In
This Issue:
Welcome to Our 12th Season (Online)
Get Up, Stand Up!
  Our 12th season online. Wow. How time flies. Although Football Happenings itself has been in existence since 1988, making this the 21st season of Roy Bunting-led football picking, it was 1997 when we took what was his weekly mail-out newsletter and put the whole deal online. That first issue featured our old friend "FDRP" (pronounced "fuh-derp") as seen here on the left. You may notice that the "Volume Number" at the top is "13" instead of "12" as it seems it should be. However, most forget that we had a short-lived XFL-FBH edition of this newsletter for the one season that league existed. We got a very small turnout for making picks for those games and our coverage of the XFL folded even faster than the league itself. But for the sake of accuracy, I considered that slice of our history to be its own "volume".
While we can't promise a new issue every single week, we certainly promise to do our best to keep this page updated as often as possible. There's a little video game called "Rock Band" that has come into our lives and if we're not watching football, we can be found pretending to be rock-n-roll stars. To make maters worse, "Rock Band 2" is to be released in late September and we may never hear from Roy again. Let's enjoy his rhetoric while we can get it...
 Time to get the thinking caps out of storage as there are a lot of important decisions to be made in the coming months! Of the thousands of decisions you’ll make (paper or plastic?), some are more important (FBH picks), and some are downright critical (presidential election).
I know you hope FBH will be a source of entertainment and not somewhere to get bashed over the head by highly-charged political rhetoric. However, I truly believe America stands at a crossroads and this November 4th brings more than merely an election; it’s a national referendum on what this country and its people symbolize. Rather than go into that in the hallowed pages of FBH, you can soon click here to read more of my theoretical perspective on this subject (I promise not to attack or otherwise lambaste anyone in particular).
Put On Your Colors
New Season, New Jersey
Speaking of weighty decisions, I was left with a doozey when Chad Pennington was released by The Jets and, suddenly, I was left without a current football jersey to wear during game watching times (what can I say, I lead a pretty boring existence). I have been pretty fortunate in uniform uniformity over the past 10+ years, going from a healthy run with a Mo Lewis #57 to several seasons with the #10 Chad. Naturally, the trendy pick was the #4 Favre but it left me wanting for several reasons:
* First, it’s a little lackluster to say the least to memorialize Favre’s career-capping NYJ year(s) as opposed to his HOF run in Green Bay. It’s sort of like preferring George Harrison’s work in the Travelling Wilburies to what happened in the Fab Four.
* Second, it’s pretty cold-blooded to replace the guy you were wearing for the player who ousted him.
* Third, I’m looking for longevity and, as much as we may all wish for it, that ain’t gonna happen here.
* Fourth, I trend toward switching between offense and defense so I’m due to head back to the other side of the ball (plus, I think my JetLuck is better on defense).
 In the end, I settled on a #25 Kerry Rhodes. Rhodes is a young guy and I expect him to have a long and successful career with Gang Green. He’s a leader on defense (strong safety) and hails from the Big East (although Bob says I have to wait a full 5 years before I can celebrate that since he graduated from Louisville, not Rutgers). Plus, #25 worked out swimmingly with Joe Nieuwendyk and the Dallas Stars.
I wish the story stopped ended there with a happy ending…but there’s more.
It happened one night while I was innocently watching HBO’s Hard Knocks (which I don’t really care to watch regularly). Since Troy Aikman’s retirement (and the relegation of his #8 uniform to second-string in my closet), I have been wearing the Roy Williams #31. But, lo and behold, what did I just see on my TV screen in glorious HD? That was Roy Williams alright, but he was wearing #38!?! Okay, sometimes guys will do that in practice…but no, there’s another player, first round pick, cornerback Mike Jenkins, wearing #31. There’s no doubt, I have been cut..and without notice. [Editors Note: The Shop at NFL.com is selling Williams #31 jersey at half-price.]
