In
This Issue:
Current
Standings
...And A Phoney Shall Lead Them
That
current standings have never been phonier. The man whom the Last
Place award is named for suddenly finds himself on the opposite
end of the FBH world.
Dave
"The Ultimate Phoney" Schwade used a 10-4
Week 3 to vault into the top spot, a full 2 games over Jeff
"Click, THEN Scroll" Vanek, FBH Queen-for-a-week
Jennifer Pickert, and by default Tommy
Shifflet. Dave is
off to a very impressive start as he is the only one of us to score
double-digit wins in each of the first 3 weeks. Rounding out the
Top 5 is Sonya, Roy and Scotland's
own Mr.
Hogg. Making his first appearance in the Top 10 is Madden
Football. Can Madden survive it's own jinx? [I'll explain
the Madden Football jinx in a future issue.]
Yogi's trip
to the FBH basement was short-lived as his 10-4 record pointed
him back toward the over-ground. Taking Yogi's place in the cellar
this week is someone with a familiar name, Schwade. After being
asked as a youngster, "Why can't you be more like your little brother
Dave?", Tom has
finally lived up to the example Dave had set years ago. But Tom,
I know Dave Schwade, I've worshiped at the temple of Dave Schwade,
and Tom, you are NO Dave Schwade.
And what FBH 2006 issue
would be complete without mentioning Lupita? So
long as she keeps making news, I'll keep talking about her here.
Current holder of the FBH Roller-Coaster Award, Lupita has gone
2-14, then 12-4, and then 4-10 in this, her first season of picking
games. That's not morning sickness, Pita, it's FBH sickness.
See you all next week!
Jets Roundtable
Mangini
Gets Tough, Too Tough?
A
NY Daily News article circulated by my bongo-playing buddy Boobie started an international Jets discussion earlier this week. The piece
discussed how first-year coach Eric Mangini was not averse to benching
the previous game’s starting players
for poor performance or sitting players during a game for significant
mistakes. Is this a matter of needlessly angering veterans and
creating locker room strife or fostering competition and better
performance from the team?
Bob: It's easy for us as fans to think that all players should be
treated this way, and be judged harshly each game (though none of
us would want that in our own lives), but I look at it as an opportunity
for the Jets to mix it up a bit, and see if some bench players can
respond to opportunity. Leon Washington is a prime example. Did you
see the moves he made last week? When have have we had someone running
free with moves like that? It not only provides a fear factor so
no one is comfortable, but also provides hope for the second- and
third-stringers that they will get their chance.
Dave: I counter your implicit argument. "It's easy for us
as fans to think that all players should be treated this way, and
be judged harshly each game (though none of us would want that in
our own lives)," I believe most of us are judged harshly in
our own lives by employers - annual reviews, pay raises or not, possible
bonuses - all are based on our performance. These football players
earn far more than we do, and for too long they have not had the
criticism of their performance that they deserve. That criticism
should come from the coaches, announcers, and the sports reporters.
Instead, we get the announcers as shills, the sports reporters as
patsies, and the coaches as wimps who can't control their teams.
I say, “Good for Mangini and the Jets.” Competition
for any position on the team will make individuals and eventually
the team play better. Okay - back to work for me.
Wouter: I think this will work especially to keep the second- and
third-stringers sharp and of course the practice squad. I think Mangini
will soften up because in this speed he will make a few enemies as
well, I don't think he and Blaylock are on speaking terms :-) I agree
with Dave also, I mean we get judged as well in real life but we
also make an error now and then and if someone is working his ass
off and has a bad play, then I don't think you should make him a
bench player for a couple of games, but we'll see. In the mean time
this strategy is paying off so I'm at least aiming for 9 wins this
season :-)
El Commish: You know how much I love a meritocracy.
Coach Mangini comes from the highly-successful New England system
that produced three Super Bowl championships in four years. And
what are most prevalent comments made about them? How their concept
of team is paramount and how they win with players who are a bunch
of interchangeable parts, not superstars. This “radical” player
management theory sounds like lesson one in the Bill Belichick
primer. When personnel changes are potentially just one play away,
seems to me complacency goes out the window. Starters remain more
focused (as not to be taken out of the game) and substitutes will
be sharper (and prepare better) if they might be in the game 20
seconds from now. Plus, more players get game experience, so there
is less drop-off from losing players to injury. Vive Les Jets Nouveau!
