2006 SEASON PREVIEW
(2005 Season Review)
I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar
Ah
yes, September. A month to remember. September means going back
to school, baseball pennant races, the end of Summer, and of course,
the start of another season of football. But more importantly, September
means one more thing. That’s right, the announcement of last
year’s FBH champion!
We had such a close race last season that
it took us the entire off-season to compile the records, review the
videotape, consult with all those concerned, consider our options,
weigh the facts, listen to opinions, consider alternatives, gather
our thoughts, ignore our detractors, regain our composure, sober
up, reboot our computers, shake off our creepy malaise, and get off
our lazy asses to do what should have been done 9 months ago. Announce
a winner.
Actually, the person who won already knows
they won. And the person who finished second knows they didn’t
win. As for the rest of you, I have to assume that you also know
that you didn’t
win. But who did?
Dum de de dum dum da!!!
We proudly announce the 2005 FBH Champion…
Beth Wong
(146 wins -110 loses)
Beth led the way heading
into the final week of the season and had a seemingly comfortable
3 game lead over 2nd place finisher, Bob Shupp.
But she had to tough it out with a 7-9 record in the final week while
Boobie went 9-7 to cut the margin of victory to just one game. One
more time of not picking the Jets could have given Bob the tie, but
it was not to be. Finishing 3rd, one game behind Bob and only two
games behind Beth was Bob’s Mother-in-law,
Mrs. Cap’n Dom.
The Mrs. Cap’n has been a force to be reckoned with since joining
the league a few years ago. She’s one of our most devoted
members (if I don’t get the standings posted by Tuesday morning
each week, I hear about it), and is an early favorite to take the
2006 title.
Proving that you don’t have to be a
man to be successful in this league, the rest of the top 5 is rounded
out by more women. Young Jess Ruble, who has obviously
inherited her Mom’s ability
to pick NFL games, took 4th place finishing 6 games out of first,
and the other most important woman in Boobie's life, his lovely wife
Ellen “Mellenhead” Raimondo-Shupp, finished
one game behind Jess and took the 5th place spot with her league
best 11-5 record in week 17. Bob’s 2nd place finish gives him
bragging rights over the Raimondo girls, and is likely the only power
he has in his North Jersey world.
As we look at the remainder of the Top 10,
we see two very familiar faces when it comes to the upper echelon
of the FBH standings. Part of a 4-way tie for 6th place was Ron “Juggernaut” Hade and Dawn “formerly a Ruble, but forever a..” Bunting.
If you take a look at the FBH Historical Standings (which will be
updated to include 2005 shortly) you will see these two names at
or near the very top of the list. Both are former FBH Champions and
consistently finish among the league leaders. The other 6th place
finishers were FBH veteran Ken Brown and in only his second season
of FBH the young Wyatt LeDuc made his Dad, Tom, look quite foolish.
Finishing in a tie for 10th place was Dolores “13
games better than her husband Scott” Conner and Mike “If it’s
not Scottish it’s CRAP!” Hogg. Mike claims the European
title over Wouter van Zutphen (lives in Holland) who finished third
to last. Paul Kessler took the Asian Title (lives in Hong Kong) uncontested.
.
Taking the coveted and fictional Business
Access Title was none other than Becky Tanner. Becky finished higher
than all seven of her mostly male co-workers. Further proving that
to be successful in this league, you need to be either Female, under
the age of 12, European, or related to Bob. Anyone with two of these
attributes has an unfair advantage.
So who was the biggest loser in 2005? It might
be unfair to refer to anyone as a “loser”. In theory,
if you didn’t
finish first, you qualify as a “loser”. I finished in
42nd place so I’m as much of a loser as anyone else. Well,
almost anyone else. My partner in the Commissioner’s office,
Sir Roy Bunting, finished 2 games behind me in 46th place (a fact
I intend to remind him of as often as possible). Yet we both did
worse than his cat, Emma. However, we had one outstanding example
of futility. Finishing dead last (50th place), a full 7 games behind
the 49th place finisher, 35 games away from 1st place, and the 2005
Dane Award Winner, Audrey Vanek. Don’t feel bad Audrey, if
you had taken the opposite of your actual picks, you would have only
finished tied for second. There’s more honor in winning The
Dane than coming in second. Just ask Boobie, he’s done both.
For a complete look at the 2005 final standings,
click here.
Welcome to what's happening
in football in 2006…
Greetings from the Love-Beaded
FootballHappenings Headquarters! In
a lot of ways, the FBH season preview is the easiest issue of the
year to write. Nebulousness has hyperbole’s back. And
there is no hyperbole like Bunting brand hyperbole when it’s
stoked with the adrenaline rush accompanying the start of a new football
season. I can pretty much make any manner of boastful claim
today with impunity, safe in the knowledge that my views cannot be
contradicted until much later (when everyone will have forgotten
all about them, anyway).
For example, I might say, “The Jets are
going to the playoffs this season” and there isn’t a
damn thing any one of you can do about it. A bold statement? Yes. But
can you prove me wrong? And don’t try to bring some supposed “expert” opinion – even
if all the experts pretty much do have the same opinion --
what else you got? The fact that the Jets’ two best offensive
players have career-threatening injuries and their third-best guy
left the team – just like the last year’s two best
defensive players did – which prompted the head coach to be “off,
like a prom dress”? Yeah? Well good point. Still,
my point is no less valid. There are no stats you can call
up (even the Jets’ 0-4 preseason record) that can disprove
me. As of this moment, I am untouchable.
Ah, present-moment awareness. The last
refuge of a scoundrel who finds himself rooting for a bad team. Seriously
though, present-moment awareness is awesome and it doesn’t
much matter how it comes to mind. Staying in the present is
what it’s
all about. When you become more connected to everything around
you, you are literally “being present” to timeless infinity. Deepak
Chopra says, “The past is history, the future a mystery, but
the present is eternal. It really is.” So
even if we lost last week and we might lose next week, and probably
the week after that…when that opening kickoff comes, all gauges
are reset to zero; hope and possibilities abound.
Autumn beckons us to assemble. To quote
our friends, New Jersey’s
own, Fountains of Wayne, “The best part’s just begun;
we’re all becoming one again.”
Good luck to everyone. I cannot guarantee
you a good record at season’s end but, hey, at present, you
don’t have
any losses.
Love and peace – The Commish
