In
This Issue:
Week
Two Standings
Welcome to The Men's Club
A quick glimpse at the standings after 2 weeks has likely led many
of you to say that Ralph is still asleep at the wheel and now he's
even gone and mixed up 1st place with 48th place. But make no mistake
about it, Dyalan "Worst to First" Beamon
is indeed part of a 3-way tie for first place. His amazing 13-3 record
was the tops among many excellent performances by the group. No less
than 11 people scored double-digit victories last week. Dyalan is
joined at the tippy-top by fellow BA associate Kenny "Sunny"
D. and John "Mouse" Meseck. Could
this be the year the men take back the crown from the women who ruled
this league last season? Before our male egos take over and answer
YES! to that question, I should point out that Mellenhead, Mrs. Mellenhead,
Michelle, Brandi, and Sonya are all right there among the Top 10 and
are meeting secretly in the Ladies Room to discuss how to best take
the men down. Watch out boys!
Special
mention goes out to "do a Google search for, find embarrasing
photo of" Ron "bring it up at your interview with the school
board, and cost yourself the position" Hade who posted
the league's only 12-4 record in Week Two. Nice work Giant-Boy!
Fixing themselves
a place in the FBH cellar are Danny "First to Worst"
Andren and Yogi "Thank you for not charging
us to host this website" Yeager. The season is young,
boys, don't despair! [No Dave, I didn't say it was the season of young
boys, so just keep your pants on.]
Divisions?
Oh yes, we will have Divisions. They've been decided upon with very
few changes from last year. I'll do my best to get them posted on
the Standings Page ASAP. The names of these divisions are yet to be
determined at press time. Stay tuned!!
Comments,
Comments
Voices from the Peanut Gallery
Since
the Comments page section of FBH is such a pain in the a$$ to keep
up to date on a weekly basis, and no one seems to be using the new
Bulletin Board we have at our disposal, many people still make their
feelings known thru the Comments box on the Picks page. Unfortunately,
I'm the only one who ever gets to read those comments. That's not
right, since this is a community and these comments deserve to be
shared with the masses. So without making any promises that I can't
keep, we're going to try to include these comments week-by-week as
part of the main page. Here's the best of what we got during the first
2 weeks of the season [and The Commish and I speak back]...
Paul
Kessler (Week 1):
aaaahhhhh, once again, overseas man, 'tex' as they call me down here,
enters another blind FBH season with not enough information to make
fully educated picks. I claim no excuse and continue the passion,
even as games like cricket and aussie rules football and rugby union
and rugby league are talked about continuously. I am, quite honestly,
a little sick of having that same old 'pads and helmet' argument,
but continue to back the ole red white and blue.... and then call
them a bunch of 'kangaroo fiddlers'. Cheers to Ralph and Roy
[The Commish:
I didn’t know “Kangaroo Fiddling” had become an
organized sport in the Pacific Rim. Glad I’m not having to make
the NFL vs. Badminton argument, but keep up the good work!]
Paul
Kessler (Week 2):
I want to be published..... don't make me come up with interesting
conversation if you don't publish it...
[Ralph:
So sorry Paul, we promise to share with the others from now on. And
hey, you've inspired this entire article!]
[The Commish: True words, sir. We are more than happy to oblige.]
Angelo
Forgione:
Roy, I take offense to your comment about Philly. As you well know,
most of my closest friends are freaks or jackasses.
[The Commish: As one of your closest friends,
I’m not sure how to take that.]
Mellenhead
Shupp:
I'll take dada with the points!
[Ralph:
Like Samuel Adams: Always a good decision!]
[The Commish: dada injury report: Gurley (questionable) - Arm packed
in ice; Leavitt (probable) - hallucinations (residual effects of trip
with his father); Calio (probable) – gastrointestinal (last
reported sick in Santorini)]
John
Schwade (non-FBH Member, but avid FBH reader):
Ralph, I'm all for eliminating ties. I used to have to wear a tie
at my job in this prison, and I always worried that an inmate could
use it to choke me. I'm glad I don't have to wear a tie anymore. But
I'm wondering what ESPN has to do with eliminating ties. Doesn't Chris
Berman wear a tie? [signed] Confused in North Carolina
[Ralph:
OK, now I'm confused too.]
Dane
Schwade:
Good job on the Freedom Day 2004. Can I book you blokes for Schwade
Day 2005? You get to paint my house and fix it up.
[The Commish: Well, since
I couldn’t even survive a trip to the grocery store, my involvement
might be largely supervisory. Can you fit 25 houseguests in there?]
John
Schwade:
The photo of Roy's lift is impressive indeed. However, by wearing
a mask to filter molds, spores, and fungus from the air, he disqualified
himself from any official record. But Roy does have big stones.
[The Commish: After years
of watching Schwade lifting heavy things technique, I just used my
ass.]
Last week, I forgot to post the results here from our first
"P on the PP" of the season. Look further below for those
results as well as Week Two's PPP results. For now, here's some comments
on the first PPP...
Dane
Schwade:
Did you get this P on the PP from the SATs? I know I answered this
question back in 1979! The answer must be (c). Also, may I introduce
"intravenous sleep"?
[The Commish: The answer
was definitely not (e) Catch up on sleep during BA staff meetings.]
Doug Manuel:
Wait, Since when does Ralph sleep at night? I always remember him
waking at 1-2 in the afternoon and getting to bed somewhere around
4-5 am.
