Dave Schwade
 AKA: The Phony, Dane

  
Birthday: 7/21/62 Home: Alexandria, VA Yrs. in FBH: 12
E-mail: dschwade@mpra.com
Favorite NFL Team: Sea Scum / Jets
(I get two because I'm a phony)
Alma Mater: Wasamatta U.
(Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute) 
Favorite Quote: "I might never not have."

Football Happenings Record

YEAR WON LOST TIE PCT
1991 102 114 8 .472
1992 95 125 4 .432
1993 99 120 5 .452
1994 112 106 6 .514
1995 103 133 4 .436
1996 97 142 1 .406
1997 126 103 11 .550
1998 105 127 8 .453
1999 118 121 9 .494
2000 124 117 7 .515
2001 116 120 12 .492
2002 123 128 5 .490
TOTALS 1320 1456 80 .476

Career Highlights:  Dave holds the following records:

[ Most last place finishes:  Three.  (1995, 1996, 1998)
[ Most second-to-last place finishes:  Two (3-way tie). (1992, 1993)
[ Worst record for a single season:  97-142-1 .406 (1996)
[ Lowest lifetime winning percentage:  .472**

 **(Please note that in 1999 as a FBH rookie, Scott Conner had a .464 winning percentage.  Competitors are typically required to have completed three seasons before being considered for overall records.  In any event, the LBFBHHQ staff fully expects Dave to reclaim his rightful place at the end of the 2000 season. Which he did.)
In fact, when Dave finished 4th in 1994, it launched a full-scale investigation.

Nauseating Babble From The AssCommish:

 Each season, Dave takes aim at last place and usually hits it. Dave is also in a football pool at his place of business. Each week, a woman there picks the opposite of what Dave picks and came in first place last season. If any of us had the foresight to do that in the FBH, they would have finished in 1st place with a 5 game lead in '96. But not in '98, for as bad as he was, he wasn't as bad as Dick Vanek was good.

 In 1997, Dave was within reach of the 1st place cash going into the final week. Scoring a 6-8-1 record that week put Dave into 4th place and out of the money.

Nauseating babble from the Commish:

 Everyone says that Dave is a phony, but he never seemed like one to me (and I’m not just saying that either)...DOSSIER: Once wore a fireproof suit in top secret US Navy led government experiments. Speaks fluent German, especially while drunk. Enrolled in federal witness protection program to escape stalking ex-girlfriend. Tried to kill Bob on recent motorcycle trip. Boasts the highest national security clearance and the lowest lifetime record in FBH...Travel career nearly cut short by freak nazi reunion party crashing bicycle blowout.