Now I love New Jersey, but not having to buy two new jerseys in one season…
Lord knows, there have been plenty of recent weeks I didn’t want to put on that #31 jersey. Williams’s stock has dropped in recent years on the basis of him not making the same sort of impact we had come to expect from him. Images of him getting torched deep by Jeremy Shockey or failing to reach the quarterback on a blitz have been more prevalent and enduring than those of decisive, momentum-changing hits. For him to leave me after the loyalty I have shown him is unconscionable!
So what to do? Well, admittedly, if Troy Aikman had retired a year later, I’d be wearing a Demarcus Ware #94, so that’s a possibility. Going back to offense, T.O. is an obvious star and I’d be okay with him but he’s not really my style to commit to week-in-week-out.
 Discussing my dilemma with fellow FBH’er and ravenous football (of any and all kinds) fan Jaime (that’s pronounced Jay-mee, not Hi-mee) Schwartz, Jaime suggested a switch to Tony Romo. Seemed a solid notion; I like Tony’s humble attitude, he’s got Pro Bowl skills, he’s a leader… but it seemed a bit of a dis’ to Ol’ Troy.
Then it occurred to me, perhaps with the silliness and ephemeral nature of the whole subject becoming evident, that I should get a pink #9 Cowboys jersey, not in honor of the Cowboy quarterback, but of his semi-talented celebrity girlfriend Jessica Simpson. When I suggested the concept, Jaime asked, “Oh, you mean ‘the Romosexual’?”
Classic…
As a temporary measure and in protest of the proliferation of sports marketing, I’m going to get out some tape and convert my #31 into a #81 and name it “Ocho-Uno”. Ultimately, I think Marion Barber is going to get the nod. What better attitude to bring to the gridiron than a “Barbarian!” Plus, I won’t have to alarm any of the romophobes out there.
Reasons to be Optimistic
Jet Power by Boobie
 Not sure if any of you were able to see last Saturday's game (against the Giants), but I came away impressed with the Jets defense. Looks like Kris Jenkins and Calvin Pace will be huge additions to the team. The Jets defense may have the right ingredients to become dominating. I sincerely mean that. Pace will bide Gholston some time to learn what he's supposed to be doing. Had we not gotten Pace as a FA there'd be a lot more pressure on Gholston because to this point he has not looked like a top-ten talent. Now we have time to wait for him to develop.
On the other side of the ball, there were so many penalties they gave themselves no chance to score. That's not Jets football, so I expect a correction. Favre looks fine - did you see his called-back TD to Cotchery? What a great throw. I am not worried about the penalties but I am a little worried about our run-blocking. I also would have liked to see Coles out there with Brett. There's no way either will play in Thursday's final preseason game against the Eagles in what has become an absolute waste of time. I think the league should play scrimmages against each other, and only two official games where teams use their players. They historically play no one in preseason game #4, and this time around we sure could use time with Favre and our new O-line.
Bottom line is we are not ready for the start of the season on offense, but we look damn good on defense. Hopefully Miami and Chad will have their own problems, and our defense wins that game for us.
Over and out for now.
P.S. The Jets officially relocate to Florham Park, NJ next week. No more Hofstra.
Nothing like unbridled Jet enthusiasm; a Labor Day event as traditional as a backyard cookout or a Red Tag sale! Hey, why not drink the green Kool Aid? Life is too short to be a pessimist.
Cowboy Love
Jack Akin checks in with his first Guest Column
How ‘bout them Cowboys? Jerry is riding high with 13 returning Pro Bowlers and an arsenal of weapons that would impress the staunchest Republican. A celebrity quarterback that is popular in the locker room and on the arms of paparazzi princes. The Cowboys are picked by everyone to win a decaying NFC. What could possibly go wrong? It will be good TV to watch Jerry’s head blow up a la “Scanners” if they do not go the distance.
 Let’s turn our attention to the “Jones Pyramid” being erected in Arlington. Clearly this endeavor is got to be the largest single compensation for male inadequacy ever attempted. Let’s give the man from Little Rock some credit, though. The $1.1 billion price tag and the plan to sell seat license and set ticket prices to pay back Jerry’s investment in a single year does show unprecedented cojones.