[The Commish: Still pretty close, especially
since he got Tiger Woods ’05 and a DVR.]
Andy
Halstead:
I am an accountant so I am really no good at math. I guess a lot.
[The Commish: At least you know the difference
between debits and credits. I’m still hazy about that one.]
NFL
Happenings
The Week in Pictures
The
Jets are 2-0 and the experts are saying that they have the potential
to be one of the major players in the league when play-offs come along?
Curtis Martin is running like it's 1999 and Chad Pennington may be
the second coming of Broadway Joe? Am I dreaming? If so, please don't
wake me!!
I know, it's a bit early for visions of the post-season to
be dancing in my head, but my years as a Jets season ticket holder
have taught me to cheer early when you get the chance, because you
may not have anything else to cheer about for the rest of the day.
With that in mind, let's take a look at the past week in pictures...
P
on the PP
When will Ralph Sleep? / How to be Fired?
Week 1, I pointed out that I now have three new things I didn't
have last season. #1: A Job. #2: A DVR. #3: The NFL Network. Combine
these with Tiger Woods 2005 and it all spells trouble for yours truly.
How did the masses respond to this difficult mathmatical equation? Of
the 29 responses we got, 15 of you pointed out what I've known all
along: That I am Not Allowed to Sleep! While 11 of you openly admitted
that you are not good at Math. I thank you all for your honesty, and
if you catch me sleeping anywhere I'm not supposed to be sleeping,
just call me an "Uncle Tom" (Schwade, that is).
Week
2, I asked how you, as Manager of the New York Mets, would like to
be fired. Of the 27 responses we got, 6 of you said you'd like to
read about it in The Daily News. Two people said they'd ask their
bosses if they intended to fire you. Eleven people said they'd agree
to be fired, yet keep working so no replacement would have to be found
right away (very noble of you). And 7 people said they'd like all
of the above. While one person explained that they would "Put
on a dress, and walk out to the mound with both middle fingers extended
high in the air toward the press box". For those who don't
know, this situation is exactly what happened to soon-to-be-ex-Manager
Art Howe. Rumors abounded that he was to be fired. He went to his
bosses and asked if it was true. They told him yes, but please finish
out the remaining 15 or so games of the season. He is doing just that.
Poor Art. Poor fans. Pour me another.
Extra
Points
Most Rapid 3 minutes in Football Happenings
Combined with big things happening at Business Access, Tiger Woods
2005 came out this week so the combination squeezed my personal schedule
pretty flat this week. (It could have been worse. Imagine how much
time I would have lost if Tiger’s fiancée Elin Nordegren
had come out with a video game!) So my offering to you this week is
an expanded Extra Points section, but no article. In a way, it’s
like sandwich night. I realize it’s kind of hard to get excited
about sandwich night, but it’s still nourishment and it can
still be quite tasty. So off we go…
[
Rutgers came out of its opening home stand at 2-1 after putting down
the Kent State squad on Saturday. This week, the Scarlet Knights travel
to Syracuse to face the Orangemen in RU’s first Big East Conference
game of 2005. Red Team Upstream! Upstream, Red Team!
[
What about those Texas Rangers? A team of youngsters playing with
heart is such a marvelous thing to see. Thursday, the Rangers completed
a sweep of divisional rival Oakland with a come from behind victory
fueled by three runs in the bottom of the ninth. With 9 games left,
the Rangers trail the A’s by 3 games.
[
It’s good to see the old Dallas/Washington rivalry heating up
again. For a while, it has been a bit lame because Washington has
been the Cowboys’ bitch, despite Danny Snyder’s best free
agent marauding. Adding Joe Gibbs to the mix turns up the credibility
of the team as does adding bona fide top 5 running back Clinton Portis.
But right now, it’s still not enough. Look for Big D to win
by 10 on Monday.
[
The Miss America pageant was held last weekend and Miss Alabama Deidre
Downs went home with the tiara and scepter. She was not my first pick,
but is that the perfect name for a Miss America or what? This year’s
production (The 50th on TV) was more modern and seemed to move along
at a good pace, but it seemed too much like an amalgamation of “Who
Wants to be a Millionaire?” “Star Search” and “The
Bachelor.” The biggest faux pas was reducing the talent competition
to just the final two contestants (the spin was they were “increasing
its importance” but it was easy to see the producers wanted
to eliminate 30 minutes of off-key singing and piano concerti.) and
replacing it with “Casual wear” runway action. I was okay
with the casual wear addition, but talent, even bad talent, is as
much a part of the contest as “wanting world peace” is.
http://www.missamerica.org
[
You are probably asking yourself, “Who was the winner of the
first televised Miss America Pageant?” Well, Miss America 1955
was none other than the pride of San Francisco Lee Meriwether who
went on to play Catwoman in the Batman feature film. (Lee did not
appear on the Batman TV series. The two actresses who played the “Fraudulent
Feline” on TV were, of course, Julie Newmar and Eartha Kitt).
[
A little Internet searching uncovered comments from Cranford High
School head football coach Chris Hull after the Cougars’ 48-6
lambasting of Newark Shabbaz HS, upping CHS to a 2-1 record and getting
back on course after losing a heartbreaker to Linden 13-10.
[
Ralph tells me the Jets haven’t started 2-0 in 10 years. No
complaints so far.
