The Giants had the opportunity (it was second down and they had a remaining time out) to run one more play and decrease the remaining game clock before the go-ahead FG; why didn’t they? Answer: Because the insurance of kicking before fourth down (you’d get another chance to snap and hold in case of a botch) is useless if you don’t leave yourself enough time for a second try.

 Secondguesser question #2: After the go-ahead FG, was it wise to make the squib kick or should they have made a full kick off? Answer: You make the squib and thus avoid bringing the dangerous looking Zuriel Smith into the picture. That said, short of surrendering a return TD, the last thing you can afford is kicking the ball out of bounds.

 The Giants played it right from a coaching standpoint, one of their players – kicker Matt Bryant – just had bad execution. Really, the Giants should not have allowed the game to be close enough that hinged on one or two plays like it did. The real question is, “What closed the gap between these two teams?”

 Ultimately, the root of the outcome all came back to karma. Don’t blame Bryant; blame noisy Giants TE Jeremy Shockey. Rule number one in sport is do not to give your opponent an edge. This is especially important in the NFL, where the difference separating teams is slim at best.

 Shockey’s boasting that he would “pound” Dallas and “make them pay” was not only juvenile, it was unnecessary given NY’s superiority on paper and home field advantage. As they’d say around these parts, “You’ve got to let that dog lie.” (Note to Shockey: 8 receiving yards is not exactly pounding anyone, except maybe yourself and your teammates.)

 The firestorm he created did two key things. First, it turbo-charged already revved up Cowboy engines. Dallas was not going to embarrass Coach Parcells in a big game in front of his former team, especially after a shoddy week one performance. Second, it played with his own head, thereby neutralizing one of his team’s biggest weapons. It was comical seeing him taking off gloves, putting on gloves, changing gloves, falling down on pass routes and dropping throws, even a TD toss that I don’t think it’s a stretch to say my Mom would have caught (in full pads), and looking generally in a fixed-gaze daze. One could just see his demons gnawing at him all night long.

 That’s the thing about karma; don’t ever think you can really get away with it.

  I watched the ESPN Countdown pregame show and I could have sworn Michael Irvin offered something like this with regards to how the New England Pats could recover from their hangover of losing Lawyer Milloy to the Bills: "You just have to reach your hand up into that dark place and pull your head out". My question is - I know it was tough to lose one of your defensive leaders to a division rival, but could it really be as bad as having your head up your ass?

 Also from ESPN, my definition of the "Rush Challenge" is how quickly I can surf to another channel when I see that stupid yellow sign pop up on my screen indicating big fat idiot Rush Limbaugh has a football opinion.

 Bonehead play of the week goes to the 49ers WR Cedrick Wilson, who with 9 seconds left in regulation caught a pass well within field goal range and instead of hitting the ground and calling timeout for a game winning field goal he ran out the clock running backward across the field trying to gain more yardage. Not sure how this happens.

 A big thumbs down to the FOX 'game situation' horizontal banner that now covers the top of the screen for the entire broadcast. Get rid of the logos, I know which teams are playing. Get rid of the flashing light and obnoxious whooshing sound effect after every play that attempts to highlight which team has the ball and down and distance - I know which team has the ball and the sound effect is like a Chinese water torture. Quit eroding more and more valuable screen space every year with fancy new crap. I just want to watch some football.

 The second half of Tampa Bay and Carolina was a great defensive street fight. Even the kickers were bad ass in this one, based on this quote I read that can best be categorized as 'pick on someone your own size' - The Gaston Gazette reports Carolina Panthers P Todd Sauerbrun ripped Tampa Bay Buccaneers PK Martin Gramatica for his performance on Sunday, Sept. 14. "He kicked like garbage today," Sauerbrun said. "How many kicks did we block? Three? I mean that was the most ridiculous effort on any special teams side of the ball that I've witnesses in my lifetime. That guy speaks for himself right there." Stay tuned for a kicker rumble because these 2 teams square off again in week 10.

NFL Happenings
Ralph's weekly photo essay