The real buzz is over the naming rights. Rumor has it that Jones is seeking $1 billion. Jones is standing firm that money is not the issue and he is looking for the right partner to reflect the greatness that is the Dallas Cowboys legacy. Well, that rules out Walmart Field and Exxon/Mobil Stadium. Microsoft is tied to Seattle so who else has a billion to throw at naming rights? There is Jerry’s Saudi buddy, Prince Bandar bin Sultan could pony up the dough and have Hala Ranch in Aspen and Hala Field in Arlington. Perhaps with the male compensation theory in play, we have got to consider a consortium of ED pharmaceutical companies. (From the Goodyear blimp, it does look a bit like the peeling back of foreskin when the roof opens.)
Yes indeed, welcome to the Dick Dome or maybe Phallus Field. Whoever ponies up, Jerry will still remain the biggest tool in the NFL. Go Cowboys.
Jack can be excused for being agitated over the new stadium pricing structure as he has been a season ticket holder since the 70s. While the concept of “Phallus Cowboys Stadium” may hold some charm, my money is on Nike.
P on the PP
Ch-ch-ch-ch Changes!
For the 2008 season, we've made some slight changes to the site. First of all, you may have noticed that the year in the header is now correct. That always bothered me the past couple years so I took steps to make it accurate. The other major change is not a visual one, but a behind-the-scenes change. The Picks Page should look the same to everyone, but the way it functions is completely different. I've been forced by Microsoft to join the 21st Century and use an actual script to run the form that collects the picks. And since I know nothing about scripts and PHP and such, I was able to take someone else's hard work and modify it to work for us. So, what does this mean for you?
1. If you include your email address in the space provided, a copy of your picks will be AUTOMATICALLY emailed to you. Finally, no more waiting for me to get around to responding via email with a copy of your picks. If you want a copy, just include a proper email address.
2. Gone is the Confirmation Page. <Sob> I know, many people have depended on that page as their printed copy of their selections. The script I'm using does not provide such a page. Instead, you'll just get a page saying "Thank You" for your submission. All the more reason to include a proper email address in the form and have your picks emailed to you.
3. This new form creates a "CSV" file which I may be able to use to severely streamline the process of calculating records. Of course, I know nothing about CSV files either, but at least the potential for ease is there.
4. Mostly because of this CSV file, the page will give an error unless EACH and EVERY game is selected. So now, if you forget to pick one or more games, the site will yell at you and ask you to go back and resubmit. The good news here is that if you use the "BACK" button on your browser, it should take you back to the Picks Page with all your selections still selected. You won't have to go thru and re-pick every game, just fill in the ones you missed (at least that's how it's been working in testing trials). The bad news is for those of you who like to hold off on picking the Monday Night game until Monday (Boobie!), or just figure that I'll assign your Default to that missed pick if you skip one, you won't have that luxury. Good for me, bad for you.
The other major problem with this is the abilty to pick ONLY the early games (Thursdays & Saturdays) and then go back and pick the Sunday games. I know MANY of you enjoy this luxury and I wish there was a way to do it without me having to completely re-work the script for every week those games occur and having it completely screw up my collection process. For Week #1, I may be able to alter this, but in the coming weeks, we may have to figure something else out.
5. Fresh Bud Light Ads! Yes, the Bud Light Ads will return this season, but instead of treading out the same couple dozen I've used in the past, I have discovered a ton of different ones and will be pushing those out over the course of the season. You're welcome.
Extra
Points
Fastest 3 minutes in Football Happenings
Just one quick extra point to kick-off the season... FBH tradition is to send out Happy Birthday wishes to those of us celebrating birthdays over the course of the season. Of course, it's always the same people every year having birthdays in September thru December, so the whole thing seems kinda silly to me. However, we would like to take this opportunity to send a very special shout-out Happy Birthday to last year's FBH Champion, Dick "Head of the Family" Vanek who turns a milestone 75 years young on Monday. Will Dick be the first person ever to go back-to-back? Stay tuned...
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