(p.s. I think 10-6 is a real possibility.)
[If you'd like to see the entire article in
question, click here.]
Happy
Anniversary?
Two Teams Celebrate, But Should They?
This
season, two NFL teams are commemorating their 60th Anniversary's.
The San Francisco 49ers and the Cleveland Browns.
Each team is wearing patches on their uniforms and in Cleveland
you may have noticed the big "60" painted at mid-field. Originally,
I thought maybe the Browns were honoring the late great quarterback,
Otto Graham. But no, I was wrong.
As it turns out, back in 1946,
a new football league was formed called The All-American Football
Conference (AAFC). The NFL was gaining popularity as World War II
had ended and this new league brought professional football to many
American cities where the NFL did not exist. Included in the 8 team
league were teams in Miami, Buffalo, Brooklyn NY, Baltimore, as well
as San Francisco and Cleveland (none
of those cities had NFL teams yet). The teams in the AAFC played
14 games per season, while the NFL was only playing 10. The league's
first champion, and as it turned out, it's ONLY champion, was the
Browns. In the 4 years the league existed (1946-49), the Browns dominated
and won the AAFC Title each year. By 1949, both the AAFC and the
NFL were having financial difficulties and decided to merge. The
NFL took in the S.F. 49ers, Cleveland Browns, and Baltimore Colts.
The same Colts we know today? Well, not really. That Baltimore Colts
team played only one season (1950) in the NFL before folding. In
1953, an expansion franchise was rewarded to Baltimore and they assumed
the name Colts. Those Colts were the one's who eventually fled town
in the middle of the night and moved to Indianapolis in 1984.
It's
interesting to note that the statistics and records of the AAFC were
NOT merged in with the NFL's statistical records. In 1970, the NFL
would merge with, and basically swallow up, the AFL, but that league's
records and stats ARE combined with NFL stats and any AFL record
is considered an NFL record even if it occurred pre-NFL.
So here we are, 60 years later
and the 49ers and Browns are proudly celebrating their 60 years of
existence. But wait a minute, didn't the Browns leave Cleveland and
move to Baltimore to become the Ravens in 1996? Yes, they did. But
at the time, the NFL forced them to leave the name, colors, and records
in Cleveland. And three years later, the NFL awarded an expansion
franchise back to Cleveland. That team assumed the name "Browns"
and all that went with it and restarted in 1999. So is it right to
celebrate a 60th anniversary when they actually only played for 57
of those 60 years? What's up with that? Silly Clevelanders. But what
do you expect for a team named for a color, and their helmets
AREN'T that color.
Apply the Browns logic to the
"Baltimore Colts". They were "born" in 1946 too. But you don't see
them celebrating a fictional 60th anniversary, do you?
The
Spleen
What is it, and Where? We'll expleen
Last
week, Chris Simms, the Buccaneers quarterback, needed to have his
spleen removed after any one of several hard hits he took during
Tampa Bay's game against Carolina. Sure, we've all heard of the Spleen,
we all have one, or at least we were all born with one, but so little
is known about this vital, yet removable, organ. Admittedly, I had
no idea what my spleen does for me. Credit to Roy who knew exactly
what his spleen does for him when asked. And where is it? Obviously
it's in our upper torso, somewhere between the waist and the neck,
but where exactly?. To find the answers, I turned to the Internet.
According to WIKIPEDIA: The
spleen is a ductless, vertebrate gland that is closely associated
with the circulatory system, where it functions in the destruction
of old red blood cells in holding a reservoir of blood. It is regarded
as one of the centers of activity of the reticuloendothelial system.
Until recently, the purpose of the spleen was not known. It is increasingly
recognized that its absence leads to a predisposition to certain
infections.
Oh, so that's what it does. But
where is it located?
According to WIKIPEDIA: The
human spleen is located in the upper left part of the abdomen,
behind the stomach and just below the diaphragm. In normal individuals
this organ measures about 125 × 75 × 50 mm (5 × 3 × 2
in) in size.
Ok, that's helpful, but we could
use a diagram or two to see the exact placement of our friend the
spleen. Here we go...
This has been a public service
moment, from your friends at FBH.
The more you know, the better off
you are.
[To learn more about the spleen, go here.]
Guest
Column
The Cellar of Love
The Guest Column this week is
a mixture from two different sources from opposite ends of the FBH
standings. Last week Yogi Yeager found himself mired in the FBH basement,
and had this to say about it:
Less then 1 hour after receiving
the e-mail from Ralph notifying me that the latest edition of Football
Happenings has been posted, I get an e-mail from around the world.
My buddy Paul [Kessler] sent me an email letting me know I am in
last place. At the time I had not yet checked the newsletter as
I was hot and heavy into week 13 of my Madden 07. Playing as the
Cowboys, I am 12-1, have the conference locked up, and Drew Bledsoe
is leading the league in passing and TO is leading the league in
receiving, and Drew is league MVP.
But I digress, I see this email
from Paul, and I have to stop the game and go check the standings.
Low and behold I am indeed in the basement. At first I am angry.
I curse Madden, who made my dismal picks for week 2. I kick the
dog and slam a beer. Then, I realize the momentous occasion that
is upon me.
I ponder my 17 or so years
in FBH, memories of paper newsletters arriving weekly in the mail
flash before my eyes. And as I close in on 2000 lifetime wins,
I realize....
This is the first time I have
ever been in the FBH basement!
<<emotional pause>>
As I walk through these hallowed,
dark, dank halls of the FBH cellar, I am reminded of those....
those Greats that came before me.
Dave Schwade, Kim Bunting,
Bob Shupp, Alex Bunting, Dave Schwade, (oops, did I already mention
Dave?)...
I am reminded of these Greats
by the extremely realistic, life-like wax figures that line the
halls of the FBH basement.
Each one, exquisite in every
detail, so life like, the hair, the skin tone, the clothing, everything..... All
the way down to the blazing RED L on
their forehead!
A couple weeks back, the PPP focused
on the return of the Bud Light Ads. This prompted Dave
Schwade to
pen this little gem:
Here's to you FBH. You're the
real American heroes. You provide us the ability to make picks,
and that gives our lives meaning in this otherwise limited world.
You give us hope - hope that we may actually pick a game
correctly.
Hope that, one day, our names will be displayed on the
Front Page of Football Happenings.
Hope that we may rise out of
the cellar and possibly pass that mythical 50 percent point.
So,
here's to you - and the Internet.
Thank you, Dave. Sometimes we
lose sight of the true joy this thing called Football Happenings
brings to all of you. We do it because we love it. And it's nice
to be reminded that the feeling is mutual. [Ralph and Roy]
P
on the PP
A Weekend To Remember
It's
not often that the NFL provides us with as many intriguing games
this early in a season as we had last week. Six 2-0 teams faced off
against each other, but those weren't the only highly anticipated
games. Colts-Jaguars, Bears-Vikings, Saints-Falcons were the 3 battles
of 2-0 teams, but equally interesting was Steelers-Bengals, Seahawks-Giants,
and Patriots-Broncos. Any 2 of those 6 teams could be
the next Super Bowl match-up. Plus two games featuring teams with
mixed histories. One team who left St. Louis (Cardinals) against
a team who moved there in their place (Rams). And the team formerly
known as the Cleveland Browns (Ravens) against the current Cleveland
Browns. It's times like these when we wonder how we ever got along
without the NFL Sunday Ticket Game Mix.
So what was your choice for the
most anticipated game of the weekend?
Indy-Jacksonville received 17
votes
Chicago-Minnesota received 8 votes
Atlanta-New Orleans received 7 votes
The 32 responses is very impressive,
considering only 44 humans submitted picks last week. That response
total is quite high. Maybe asking a serious question on the PPP brings
out the best turnout? Maybe I should try more serious questions in
the future? Nah.
Extra Points
The Fastest 3 Minutes in Football Happenings
Rutgers
University is nationally ranked in football for the first time since
1976 (can you say President Ford?) when the team finished 11-0 and
finished the year ranked #17. According to the AP and Coaches’ Polls,
the 4-0 Scarlet Knights are the #23 team in the nation. They rank
in the top 25 in 10 separate statistical categories including 4th
in defensive yards allowed and 25th in offensive yards gained. Despite
the relatively easy early schedule, published quotes show Coach Schiano
and the players are pleased at this tangible sign of progress. Let’s
hope the momentum continues as The Knights open their Big East Conference
schedule against South Florida, Friday night at 8pm EDT on ESPN2.
[ Ralph
observed this anomaly in last week’s football lines: Detroit
was giving 6 ½ points to Green Bay when they hadn’t
scored a total of 6 ½ points all season. (No, it didn’t
turn out to be that good of a bet.)
[ Attention
Met fans – calm yourselves! What’s with the gloom and
doom? Oh, we’re 3-7 in our last 10 games…Oh, we’re
hitting .219 against lefties on Wednesday afternoons since the All-star
break…Oh, Pedro’s butt hurts. Playa, please! This is
maybe the best time EVER(!!!) to be a Met fan. Thrashing about looking
for reasons to expect the worst is not the best use of anyone’s
time and effort. Plus, no one wants to hear whining from fans when
the team has 95 victories. (If you want to do that, the Yankees always
are looking for fans.) My advice is to start acting like winners;
relax and enjoy the moment! Release all your needless worry and put
that energy into positive vibes for the team and visualizing good
things happening. “You Gotta Believe!” is hereby replaced
by “No Doubt About It!”
[ In
a related story, how about the Terrell Owens situation? Are the Dallas
fans and media trying to make sure the T.O. signing doesn’t
work for the Cowboys? They’re sure acting like it. In their
zest for theater, they’re messing with the player, coach and
team. Personally, I’d prefer leaving the team alone and get
my zest from watching them win. A la A-Rod vs. Yankee fans, this
is just making something out of nothing and I can’t see how
it does anyone any good.
[ “In
this corner, weighing in at 200 lbs Hank Williams, Jr. AKA Bocephus…and
in this corner…she’s mizundastood…weighing in
at 110 lbs…you’d betta get this party started for Pink!” Yes,
the Sunday Night Football intro is blatant copy of the time-worn
Monday Night Football version, but the tune is more exciting. I’d
give the split decision to Pink.
[ Speaking
of MNF, the less said about the ESPN announcing team the better;
they all stink. I do, however, appreciate some of Tony Kornheiser’s
comments mocking the idiotic Theismann. Case in point: Theismann
commented on an official picking up a flag he had thrown by saying, “What
did he not see?” to which Kornheiser replied, “That’s
a Zen-like question, Joe; one I don’t think we can adequately
answer in this forum.” (my paraphrase)
<<Whistle blows! Flag on the play! The Extra Point
will be attempted again>>
During
this recent off-season, the Patriots lost LB Willie McGinest
to free agency. To replace him, the Patriots signed future hall-of-famer
Junior Seau and assigned Seau his traditional uniform #55. When
McGinest was a Patriot, he wore #55 and was personally
offended and downright po'ed about the move, making public statements
to that fact. Somewhat understandable I suppose, but if you leave
a team for greener pastures (i.e. more money) you shouldn't be
offended if they assign another player your old uniform number.
What makes this even more ironic (or idiotic) is that the reason
McGinest began wearing #55 in college was to honor his Linebacking
idol, Junior Seau. You can't make this stuff up, folks.
Finally
I'd like to take a moment to mention the passing of Golf great Byron
Nelson. Before I moved to Dallas, I had never heard of "Lord
Byron".
I soon learned two things about him and his annual tournament which
takes place near Dallas every year. First, it is the only PGA event
named after a former golfer. Jack Nicklaus, Arnold Palmer, Bobby
Jones, etc., none of them have a tournament named after them. And
second, it always rains during the Byron Nelson. One of the things
that made this tournament special was that Mr. Nelson himself would
sit just off the 18th green and personally greet every single golfer
as they finished their round. For those who don't know much about
Byron Nelson the Golfer, in 1945 he set an unapproachable record
of 11 consecutive PGA Tour victories. That's equivalent to Joe DiMaggio's
56-game hitting streak. He finished his career with 52 professional
golf wins, and retired at the age of only 34. Lord Byron passed away
this week at the age of 94. He is and was, one of Golf's truly class
acts.
